Wednesday, May 18, 2011

" HOW BAD WAS I " ?

YESTERDAY I TRIED TO HELP MIKE THINK ABOUT WHERE HE IS (COGNITIVELY) NOW, AS OPPOSED TO HOW HE WAS A MONTH OR TWO AGO.  I WAS REALLY TRYING TO SEE IF IN HIS OWN MIND ANY OF THE MEDICINES HE TAKES IS DOING ANY GOOD.  HE BTW, COUNTS THEM EVERY DAY (13 TO BE EXACT), AND ASKS ME WHAT EACH ONE IS SUPPOSE TO DO FOR HIM.  HIS RESPONSE TO MY QUESTION-"WHY, HOW BAD WAS I"??  MIKE HAS DESCRIBED THE FEELING INSIDE HIS MIND AS COBWEBS.  HE DOES UNDERSTAND THAT HE HAS FORGOTTEN MANY THINGS, YET, IT DOES NOT SEEM TO EFFECT HIS JOY OF THE DAY.  HE SAYS I CAN REMEMBER IT FOR HIM.  IT IS HARDEST FOR ME WHEN HE ASKS QUESTIONS LIKE "WHY DIDN'T WE GO TO MIKE JR.'S WEDDING, OR "WHO DOES JAKKI BELONG TO"? ALSO WHEN HE TRIES TO FIGURE OUT WHAT MONTH WE ARE IN-HE HAS TO START FROM JAN. AND WORK HIS WAY UP.  ADDING OR SUBTRACTING SIMPLE MATH FOR A 3RD GRADER IS ENOUGH TO STUMP A MAN FORMERLY KNOWN FOR HIS MATH SKILLS-EVEN ALGEBRA!!  HEARTBREAKING INDEED, BUT AGAIN THERE HAVE BEEN SO MANY BLESSINGS AS OF LATE THAT I CAN'T HELP BUT BE THANKFUL FOR.  MIKE HAS BECOME A GENTLE GIANT, AND MUCH SWEETER THAN IN PAST YEARS.  MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE (AS HE SAYS) "STRESS ? I DON'T HAVE ANY STRESS".  OF COURSE THAT IS TRUE-IT IS ALL ON ME NOW.  AS LONG AS MIKE STAYS THE WAY HE IS, I FEEL SURE I CAN DEAL WITH WHAT EVER LIES AHEAD.  HOPE YOUR LOVED ONE IS GETTING KINDER AS TIME GOES ON AS WELL-NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH-REMEMBER IT IS MUCH WORSE FOR THEM, AND THEN HAVE YOURSELF A BLESSED DAY-JUST ME

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