Thursday, February 23, 2012

YESTERDAY WAS A VERY NICE DAY ACCORDING TO MIKE!

I KNOW YESTERDAY WE WERE BUSY ALL DAY TILL BED TIME!!  I WAS WORN OUT, AND SLEEPY, BUT WHEN I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS SLEEPY, HE SAID "NOT REALLY".  THOSE PILLS ESPECIALLY THE ONE THE HOSPICE NURSE CALLS THE "MAGIC PILL" SEEMS TO BE HELPING MIKE A LOT.  HE IS EATING THREE MEALS A DAY NOW, EVEN IF THEY ARE SMALL, AND IS STILL TRYING TO GO OUTSIDE A LITTLE EACH DAY AND RAKE UP SOME LEAVES.  I WOULD BE TEMPTED TO TAKE THEM MYSELF (FOR THE ENERGY), BUT I SURE DON'T NEED TO HAVE MY APPETITE OPENED UP ANY BIGGER!!  IF IT'S NOT GLUED DOWN-I'M LIKELY TO EAT IT THESE DAYS!!  I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES IN WHAT I BUY, SO WHEN I PIG OUT-IT IS MOSTLY ON HEALTHY STUFF.  BUT AS I AM LEARNING-EVEN HEALTHY STUFF WILL PUT WEIGHT ON YOU IF YOU EAT ENOUGH OF IT!! I FIND MYSELF GOING UP AND DOWN THESE DAYS EMOTIONALLY.  WHEN MIKE SEEMS TO BE DOING BETTER, I GET BOOSTED UP, BUT THEN WHEN THE REALITY HITS ME-THAT IT IS ONLY A TEMPORARY IMPROVEMENT FOR MIKE, AND THAT NOTHING HAS REALLY CHANGED-I GET BUMMED OUT AGAIN.  IT'S A PROCESS I GUESS, AND SO FAR I HAVE NEVER LET MIKE SEE ME CRY OR BREAKDOWN, SO I JUST WANT THAT TO CONTINUE TILL THE END.  LAST NIGHT HE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT HIS MEMORY, AND IF THERE WAS ANYTHING THAT WE COULD DO TO GET IT BACK.  THAT WAS HARD.  I TOLD HIM WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN TO HELP IT, AND I ASKED HIM IF HE FELT LIKE IT WAS GETTING WORSE.  HE SAID "I FEEL THINGS MOVING AROUND UP THERE, AND SOME DAYS IT IS HARDER THAN OTHERS TO THINK".  HE HAS DESCRIBED IT BEFORE AS HAVING  COBWEBS IN HIS HEAD. I JUST CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOW HARD IT MUST BE TO BE AWARE THAT YOU ARE LOSING ALL YOUR MEMORIES, AND THAT THERE IS NO WAY TO STOP IT.  HE SAID "MAYBE TOMORROW IT WILL BE BETTER".  I JUST LOVE THAT ABOUT MIKE-HE IS ABLE TO STAY SO POSITIVE DESPITE ALL HE IS GOING THROUGH.  WHAT A GUY I MARRIED!!!!  WELL, THAT IS IT FOR ME THIS AM.  I WANT TO FINISH DRINKING MY YUMMY CAFE' CON LECHE' BEFORE IT GETS COLD AGAIN.  YESTERDAY IS THE PAST, TOMORROW IS A MYSTERY, BUT TODAY IS A PRESENT-SO ENJOY IT!!! JUST ME

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