HOW OUR EYES CAN PLAY TRICKS ON US

I WAS STILL HALF ASLEEP WHEN I WAS STARTING TO GET UP AND I THOUGHT I SAW MIKE IN THE ROOM SO I CALLED OUT HIS NAME.  IT TURNED OUT TO BE A PAIR OF MY WHITE SHOES AT THE TOP OF MY SHOE RACK ON THE DOOR OF MY BEDROOM.  HOW I LONG TO SEE THAT WHITE HEAD OF HAIR AGAIN!!  I KNOW HE WAS SO ILL AND IN A LOT OF PAIN, SO I WOULDN'T WANT HIM TO STILL BE HERE JUST SO I COULD SEE HIM AGAIN.  I PRAYED THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIED THAT JEHOVAH PLEASE LET HIM GO TO SLEEP UNTIL THE RESURRECTION DAY.  MIKE USE TO SAY "JEHOVAH SURE TAKES GOOD CARE OF YOU".  I ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT TOO.  I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL GET PAST THE TEARING UP STAGE.  I HATE GOING ANY WHERE AS I AM AFRAID SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WILL TRIGGER A MEMORY OF MIKE AND THE TEARS WILL COME DOWN LIKE RAIN.  I KEEP HEARING THAT IN TIME THINGS WILL GET BETTER.  THAT THE PAIN WILL LESS, AND ONLY THE GOOD MEMORIES WILL REMAIN.  I AM FINDING THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE WATCHING MY SISTER VICKIE.  HER HUSBAND (GEORGE) PASSED AWAY A YEAR AND A HALF AGO, AND SHE STILL TEARS UP, AND IS IN A LOT OF PAIN.  ALL OUR MARRIED LIFE I HEARD "NO HAYES MAN HAS EVER LIVED PAST 59".  I TRY TO REMEMBER THAT AT 78 WHEN HE PASSED, WE WERE BLESSED TO HAVE NINETEEN MORE YEARS WITH THIS MAN.  LIKE MY SON SAID IN A POEM THAT HE WROTE  "STILL, I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE MORE TIME".  NOW I AM THANKFUL FOR THE PETS THAT WE HAVE.  THEY ARE A LOT OF COMFORT TO ME, AND KEEP ME GOING.  I DID GET STARTED ON OUR EXERCISE PROGRAM, AND WAS DOING EXERCISES IN THE POOL FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES YESTERDAY.  THEN IT WAS MY SISTER VICKIE'S TURN TO FEED BOTH MARTHA AND ME.  MY TURN WILL BE THIS FRIDAY.  THAT SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, AND I THINK HELPFUL FOR ALL OF US.  I HAD EX-RAYS OF MY SINUSES YESTERDAY AND THEN ALSO HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT.  SEEMS I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM TOOTH.  IT HAS AN APSES, SO THE DR. GAVE ME SOME ANTIBIOTICS FOR IT.  THEN IT WILL NEED TO BE PULLED OUT.  WHY IS IT THAT ONLY THOSE TEETH THAT SUPPORT AND HOLD IN MY PARTIAL ARE THE ONES THAT GIVE ME SO MUCH TROUBLE??  ANY HOW, I AM UP AND AT LEAST I DID SLEEP MUCH BETTER LAST NIGHT.  THEN ANY SLEEP WOULD BE BETTER THAN LAST NIGHT!!  WELL, TIME TO DO SOME STUDYING FOR MY MEETING TONIGHT, AND GET DRESSED.  IT HURTS THAT I AM NOT ABLE TO KISS THIS BOO BOO AND MAKE IT GO AWAY FOR MY KIDS.  I HATE KNOWING HOW MUCH PAIN THEY ARE IN AS WELL.  IT IS TRULY JUST AS THE BIBLE SAYS-"DEATH IS OUR ENEMY".  WELL, THAT IS IT FOR ME TODAY-SORRY IF IT WAS A DOWNER, BUT I WRITE WHAT IS IN MY HEART.  SOME DAYS IT JUST HURTS MORE THAN OTHERS.  TILL TOMORROW-KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND BE THANKFUL WE HAVE THIS DAY-I KNOW I AM. JUST ME