SUN, SAND, BEACH, AND TEARS!

THE WEATHER WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND THE WATER WAS GORGEOUS, BUT ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS MIKE.  HE WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH SO BAD, BUT I COULD NOT THINK OF A WAY TO GET HIM THERE SAFELY.  HE COULD NOT WALK IN THE SAND, AND THE WHEEL CHAIR CAN NOT BE ROLLED IN THE SAND.  I TRIED NOT TO CRY, BUT T HE TEARS JUST FLOWED.  IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE CAN BE HAPPY (I AM A GREAT GRAND MOTHER NOW), AND SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME.  WE ARE TRULY COMPLICATEDLY MADE!!  THE REST OF SAT. WAS OK.  I WENT TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, HAD DINNER THERE, AND WATCHED PART OF A MOVIE (THE CHIP MONKS NEW MOVIE ON A SHIP).  CAME HOME, AND WENT TO BED.  YESTERDAY WAS ANOTHER BAD HARD DAY.  I WAS UP SINCE 1:30AM, (SEVERE LEG CRAMPS) AND DECIDED I WOULD LISTEN AN EARLY AM MEETING, AS I WAS TOO TIRED TO DRIVE TO MY OWN.  ALSO I WAS STILL NOT FEELING ALL THAT WELL.  FONDA CAME OVER, AND WE BOTH HAD SUCH A GOOD CRY, THAT I COULD NOT BREATHE!!  SHE HAD TO RUN OUT TO HER CAR AND GET AN ASTHMA PUMP SO THAT I COULD .  WE HAD TO USE IT TWICE I THINK, AND I HAD TO TAKE SOME NERVE PILLS AS WELL.  I DON'T EVEN HAVE ASTHMA!!  HERE I THOUGHT I WAS DOING SO WELL, AND THEN THE WHOLE WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN ON ME!!  I THINK IT STARTED WHEN I WOKE UP IN SUCH BAD LEG PAIN SAT. AM.. MIKE WOULD ALWAYS HELP ME BY GETTING MY QUININE WATER, PILLS, AND HEATING UP MY BED BUDDY.  I HAD TO CRAWL TO THE KITCHEN PRAYING ALL THE WAY TO REACH MY PILLS, AND THEN HEAT UP MY BED BUDDY MYSELF. I KNOW MIKE DID NOT CHOOSE TO LEAVE, BUT I COULD NOT HELP THINKING WHERE WAS HE WHEN I NEEDED HIM.  THEN THE TEARS STARTED AND TRULY HAVE NOT STOPPED COMPLETELY SINCE THEN.  I HAVE HAD A FEW GOOD MOMENTS IN BETWEEN, AND I AM SURE I WILL AGAIN, BUT FOR NOW IT IS SO HARD TO THINK OF THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH OUT HIM.  SORRY FOR THE DOWNER THIS AM.  I USUALLY TRY AND LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE, AND I'M SURE I WILL GET THERE AGAIN.  I WILL BE STARTING TO GO TO  THE "Y" THIS WEEK, AND THAT SHOULD HELP (ALL THOSE ENDORPHINS WE ALWAYS HEAR SO MUCH ABOUT).  OH, DOES ANY BODY KNOW OF A CHIHUAHUA RESCUE??  MY NEIGHBOR HAS DECIDED ONCE AGAIN THAT SHE NEEDS TO GET RID OF THE ONE I FOUND FOR HER.  I CHIHUAHUA !!!!  LIKE MIKE ALWAYS USE TO SAY "NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED"!!  WELL, THAT IS IT FOR ME THIS AM-I NEED TO GET DRESSED NOW, SO TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

APPARENTLY, I AM NOT DOING AS WELL AS I THOUGHT!!

SINCE I THOUGHT TODAY WAS SAT. I DID NOT POST ON MY BLOG UNTIL MY SON CALLED FROM C.A. TO SEE IF I WAS O.K.!!  HE WANTED TO KNOW WHERE MY POST WAS FOR THE DAY.  I TOLD HIM BECAUSE IT'S SAT., AND I DON'T DO POST ON THE WEEK END.  HE LAUGHED (OF COURSE), AND SAID NO MOM, I'M CALLING YOU FROM  WORK-IT'S FRIDAY!!  SO HERE I AM-LATE, BUT FAITHFUL!!  LAST NIGHT I SLEPT IN MY NEW BED ROOM SET.  MY SISTER VICKIE CAME OVER AND PUT ALL OF MIKE'S PICTURES AND URN IN ANOTHER ROOM FOR ME, SO THAT I COULD SLEEP ON MY OWN MATTRESS.,  MY BACK HAD BEEN GIVING ME A FIT, AND I FINALLY FIGURED OUT IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS NOT SLEEPING ON MY TEMPERPEDIC MATTRESS ANY LONGER.  WELL, I WAS RIGHT!!  I WOKE UP THIS AM, AND NO MORE BACK ACHE!!  I SURE DO LOVE THAT MATTRESS!!!  MY SISTER VICKIE AND I WENT TO A COUPLE OF GARAGE SALES THIS AM, AS SHE WAS LOOKING FOR ONE THING, AND I WAS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER.  WE BOTH FOUND STUFF-JUST NOT WHAT WE WERE LOOKING FOR!!  MY KIDS ARE GONNA LOVE THAT!!  HONEST KIDS, I ONLY BOUGHT STUFF I CAN USE THIS TIME.  I PLAN ON GOING TO THE BEACH THIS SAT. AFTER SERVICE.  I THINK THE FRESH SEA AIR WILL DO ME GOOD, AND ONE OF THE TREASURES I FOUND TODAY WAS A LARGE BEACH UMBRELLA!!  I HATE TO KEEP BRAGGING ABOUT MY KIDS, BUT THEY HAVE BENT OVER BACKWARDS TO MAKE THINGS AS EASY FOR ME AS POSSIBLE, EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THEIR HEARTS ARE BREAKING AS WELL.  MIKE WILL BE SO PROUD OF THEM WHEN I TELL HIM ALL ABOUT IT!!!  TODAY I ACTUALLY WORKED IN THE YARD!!  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? ME???  I HAVE PLANTED SOME NEW FLOWERS BY THE MAIL BOX, AND THEY LOOK BEAUTIFUL.  I ALSO PUT SOME AROUND THE PALM TREE IN THE FRONT YARD-I THINK THEY WILL DO WELL THERE (I HOPE).  I MET A LOVELY LITTLE OLD VIETNAMESE WOMAN WHO ASKED ME ABOUT MIKE.  SHE WAS JUST WALKING BY THE HOUSE AND SAID A MAN IS USUALLY OUT HERE WORKING IN THE YARD.  I TOLD HER WHAT HAD HAPPENED, AND THAT I WAS GOING TO TRY TO KEEP THE YARD LOOKING AS GOOD AS POSSIBLE-BUT I COULD NEVER SPEND THE HOURS ON IT THAT HE DID.  MAYBE SOMEDAY I WILL EVEN GET TO ENJOY IT-WHO KNOWS??  WELL, THAT IS IT FOR THIS FRIDAY,.  HOPE TO BE BACK HERE ON MONDAY WITH AN UPDATE ON WHAT ALL HAS BEEN GOING ON.  TILL THEN-MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT.  JUST ME

APT. WITH MY PAIN DR. THIS AM.-JUST IN TIME

EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP WITH MY BACK AND NECK HURTING REALLY BAD.  I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO FIGURE OUT THE LOW BACK PAIN BUT HAVE ATTRIBUTED THE HEAD ACHES TO STRESS.  THIS AM HOWEVER I GOT AN EPIPHANY!!  IT IS PROBABLY THE FACT THAT I AM USE TO SLEEPING ON MY TEMPERPEDIC MATTRESS, WHICH I HAVE NOT DONE SINCE MIKE PASSED.  CONCLUSION? I MAY HAVE TO MOVE BACK INTO OUR OLD BED ROOM SOONER THAN I HAD PLANNED.  I WILL HAVE TO GIVE IT SOME MORE THOUGHT, BUT THAT FOR NOW AT LEAST, SEEMS A PLAUSIBLE SOLUTION.  I HAD A VISIT FROM A NEIGHBOR AND FRIEND YESTERDAY, WHICH CAUSED ME TO TALK ABOUT DEAR MIKE. I WAS FIGHTING TEARS ALL DAY BUT THEY WON THE BATTLE LAST NIGHT.  MY FRIEND DID NOT KNOW MIKE HAD PASSED BECAUSE SHE WAS BACK IN HAITI WITH HER HUSBAND FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS.  SHE WAS SOOO UPSET-IT GOT ME GOING.  WE HUGGED EACH OTHER, AND I AGREED I WOULD GO FOR A WALK WITH HER AS SOON AS I WAS ABLE.  SHE IS AWARE OF WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS CONCERNING THE TRUE CONDITION OF OUR DEAD, LOVED ONES , (I GAVE HER A COPY OF "WHAT THE BIBLE "REALLY" TEACHES") A WHILE BACK.   SHE AND I HAVE HAD MANY DISCUSSIONS ON THAT AND OTHER SUBJECTS.  SHE WAS VERY KIND AND EXPRESSED THAT MIKE IS NO LONGER IN ANY PAIN, AND WHEN HE WAKES UP-HE WILL HAVE NO MEMORY OF IT.  SURE WISH IT WERE TODAY, BUT THAT DAY IS NOT UP TO ANY ONE BUT OUR LOVING CREATOR-NO ONE ELSE, NOT EVEN HIS OWN DEAR SON KNEW  WHEN IT IS.  FOR NOW OUR FAITH AND MANY PRAYERS WILL GET US PAST THIS TIME OF GRIEF.  I KNOW IN MY HEART MIKE WOULD NOT WANT ME TO GET SICK OVER HIS PASSING-HE ALWAYS WANTED WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME.  AS HIS VERY BEST FRIEND TERRY S. TOLD ME ON THE PHONE THE OTHER DAY "BOOK CHICKS HAVE TO BE TOUGH!! MIKE SOLD ENCYCLOPEDIAS (BOOKS) FOR YEARS AS DID TERRY S.. WELL, I NEED TO GET READY FOR MY DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT.  I WILL BE SO GLAD WHEN THE DAY ARRIVES WHEN WE WILL NO LONGER NEED THEM, BUT FOR NOW IT'S KINDA HARD TO GET THROUGH LIFE WITH OUT THEM.  HAVE A HAPPY DAY-GIVE SOME ONE YOU LOVE A FLOWER FOR NO REASON AT ALL TODAY.  JUST ME

TALKING IN MY SLEEP KEPT ME AWAKE ALL NIGHT!!

I DON'T EVER REMEMBER HAVING A NIGHT LIKE THAT BEFORE.  IT WAS SOMETHING MIKE USE TO DO, SO MAYBE IT WAS CONTAGIOUS.  IT REALLY FELT STRANGE HEARING MYSELF TALKING.  HOPE THAT DOESN'T EVER HAPPEN AGAIN!!  I HAD A NEIGHBOR TRY AND WARN ME THAT SOME THIEVES WERE IN THE AREA LAST NIGHT, AND IF I HEARD A HELICOPTER THAT WAS WHAT THEY WERE LOOKING FOR.  I MISSED HER CALL, AND GOT HER MESSAGE JUST BEFORE BED, SO I BARRICADED MYSELF IN GOOD, AND SET BOOBIE TRAPS ON ALL THE WINDOWS AFTER I MADE SURE THEY WERE LOCKED.  MY DOGIES ARE A GOOD SECURITY SYSTEM TOO.  SURE MADE ME THINK ABOUT MIKE AND HIS WEAPON OF CHOICE (A HEAVY FLASH LIGHT).  ART WILL BE HERE SOMETIME TODAY TO FIGURE OUT WHY MY DISHWASHER WON'T WORK SINCE HE PUT IN THE NEW FAUCET.  PROBABLY JUST A KNOB NEEDS TURNING BACK ON OR SOMETHING SIMPLE LIKE THAT (I HOPE).  MY SISTER VICKIE WANTS TO PICK ME UP AND TAKE ME FOR A RIDE OR SOMETHING THIS AM.  WE WILL SEE WHEN ART PLANS TO COME.  I AM STILL HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME AT NIGHT-MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK INTO OUR OLD BED ROOM-I JUST DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HANDLE IT.  TOO MANY MEMORIES-EVEN WITH THE NEW BED ROOM SET.  SUNDAY AFTER THE MEETING MIKE B. CAME BY AND PICKED ME UP AND WE WENT TO FELINA'S FOR DINNER, STUDY NIGHT, AND THEN A COUPLE SHORT GAMES.  WE SPOKE OF MIKE, AND HOW VERY SPECIAL HE WAS IN SO MANY WAYS.  MIKE B, SAID EVEN WHEN YOU KNEW HE WAS IN GREAT PAIN YOU WOULD ASK HIM HOW HE WAS DOING AND HE WOULD ALWAYS SAY  "I'M O.K., OR MAYBE "GOOD", OR JUST SAY "I'M FINE".  HE WAS NOT A COMPLAINER ABOUT ANYTHING.  HE SURE WAS A GOOD MAN,.  GREAT HUSBAND, DAD, GRAND FATHER, AND FRIEND.  WELL, ON THAT NOTE, I GUESS I SHOULD CLOSE FOR THIS AM.  I MAY JUST TRY AND PUT SOME CLOTHES IN MY NEW BED ROOM SET NOW-WE'LL HAVE TO SEE HOW THAT GOES.  TILL TOMORROW-ENJOY TO BEAUTY OF CREATION TODAY-IT'S BREATH TAKING!!  JUST ME

DREAMS KEPT WAKING ME UP LAST NIGHT!

I HAVE BEEN VERY TIRED AS OF LATE.  I HAVE EVEN BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP DURING THE DAY-WHICH THOSE WHO KNOW ME KNOW I COULD NEVER DO THAT BEFORE.  I WENT TO BED PRETTY EARLY LAST NIGHT-AROUND 9:30 P.M. AFTER I LET THE DOGS OUT.  I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT ALL THE DREAMS WERE ABOUT (AT LEAST 3), BUT I WOKE UP IN TEARS, AND I KNOW THEY WERE ABOUT MIKE.  THAT IS ALL I AM SURE OF.  ANY HOW I WAS ABLE TO GO BACK TO SLEEP AFTER A LITTLE WHILE, AND JUST WOKE UP AT 7-BY MY DOGIES.  HEY, WHEN THEY WANT THEIR FOOD-THEY WANT THEIR FOOD!!  YESTERDAY WAS GOOD FOR THE MOST PART.  I THINK THE CHIROPRACTOR DID HELP SOME WITH MY NECK PAIN, BUT I WILL SEE MY PAIN DR. ON THURS., AND SEE WHAT HE CAN DO FOR ME.  I AM TIRED OF ALWAYS HAVING TO TAKE SO MANY PILLS TOO-MAYBE HE CAN DELETE SOME FOR ME SAFELY.THIS AM I PLAN TO GO TO L.A. FITNESS AND SEE IF MY BALLY'S CARD WILL WORK THERE.  IF SO, I WILL START MY WORK OUT TODAY.  VERY VERY LOW IMPACT BECAUSE OF THE BACK ISSUES. BUT I REALLY NEED TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT MORE FOR MY HEALTH THAN ANY THING ELSE AT THIS POINT.  MY DAUGHTER FONDA TOOK ME OUT TO EAT SOME HALF PRICED APPETIZERS AT BONE FISH AND THEN DID THE SAME THING AT RUTH CHRIS, AND THEN AS WE WERE LEAVING- WE BOTH HAD A MOMENT.  I KNOW IT IS PROBABLY HARDEST ON US BECAUSE WE SAW MIKE DAY AFTER DAY, AND AS THE YOUNGEST, I THINK SHE HAS TAKEN IT THE HARDEST, ALTHOUGH MIKE JR. HAS REALLY TAKEN IT HARD AS HAVE CANYON, JAKKIE, FELINA, MIKE B. MY SISTER VICKIE, TERRY S. , AND SO MANY OTHERS.  I WONDER IF HE EVER KNEW HOW VERY MUCH HE WAS LOVED AND WOULD BE MISSED.  THEN, DO ANY OF US??  TODAY IS MY STUDY DAY FOR OUT THURS. NIGHT MEETING.  IT IS A WONDERFUL DISTRACTION, AND LIFTS ME UP RIGHT AT THE RIGHT TIME.  I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON GOING THROUGH A LOSS, BUT TALKING ABOUT IT OR WRITING ABOUT IT REALLY DOES HELP.  I WOULD ENCOURAGE ANYONE GOING THROUGH THE LOSS OF ANY KIND TO PUT YOUR FEELINGS DOWN IN A DAILY JOURNAL OR BLOG.  IT HAS BEEN VERY CATHARTIC FOR ME, AND I AM SURE IT WOULD WORK FOR YOU AS WELL.  HAVE A LOT OF LOVE IN YOUR HEART TODAY, AND SHOW IT TO ALL THOSE YOU CARE ABOUT.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

HAD A HARD DAYS NIGHT!!

I SEEM TO  BE THINKING OF MANY SONG TITLES THESE DAYS FOR MY HEAD LINES.  FOR SOME REASON SO MANY SEEM TO BE APPROPRIATE LATELY.  LAST NIGHT I REACHED OUT MY HAND THE WAY I WOULD DO EVERY NIGHT AND MIKE WOULD GRAB IT AND KISS IT.  I JUST BROKE DOWN AND CRIED WHEN I THOUGHT OF HOW I WILL MISS THAT ALONG WITH SO MANY OTHER THINGS MIKE USE TO SAY AND DO.  I KNOW I AM NOT THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS EVER LOST A LIFE MATE, BUT THAT SURE DOES NOT MAKE SLEEPING ALONE (THE DOGS DON'T COUNT) ANY EASIER.  TODAY I HAVE A CHIROPRACTOR'S APPOINTMENT.  NOT SURE HOW THE REST OF THE DAY WILL PLAY OUT.  I AM TRYING HARD TO GET BACK INTO A ROUTINE, BUT IT IS NOT AS EASY AS YOU MIGHT THINK.  YESTERDAY MIKE B. PICKED ME UP AND TOOK ME TO FELINA'S WHERE WE ALL HAD DINNER, AND THEN HAD OUR FAMILY STUDY NIGHT.  WE ARE READING "THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED" BOOK WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOK-EVER!!  WE HAD A NICE MEAL FIRST, THEN TOOK TURNS READING.  CANYON HAD A HARD PAGE, BUT HE DID A MAGNIFCENT JOB-I AM SO PROUD OF THAT BOY!!!  THEN WE PLAYED A COUPLE GAMES OF APPLES TO ?? NOT SURE OF THE NAME. I SURE HATE FOR MIKE TO TAKE THAT LONG TRIP HOME BY HIMSELF, BUT IN A WAY IT MAY BE CATHARTIC.  HE WILL HAVE LOTS OF TIME TO GRIEVE, AND DEAL WITH HIS MEMORIES OF DAD ON HIS LONG  TRIP HOME.  I STILL SEEM TO HAVE PEOPLE AROUND ME MOST OF THE TIME. I LOVE MY FAMILY AND ALL MY FRIENDS, BUT THE WOUND IS STILL SO FRESH, IT IS HARD FOR ME TO KNOW WHEN I WILL BURST OUT INTO TEARS, AND I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS.  I LIKE TO GRIEVE IN PRIVATE, AND I DO PLENTY OF THAT TOO FIRST THING IN THE A.M.,AND LAST THING AT NIGHT. WELL, TIME FOR MY YUMMY CAFE' CON LECHE' TO WAKE ME UP AND GET ME GOING.  MIKE JR. JUST CALLED-HE IS IN ALABAMA RIGHT NOW.  HE IS SUCH A WONDERFUL SON-I WILL MISS HIM AND HIS BEAUTIFUL GIRLS-ALL THREE OF THEM (DON'T FORGET TO COUNT HIS WIFE LAURA!!).  TILL TOMORROW-ONE STEP IN FRONT OF THE OTHER!!!  JUST ME

THE FRIENDS ALSO MISS MIKE AT THE MEETINGS!!

SO MANY KIND WORDS ABOUT MIKE AND HOW HAPPY HE ALWAYS SEEMED.  NO ONE (EXCEPT THE FEW I TOLD) HAD A CLUE THAT HE WAS THAT ILL.  I EVEN HAD ONE SISTER ASK ME HOW MIKE WAS DOING-THAT SHE MISSED SEEING HIM AT THE MEETING THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS.  SHE WAS SHOCKED TO HEAR HE HAD PASSED.  HE ALWAYS LOOKED SO HANDSOME AND HEALTHY IN HIS NICE NEW SUITS.  SEVERAL PEOPLE HAVE ALSO COMMENTED ON WHAT GREAT KIDS WE HAVE-THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT!!  I JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY BALLY'S MEMBERSHIP IS NOW GOOD AT L.A. FITNESS-THAT WOULD BE GOOD IF THAT IS TRUE, AS THAT IS CLOSE BY, AND I COULD START GOING THERE A COUPLE DAYS A WEEK FOR MY HEALTH.  MY DR. DID NOT LIKE SOME OF MY NUMBERS FROM MY BLOOD WORK, SO SHE WANTS ME TO WAIT UNTIL MAY 1ST, AND THEN COME IN ON A FAST TO RETAKE ALL OF THEM-OH GOODY!!!  MY HOUSE IS REALLY STARTING TO LOOK LIKE A HOME-IT IS SO NICE, CLEAN & FRESHLY PAINTED. I KNOW AT SOME POINT I WILL REALLY ENJOY MY NEW BED ROOM SET, BUT FOR NOW-IT'S JUST NOT HAPPENING.  MY SISTER WILL BE OVER AGAIN SHORTLY-SHE WANTS ME TO COME WITH HER ON A COUPLE GARAGE SALES AS I AM THE BARGAINER.  THE WAY MY HEAD IS RIGHT NOW, THEY MAY ONLY WANT $5. AND I WILL OFFER THEM $10.!!!  I'M SURE GIVEN A LOT MORE TIME, I WILL ADJUST TO MY NEW LIVING ARRANGEMENTS.  IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY, AND THAT'S WITH CONSTANT COMPANY & DISTRACTIONS!!! I KNOW MY SISTER WILL BE CALLING TO SEE IF I AM READY TO GO AT ANY SEC..OF COURSE THE ANSWER IS NO.  I AM STILL SIPPING ON MY CAFE' CON LECHE', AND IN MIKE'S P.J.'S.  YES-I WORE THEM LAST NIGHT. IT WAS HARD-YET COMFORTING AT THE SAME TIME.   I SURE DO MISS MY SWEET LITTLE GRAND BABIES-LAURA TOO.  I HOPE THAT SOON I WILL BE ABLE (STRONG ENOUGH) TO GO FOR A VISIT.  TODAY'S GIFT OF LIFE IS JUST BEAUTIFUL-HOPE WE WILL ALL ENJOY IT AS GOD INTENDED.-TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

HOT SHOWERS ALWAYS MAKE ME CRY-LATELY

I THINK YESTERDAY WAS A HARD DAY FOR ALL OF US.  I KNOW FONDA BROKE DOWN, AS DID I.  I FOUND THE P.J.'S MIKE WAS WEARING MOST DAYS BEFORE HE PASSED-I WAS AFRAID THEY HAD BEEN PUT IN THE BAGS FOR GOOD WILL.  I JUST HELD THEM , SMELLED THEM, AND STARTED TO CRY.  I WAS GOING TO WEAR THEM LAST NIGHT, BUT I JUST COULDN'T.  MAYBE LATER ON.  LAURA, AND MY TWO GRAND BABIES LEFT YESTERDAY. IT WAS SO HARD TO SEE THEM GO-THEY ARE THE BEST CURE FOR WHAT EVER AILS YOU!!  I ALREADY CAN'T WAIT TO SEE THEM AGAIN.  THEIR MOM (LAURA) HAS APPLIED FOR SOME SPECIAL TRAINING HERE THAT WILL TAKE PLACE IN JULY.  IF SHE IS CHOSEN-SHE WILL BRING THE GIRLS OUT WITH HER FOR 5 DAYS OR SO.  I SURE HOPE THAT HAPPENS.  I KNOW I WILL ALSO BE TAKING A TRIP TO C.A. OVER THE SUMMER, AS I WILL NEED ANOTHER GRAND BABY FIX... I FEEL BADLY FOR MY TWO DOGIES, AS THEY ALSO MISS THEIR DADDY A LOT.  THEY DO NOT WANT ME OUT OF THEIR SIGHT NOW.  THEY SURE ARE SWEET DOGS, AND I AM SO GLAD I HAVE THEM, AS I DON'T FEEL ALL ALONE IN THE HOUSE.  THEY EVEN SLEEP WITH ME, AND THAT IS COMFORTING-PROBABLY FOR ALL OF US.  I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE PLAN IS TODAY-I KNOW MIKE JR. & FONDA SAID THEY WOULD BE HERE AROUND 10 OR 10:30 THIS AM.  I ALSO HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE CHIROPRACTOR AT 1PM.. I HAVE MY MEETING TONIGHT, AND EVEN THOUGH MY MIND WONDERS TO WHEN MIKE WAS SITTING NEXT TO ME AND HOW HE WOULD PUT HIS ARM AROUND ME FOR THE SONG AND THE PRAYER, I AM STILL ABLE TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF THE MEETING.  I ALSO GET A LOT OF HUGS AND KISSES , ENCOURAGEMENT, AND OFFERS TO DO WHATEVER I NEED.  I DON'T THINK THERE IS ANYTHING LEFT TO DO-MY KIDS HAVE PRETTY MUCH DONE IT ALL.  FONDA WAS GOING THROUGH MORE PAPER WORK FOR HOURS AND HOURS AGAIN YESTERDAY.  LIKE I SAID BEFORE-MIKE WAS A PACK RAT-BUT VERY LOVABLE ONE. MY DAUGHTER FELINA, GRAND DAUGHTER JAKKI AND GRANDSON CANYON WERE ALSO HERE FOR A WHILE YESTERDAY.  I WAS GLAD THEY MADE IT BECAUSE LILLY SAID SHE WANTED TO SEE HER AUNT FELINA & JAKKI.  MIKE B. WAS HERE TOO, AND CALLS EVERY DAY TO CHECK ON ME-HE IS SUCH A WONDERFUL GUY.   I DID SLEEP A LITTLE BETTER LAST NIGHT, SO I SURE AM GLAD OF THAT.  I WAS GETTING A LITTLE WOBBLY, AND I THINK IT WAS PARTLY DUE TO A LACK OF SLEEP. WELL, THAT IS HOW THINGS ARE GOING AROUND HERE THIS AM.. I SHOULD GET DRESSED NOW, AS MY SISTER VICKIE WILL BE COMING OVER FOR SOME OF MY CAFE' CON LECHE' IN A FEW MINUTES.  HOPE YOUR DAY WILL BE FRUITFUL.  TILL LATER-JUST ME

COULDN'T SLEEP A WINK LAST NIGHT

JUST LIKE THE LYRICS OF THAT OLD SONG SAYS!!  SO MANY THOUGHTS RACING THROUGH MY BRAIN.  I KNOW I FELL ASLEEP AT SOME POINT LAST NIGHT, BUT IT SURE WAS A STRUGGLE.  MY DOGIES LAY RIGHT NEXT TO ME IN BED.  PRISKA LAYS RIGHT ON MY TUMMY, AND I PET HER WARM BODY WHICH SOOTHS ME AT TIMES.  I HAD A VERY FULL DAY YESTERDAY, AND LOVED PLAYING WITH MY GRAND BABIES.  THEY ARE CUTE TO THE MAX, AND SO VERY VERY LOVABLE!!!  I WILL REALLY MISS THEM AND THEIR MOMMY, AS THEY ARE LEAVING TO GO BACK TO C.A. TODAY.  I WILL GO SEE THEM AS SOON AS I CAN AS I KNOW WITHOUT THEM BEING HERE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH HARDER ON ME THESE FIRST DAYS AND WEEKS WITHOUT MIKE. I CAN NOT BELIEVE ALL THEY WERE ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH IN SUCH A SHORT TIME.  I HAVE A NEW (DIFFERENT) BED ROOM SET, NEW PAINT IN THE LIVING ROOM, HALL WAY, AND BED ROOM!!  THEY HAVE CLEANED OUT SO MUCH OF THE GARAGE-I HARDLY KNOW IT ANY MORE.  THEY HAVE EVEN CHANGED THINGS UP IN WHAT WAS MIKE'S OFFICE/MY EXERCISE ROOM.  I HAVE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF THEM BEING HERE-IF ONLY IT COULD HAVE BEEN UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES.   I GUESS I NEED TO GET DRESSED NOW-THE KIDS WANT TO TAKE ME OUT FOR BREAKFAST BEFORE THEY LEAVE LATER TODAY.  I GOT A LITTLE SCARE WITH THE DRYER THIS AM-IT WOULD NOT START.  I WENT TO THE FUSE BOX (NOT SURE IF THAT IS THE RIGHT WORD FOR IT) AND JUST STARTED TURNING STUFF OFF AND THEN ON AGAIN AND IT WORKED!!!  THE DRYING IS BACK TO DRYING, SO I WON'T BE NEEDING TO HAVE IT FIXED OR REPLACED JUST YET.  WELL I HAVE ALREADY DONE MY MORNING ROUTINE WITH MIKE, AND AM FEELING A LITTLE BETTER NOW.  I AM DRINKING MY CAFE' CON LECHE', SO MAYBE THAT WILL PERK ME BACK UP.  THE DOCTOR'S VISIT WENT WELL YESTERDAY, AND ART (FONDA'S HUSBAND) WENT WITH ME.  THEY DREW SOME BLOOD, CHANGED A FEW MEDS., AND WANT TO SEE ME BACK THERE IN A WEEK OR SO.  THAT IS ABOUT IT FOR THIS AM. . I SURE AM THANKFUL FOR ALL MY GOOD FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS, AND ESPECIALLY ALL MY CHILDREN AND GRAND CHILDREN.  WHAT A BLESSING THEY ARE ALWAYS, BUT ESPECIALLY RIGHT NOW.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS BY ROUT

EVERYDAY NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND ME-I KEEP SEEING MIKE'S FACE, AND I JUST WANT TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY.  THIS MORNING WHEN I WENT INTO THE BED ROOM I TOLD HIM HOW PROUD HE WOULD BE TO SEE HOW ALL THE KIDS ARE WORKING TOGETHER SO HARD TO FIX UP THE HOUSE FOR ME.  TO GIVE IT A LITTLE DIFFERENT LOOK, AS WELL AS GOING THROUGH ALL THE PAPERS THAT HE HAD ACCUMULATED FOR YEARS!! IT'S HARD TO TRY AND BE "UP" ALL THE TIME, BUT I GUESS IF I COULD DO IT FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS FOR MIKE-I CAN DO IT A LITTLE LONGER FOR MY GRAND BABIES.  I MAY EVEN HAVE A GREAT GRAND BABY ANY DAY NOW-POOR JAKKI IS JUST MISERABLE AND WANTS THAT LITTLE RUG RAT OUT OF THERE NOW!!  MY SISTER'S DAUGHTER DAWN WILL KEEP THE GIRLS OVER AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE THIS A.M. WHILE THEY FINISH ALL THEIR PAINTING.  I'M SURE THINGS WILL BE LOVELY WHEN THEY ARE ALL FINISHED. THIS MORNING I  HAVE A DOCTOR'S APT. ART (FONDA'S HUSBAND-THE P.A.) IS PLANNING TO GO WITH ME. I HAVE BEEN HAVING SOME HEALTH ISSUES SO THEY MAY WANT TO RUN SOME TEST.  PERSONALLY I THINK IT IS JUST THE STRESS OF LOSING MY LIFE TIME PARTNER, BUT THEY WANT TO BE SURE.  BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY AS THE SAYING GOES.  THEN I THINK MY SISTER VICKIE AND I WILL TAKE A LITTLE TRIP DURING THE WEEK TO A BEACH SOMEWHERE, AND BOTH HAVE OURSELVES A GOOD CRY!!!  SHE IS STILL NOT IN A GOOD PLACE (EVEN AFTER ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF) AFTER LOSING HER HUSBAND OF 46 YEARS-I DON'T IMAGINE I AM GOING TO BE  "O.K." FOR A LONG WHILE YET MYSELF.  I AM REALLY TRYING HARD TO GET BACK INTO A ROUTINE.  I WILL BE WALKING THE DOGS EVERYDAY AS MIKE USE TO DO UNTIL HE COULD NO LONGER WALK.  I HAVE TO SAY I THINK MIKE DIED WITH SO MUCH GRACE, AND ALL HE EVER REALLY COMPLAINED ABOUT WERE HIS KNEES AND NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK ANY MORE.  I DON'T THINK HE EVER KNEW HE WAS THAT SICK, AND I AM REALLY THANKFUL FOR THAT.  HE WAS HAPPY EVERY DAY AND IN A GOOD MOOD. HE WAS NEVER STINGY WITH THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU".  I THINK WE COULD ALL LEARN A LESSON FROM THAT.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

LOTS OF THINGS ARE CHANGING AROUND HERE!!

MY LIVING ROOM IS NOW A DIFFERENT COLOR (S), AND SOON MY BED ROOM WILL BE TOO. I STILL HAVE SO MUCH TROUBLE GOING INTO MY BED ROOM SEEING MIKE'S PICTURE AND HIS URN.  I AM GRATEFUL TO HAVE MY GRAND BABIES, LAURA, & MIKE JR. HERE STILL-THEY HAVE BEEN AN ENORMOUS HELP IN KEEPING ME SANE (OR CLOSE TO IT).  EVERYONE IS CHIPPING IN TO HELP-DAWN  (MY SISTER VICKIE'S DAUGHTER) & RICH (HER HUSBAND) SPENT THE WHOLE DAY HERE HELPING OUT.  I HAVE AN AWESOME FAMILY. AS MOST OF YOU WHO KNEW, MY HUSBAND, HE  WAS A HUGE PACK RAT, AND THAT HAS PROBABLY BEEN THE MOST DIFFICULT CHORE OF ALL.  HE HAS PAPER WORK DATING BACK TO THE 70'S, AND YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ALL OF THEM, AS YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT NEEDS TO BE SHREDDED.  WE STILL HAVE HIS CLOSET AND DRAWERS TO GO THROUGH, BUT I'M NOT SURE I AM READY FOR THAT JUST YET.  MIKE JR. WILL BE HERE FOR ANOTHER WEEK, BUT LAURA AND THE GIRLS WILL BE LEAVING ON WEDS..  I SURE WILL MISS THEM !!  WE HAVE GOTTEN SO MANY LOVELY CARDS WITH SWEET MESSAGES-I PLAN TO MAKE AN ALBUM OUT OF THEM. MY BLOOD PRESSURE HAS BEEN DOING CRAZY STUFF LATELY-IT GOT AS HIGH AS 222 OVER 109 SAT. NIGHT..  I AM GOING TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY P.C.P. TODAY, AND SEE IF THEY WANT TO RUN A FEW TEST TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME.  THE DOGIES HAVE ALSO BEEN GREAT, AND ARE NOW SLEEPING WITH ME.  THEY ARE LOVING THAT, AND I TOO AM GETTING SOME GOOD OUT OF IT AS WELL.  I AM TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY WITH DIFFERENT PROJECTS-LIKE RESTORING A COUPLE OF PICTURES WITH JADE FLOWERS ON THEM.  I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED ANY THING TO DO WITH THE LEFT SIDE OF THE BRAIN, SO NOW IS MY CHANCE TO PUT THAT TO GOOD USE.  EACH DAY IS STILL A STRUGGLE-NO WAY TO AVOID THAT I GUESS.  I TRY AND LIMIT MY BREAKDOWNS TO TWICE A DAY-FIRST THING IN THE AM WHEN I GO INTO OUR BED ROOM.  I KISS MIKE'S PICTURE, AND THE TEARS JUST FLOW.  ALSO JUST BEFORE BED TIME-SAME THING.  THE SHOWER IS A GREAT PLACE TO JUST LET LOOSE AS THE WATER HIDES THE SOUND OF THE TEARS.  I KNOW I WILL SLOWLY GET BETTER AND BE ABLE TO DO MORE, BUT FOR NOW, I AM JUST THANKFUL FOR HOW FAR I HAVE COME.  I WAS OUT IN SERVICE FOR AN HOUR ON SAT., AND HAD A LOVELY TIME.  IT IS A WORK I LOVE, AS THERE ARE SO MANY OUT THERE HUNGERING AND THIRSTING TO UNDERSTAND GOD'S WORD BETTER.  WELL, I AM SURE ALL MY KIDS WILL BE OVER SOON, AND I NEED TO GET DRESSED, AND FEED MY SWEET DOGIES.  HERE'S HOPING FOR A HAPPIER TOMORROW FOR ALL OF US-JUST ME

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK-WENT TO MY MEETING YESTERDAY

IT WAS LIKE SURROUND SOUND WITH PEOPLE!!  SO MANY SHARING A HUG AND A NOD-NO WORDS WERE NECESSARY.  ALL OF US HAVE AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER LOST A DEAR LOVED ONE IN DEATH.  YET WE ARE ALL COMFORTED BY THE SAME BIBLE PROMISES THAT WE WILL SEE OUR LOVED ONES AGAIN.  IT IS OF GREAT COMFORT TO ME TO KNOW MIKE IS NOT SUFFERING, NOR IS HE  MISSING US.  AS THE BIBLE SAYS, HE IS IN A DEEP LIKE SLEEP-JUST WAITING TO BE AWAKENED  TO A NEW A BETTER WORLD THAN WHAT HE LEFT BEHIND.  THE GRAND KIDS HAVE BEEN SUCH A WONDERFUL DISTRACTION FOR THE NORMAL PAINS WE ALL FEEL WHEN WE ARE FORCED TO TAKE THIS JOURNEY AND ARE SEPARATED FROM THE ONES WE LOVE.  ONLY WHEN I AM TOTALLY ALONE DO I ALLOW MYSELF TO HAVE A MUCH NEEDED  BREAKDOWN, BUT THEN MY DOGIES ARE GREAT AT LICKING UP TEARS!!  THEY SLEEP WITH ME EVERY NIGHT, AND I PRETEND THAT THE WARMTH I AM FEELING IS MIKE'S LEGS.  HIS LEGS ALWAYS KEPT ME WARM IN THE COLDEST OF WINTERS.   HE WILL ALWAYS BE MISSED BY ME FOR SO MANY MANY OTHER REASONS, AS WILL HE TO  ALL WHO KNEW HIM.  I HOPE TO REPLACE OUR BED ROOM SET TODAY WITH ANOTHER USED ONE, AS I CAN STILL NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE IN OUR ROOM-IT HAS TOO MANY MEMORIES OF THE MANY MONTHS MIKE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN.  TODAY WILL BE SAD, AS FONDA AND MIKE JR. WILL BE PICKING UP MIKE'S REMAINS.  I WILL KEEP THEM IN OUR ROOM SO HE CAN ALWAYS BE CLOSE BY ME (AND THE DOGIES).  EACH DAY HAS NOT YET GOTTEN EASIER OR LESS PAINFUL, I HAVE JUST HAD TO FIND WAYS TO HIDE OR CONTROL MY TEARS WHEN OTHERS ARE AROUND.  I HAVE NEVER BEEN ONE TO SHOW HOW UPSET I AM IN FRONT OF OTHERS-DON'T KNOW WHY OR HOW THAT CAME ABOUT.  WELL, VICKIE WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE, SO TILL TOMORROW-I AM ONE DAY CLOSER TO SEEING NOT JUST MIKE, BUT ALL THOSE I HAVE LOVED AND LOST OVER THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS.  MANY HUGS FOR YOUR LOVE AND ENCOURAGEMENT-JUST ME

COMPUTER NOT WORKING-HAD TO FIX IT BEFORE I COULD POST

MY SISTER IS HERE THIS  AM AS WE HAVE HOSPICE COMING AND ANOTHER COMPANY WHO COULD USE ALL OF MIKE'S OLD OSTOMY SUPPLIES, AND I KNOW THAT SURE WOULD HAVE MADE HIM VERY HAPPY.  HE WAS ALWAYS SUCH A GENEROUS SOUL.  MY DOGS MISS HIM ALMOST AS MUCH AS ME-THEY EVEN KISS HIS PICTURE JUST LIKE I DO.  OF COURSE THEY DO NOT TELL HIM HOW MUCH THEY MISS HIM OR WHY WE ARE NOT SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED ROOM AS HE DOES, BUT IT IS VERY APPARENT THEY ARE GRIEVING IN THEIR OWN LITTLE DOGIE WAY.  YESTERDAY WAS VERY BUSY WITH ALL MY KIDS, AND BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES WERE HERE TO KEEP MY MIND ON HAPPY THOUGHTS.  I ALSO WENT TO A NEW CHIROPRACTOR, WHO WAS WONDERFUL, AND ABLE TO GET RID OF MY ON GOING HEAD ACHE.  A HUGE THANK YOU TO FONDA WHO NOT ONLY FOUND HER BUT TOOK ME THERE YESTERDAY. TONIGHT IS MY FAVORITE NIGHT OF THE WEEK-THURS., AND I AM PLANNING TO GET BACK TO THE K. H. AND SEE MY BELOVED BROTHERS AND SISTERS,  GET SOME WARM HUGS, AND BUILT UP SPIRITUALLY.  I HAVE TRIED TO KEEP UP WITH ALL MY BIBLE READING AND BOOK STUDYING, BUT I'M NOT SURE HOW MUCH OF IT SUNK IN.  MY MIND KEPT WONDERING BACK TO MIKE AND THEN I WOULD CATCH MYSELF AND TRY AND FOCUS ONCE AGAIN ON THE BIBLE.  I KNOW THE DAYS AHEAD WILL BE DIFFICULT-ESPECIALLY ONCE MY SON, LAURA, AND THE GRAND BABIES LEAVE TO GO BACK HOME TO C.A... FONDA, AND FELINA, WILL STILL BE HERE, AND I KNOW THEY WILL MAKE SURE I KEEP MAKING PROGRESS AND STAYING BUSY. THANKS SO MUCH TO MY WONDERFUL DAUGHTER IN LAW LAURA, WHO SPENT COUNTLESS HOURS YESTERDAY MAKING ME A VEGETABLE GARDEN TO CARE FOR AND KEEP ME BUSY AS WELL.  OF COURSE NO TIME WILL HEAL THE PAIN OF LOSING MY LIFE LONG MATE, BUT IN TIME I KNOW WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN UNDER FAR BETTER CONDITIONS AND NOT FOR JUST A FEW YEARS FILLED WITH ACHES AND PAINS, BUT IN PERFECT HEALTH AS GOD WANTED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING FOR US.  I PLAN TO DO MY PART TOWARDS THE HEALING PROCESS-MOSTLY BECAUSE I KNOW MIKE WOULD WANT ME TO, BUT ALSO FOR ALL THE OTHERS THAT LOVE AND STILL NEED ME.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

RECOVERY-DAY TWO-EVEN MY DOGS ARE SAD

BEFORE MIKE PASSED, PRESLEY WENT THREE DAYS WITH OUT EATING.  I AM WITH FAMILY MOST OF THE DAY, BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO AT NIGHT WITH OUT MY DOGIES.  THEY LAY WITH ME IN BED, AND GIVE ME KISSES-I GUESS IT IS THERE WAY OF SAYING "SORRY MOM".  MY DARLING GRAND DAUGHTERS KEEP ME GOING THROUGHOUT THE DAY-THEIR SMILES REALLY LIGHT UP A ROOM!!  WE ARE ALL TAKING IT ONE DAY AT A TIME-DEALING WITH OUR GRIEF IN OUR OWN WAY.  I DO KNOW THAT WHEN MY MOM DIED, THE PROMISED RESURRECTION HELPED SO MUCH.  THE SAME WAS TRUE WHEN MY DAD PASSED AWAY. I WAS CONTENT KNOWING THAT SOMEDAY DOWN THE ROAD THERE WOULD BE THIS PROMISED RESURRECTION AS IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD TO LIE.  BUT NOW, THAT'S ABOUT ALL I THINK ABOUT.  I GO TO SLEEP DREAMING ABOUT IT, THINK ABOUT IT THROUGHOUT THE DAY, AND FALL ASLEEP THINKING ABOUT IT AT NIGHT.  I ONLY THOUGHT I KNEW THE STING OF DEATH BEFORE-NOW I AM SURE I DO.  I START MY DAY WITH A GOOD MORNING KISS TO MIKE'S PICTURE, AND END IT THE SAME WAY.  AT NIGHT I TELL HIM (EVEN THOUGH I KNOW HE CAN NOT HEAR ME), THAT I AM SO SORRY, BUT I CAN NOT SLEEP IN THE SAME ROOM WITH HIM RIGHT NOW.  I KNOW I WILL AGAIN-BUT IT WILL JUST TAKE SOME TIME.  YESTERDAY I PUT AN AD ON CREIGSLIST TO SELL OUR BED ROOM SET.  I WILL KEEP OUR BOX SPRING AND MATTRESS, BUT I THINK IT WILL HELP IN THE HEALING PROCESS NOT TO SEE THE SAME FURNITURE IN THE ROOM.  MY KIDS HAVE SAID THEY WILL PAINT IT FOR ME WHICH WOULD BE LOVELY AND HELP AS WELL.  I  RECEIVED  MANY MANY  CARDS IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY, AND MORE FLOWERS.  I THINK MIKE WOULD HAVE BEEN SO HAPPY TO SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE'S LIVES HE TOUCHED.  WELL, I AM GETTING TEARS IN MY CAFFE' CON LECHE', SO I THINK IT MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO END MY SECOND DAY OF RECOVERY.  TILL LATER MY DEAR FRIENDS-JUST ME

FIRST MORNING AFTER MIKE'S SERVICE.

FIRST I REALLY WANT TO THANK MY SON IN LAW MIKE B. FOR DELIVERING SUCH A LOVELY TALK UNDER SUCH DURESS.  HE AND MY MIKE WERE QUITE CLOSE, AND I KNOW THAT GIVING THAT TALK WAS NOT AN EASY TASK FOR HIM.  I WAS PLEASED TO HAVE SO MANY DEAR FRIENDS SHOW UP, BUT DEEPLY SADDENED THAT THERE WAS NO ANNOUNCEMENT MADE AT THE K. H. ABOUT THE TALK (ONLY A VIEWING).  I KNOW THAT MANY MORE OF OUR DEAR FRIENDS WOULD HAVE LOVED TO HAVE COME, AND WOULD HAVE.  I HAD EVERY INTENTION OF STOPPING MY DAILY POSTS, AS I FELT IT WAS ALL ABOUT MIKE AND THE JOURNEY HE WAS ON AND HOW IT EFFECTED MYSELF AND OTHERS.  MY SON SUGGESTED YESTERDAY THAT I CONTINUE TO POST ABOUT THE HEALING PROCESS, AND HOW AND WHAT I AM FEELING AND DOING EACH DAY.  I WANTED TO SPEND MY FIRST NIGHT ALONE IN MY HOME-BUT NOT IN "OUR BED".  I LET THE DOGS UP IN BED WITH ME IN ONE OF OUR OTHER ROOMS.  MY CHILDREN WERE WORRIED THAT I WOULD NOT EAT OR TAKE MY MEDS., SO I INVITED MY SISTER VICKIE OVER AND WE SHARED A GLASS OF WINE, WHILE I ATE A LITTLE SALAD WITH CHICKEN IN IT, AND A CORN ON THE COB.  I TOOK ALL MY PILLS, AND THEN HAD HER CALL MY KIDS TO LET THEM KNOW I WAS FINE, AND SHE SAW ME TAKE MY PILLS AND EAT.  SHE THEN WENT HOME, AND I WENT TO GET MIKE'S PICTURE, HELD AND KISSED IT, AND OF COURSE SHED SOME TEARS.  ALL THREE OF MIKE'S GIRLS WERE WITH HIM WHEN HE PASSED, TELLING HIM HOW MUCH WE LOVE HIM.  IT WAS SO QUICK-AT LEAST THAT IS HOW I FELT.  LAURA, MIKE JR. AND OUR TWO BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES DROVE STRAIGHT THROUGH FROM C.A. TO BE HERE IN TIME TO SAY GOOD BY TO GRANDPA.  I THINK LILLY REALLY TOOK IT HARD, AND ASKED ME LATER IF SHE COULD HAVE A GRANDPA CARD (THE ONES WITH HIS PICTURE AND FAMILY INFORMATION).  I FELT BAD AND ALMOST SELFISH WANTING TO BE HOME ALONE AFTER THE SERVICE, BUT MY HEART NEEDED THAT.  TODAY I WILL SPEND TIME WITH MY GRAND BABIES, AND FAMILY.  I PRAY FOR CONTINUED PRAYERS, AS THEY HAVE DONE WONDERS FOR ME THUS FAR!!!!  THANK YOU, AND MUCH LOVE, JUST ME

SADDEST NEWS OF ALL-BUT NOT UNEXPECTED

MY DEAREST HUSBAND MIKE FELL ASLEEP IN DEATH FRIDAY MORNING AT 9:45AM.. HE IS NOW RESTING IN GOD'S MEMORY AND WAITING FOR THE PROMISED RESURRECTION (JOHN 5:28).  THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT OVER THIS MOST DIFFICULT TIME. OVER AND OUT-JUST ME

THE LATEST IS NOT THE GREATEST!!

LAST NIGHT THE CRISIS NURSE DID NOT FEEL THAT MIKE WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT.  HE DID.  HE IS STRUGGLING FOR EVERY BREATH HE TAKES, AND IT IS VERY HARD TO WATCH. BOTH FELINA AND FONDA SPENT THE NIGHT, AND I SLEPT IN BED AGAIN WITH MIKE.  I AM SO THANKFUL THAT HE HAS NEVER HAD TO BE PUT ON A HOSPITAL BED, BUT HAS BEEN ABLE TO STAY IN HIS OWN BED NEXT TO ME.  I THINK THAT HAS BEEN GOOD FOR BOTH OF US.  WE HAD TO HAVE OUR OWN LITTLE MEMORIAL SERVICE HERE IN OUR LIVING ROOM LAST NIGHT. THERE WERE 8 OF US, OR 9 IF YOU COUNT MINKA (WHO WILL BE BORN THIS MONTH)!!  IT WAS LOVELY, AND WE PASSED THE UNLEAVENED LOAF AND THE WINE.  WE WERE A SMALL GROUP, BUT I KNOW JEHOVAH KNOWS WE REMEMBERED AND CELEBRATED THE LIFE AND DEATH OF HIS DEAR SON. THERE IS NOT MUCH TO WRITE TODAY, AS I JUST WANT TO GET BACK IN THERE WITH MIKE.  THERE IS A CRISIS NURSE HERE 24/7, AND SOMEONE HAS BEEN MANAGING ALL CALLS, AS I AM NOT IN GREAT SHAPE TO BE TALKING ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.  I PROMISE I WILL KEEP YOU ALL POSTED, AND PLEASE KEEP UP THE PRAYERS, THEY HAVE BEEN SUCH A HUGE HELP FOR ME-LOVE TO YOU ALL, JUST ME

HORRIBLE DAY-PART 11

WE HAVE HAD THE CRISIS NURSES HERE ALL NIGHT.  MIKE CONTINUES TO DECLINE.  HIS FEVER CONTINUES TO CLIMB NO MATTER HOW MUCH WE DO TO CONTAIN IT.  I SLEPT (IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT) WITH MIKE LAST NIGHT.  JUST WANTED HIM TO HEAR MY VOICE, AND KNOW I WAS THERE WITH HIM, AS THEY SAY THE HEARING IS THE LAST THING TO GO.  I WILL KEEP THIS SHORT, AS I AM BUSHED, AND NEED TO DO SO MUCH.  PLEASE CONTINUE TO KEEP US IN YOUR PRAYERS-I WILL KEEP YOU POSTED-EVEN IF IT IS ON THE WEEK END.  BLESS ALL OF YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND CONCERN ALL THROUGH THIS LONG HARD JOURNEY.  MUCH LOVE, MIKE & ME

SAD NEWS-MIKE HAS BEEN PUT ON CRISIS CARE

OVER THE PAST TWO DAYS MIKE HAS GONE DOWN HILL VERY FAST.  WE HAVE HAD A NURSE HERE 24/7, AND THEY HAVE ORDERED A HOSPITAL BED FOR HIM AS WELL. LAST NIGHT I SLEPT IN ONE OF THE GUEST ROOMS AND IT FELT SO STRANGE NOT TO HAVE MIKE IN BED BESIDE ME.  I HAD TO TAKE SOME MEDS. MYSELF JUST SO I COULD SLEEP.   HE IS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT, AND YESTERDAY AFTER A REALLY ROUGH AM WITH HIM HE WAS IN BED ALL DAY AND NEVER ATE ANYTHING THE WHOLE DAY.  I HAVE BEEN TOLD HE IS DECLINING VERY FAST, AND WILL MOST LIKELY NOT GET OUT OF BED AGAIN.  HE IS ON PAIN MEDS. EVERY 4 HOURS OR SO TO KEEP HIS PAIN DOWN TO A MINIMUM..  THE NEXT FEW DAYS WILL PROVE TO BE EVEN MORE DIFFICULT THAN THE PREVIOUS ONES I AM SURE.  IT IS AMAZING TO ME HOW QUICKLY THINGS CAN AND DO CHANGE. OUR NIECE DAWN AND OUR DAUGHTER FONDA WERE HERE MUCH OF THE AFTERNOON, AND WERE MOVING THINGS AROUND FOR ME TO MAKE ROOM FOR THE OXYGEN TANKS, AND OTHER STUFF.  I HAVE BEEN IN A FOG LIKE STATE-DOING THINGS BY ROTE LIKE A ROBOT.   I ESPECIALLY FEEL BAD FOR MY SISTER VICKIE WHO HAS TAKEN THIS ALMOST AS HARD AS ME.  IT IS LIKE SHE IS LIVING THROUGH HER HUSBANDS DEATH LAST YEAR ALL OVER AGAIN.  MY HEART GOES OUT TO HER.  PLEASE KEEP US ALL IN YOUR PRAYERS, AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO KEEP YOU UPDATED ON ANY NEW DEVELOPMENTS.  THANKFULLY HE IS NOT IN PAIN RIGHT NOW, AND I AM SURE HOSPICE  WILL DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP IT THAT WAY.  I HOPE WHEN I PASS I CAN TRUTHFULLY SAY "I HAVE NO REGRETS " JUST ME

SCARRY SCARRY NIGHT!!

MIKE DID NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING I WAS SAYING YESTERDAY, NOR COULD I UNDERSTAND HIM.  IT WAS A VERY HARD DAY-I'M SURE FOR THE BOTH OF US.  I ALMOST HAD TO CALL HOSPICE LAST NIGHT AROUND 12:30 MIDNIGHT.  HE HAD BEEN IN THE BATH ROOM FOR OVER 2 HOURS!!  I KEPT TRYING TO GET HIM OUT AND GET HIM IN BED, BUT HE SAID HE HAD TO GO POOP, SO HE WOULD NOT GET OFF THE POT.  I CHECKED ON HIM SO MANY TIMES THAT HE APPARENTLY GOT UPSET WITH ME AND LOCKED THE BATH ROOM DOOR!!! WHEN I DID GET IN, HE WAS SHAKING LIKE A LEAF ALL OVER, ALMOST LIKE SOMEONE IN SHOCK WILL DO. I ASKED HIM IF HE WAS COLD BUT HE SAID NO.  I WAS TRULY AFRAID TO LEAVE HIM IN THERE ANY LONGER, BUT HE INSISTED.  BY THE TIME I GOT HIM INTO BED I FELT LIKE A WET NOODLE!!  HE DID TAKE HIS MEDS., AND WENT TO SLEEP PRETTY FAST-I KNOW I DID.  I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL LIKE MY MIKE-THE ONE I LOVE AND HAVE BEEN  MARRIED TO FOR SO LONG, HAS LEFT THE BUILDING (SO TO SPEAK).  HE STILL KNOWS ME AND THE KIDS, BUT I CAN NO LONGER COMMUNICATE WITH HIM.  I CAN BE TALKING TO HIM, AND HE WILL JUST BE STARING OFF INTO SPACE.  HE ONLY ATE ONE MEAL YESTERDAY, AND HAD AN ICE CREAM BEFORE GOING TO BED.  HIS HOSPICE NURSE COMES TOMORROW, AND WE WILL SEE WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.  WHEN HE IS UP, HE WILL JUST SIT AT THE DINNING ROOM TABLE SOMETIMES FOR HOURS.  HE WILL NOT EVEN BUDGE FOR HIS FAVORITE SHOWS, LIKE "WHEEL OF FORTUNE", OR THE MAGIC GAMES.  MY DEAR NEIGHBOR MARTHA (AND HER SON) BROUGHT OVER SOME DINNER FOR US YESTERDAY AND A RAMP FOR MIKE'S WHEEL CHAIR.  WE HAVE SUCH A WONDERFUL NEIGHBORHOOD-I IMAGINE IT WILL BE MUCH LIKE THIS (ONLY BETTER) IN THE NEW SYSTEM WHEN ALL OUR NEIGHBORS EXPRESS LOVING KINDNESS TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER.  MIKE IS STILL RESTING-I AM GLAD FOR THAT.  AT LEAST I KNOW HE IS NOT IN ANY PAIN RIGHT NOW.  I KNOW I HAVE SAID IT BEFORE, BUT IT BEARS REPEATING-CHERISH EVERY MOMENT-LIFE IS FLEETING-JUST ME

DID YOU EVER KNOW THAT THERE ARE THREE LONDONS??

NEITHER DID I, BUT THAT'S ONE OF THE MANY THINGS MIKE SAID YESTERDAY, AND ONE OF THE FEW THINGS I COULD MAKE OUT. WE HAD OUR FAMILY BIBLE STUDY YESTERDAY, AND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PRAYER MIKE SAYS "RINGALING"(L.O.L.).  EVEN WHEN  USING MY FINGER TO POINT OUT EACH WORD-MIKE STILL HAS A HARD TIME FOLLOWING ALONG.  HE DID VERY MUCH ENJOY THE COMPANY AND SEEMED TO HAVE A NICE TIME.  IT IS SO ENCOURAGING TO READ ABOUT JESUS LAST DAYS ON EARTH-ALL HE WENT THROUGH.  IT REALLY MAKES YOU LOOK FORWARD TO THE MEMORIAL, AND IN SOME SMALL WAY SHOW HOW MUCH WE APPRECIATE HIS ENORMOUS SACRIFICE IN OUR BEHALF.  MIKE IS STILL SLEEPING, AND I HAVE BEEN UP FOR A WHILE.  THE DOGS ALWAYS NEED TO GO OUT EARLY, AS I LOCK THEM IN AT NIGHT. MY HEAD ACHE DID RETURN, BUT ONLY FOR A SHORT WHILE, AS I THINK I NIPPED IT IN THE BUD BY TAKING SOMETHING FOR IT RIGHT AWAY.  MIKE SEEMS TO FORGET THINGS FROM ONE SECOND TO THE NEXT. LIKE LAST NIGHT, I PUT ON SOME NEW CLOTHES FOR HIM,  AND WHEN I WENT INTO THE BATH ROOM A FEW MINUTES LATER TO CHECK ON HIM, HE HAD ALREADY TAKEN THEM OFF.  HE WAS ALSO NOT FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS AT ALL LAST NIGHT (OR DURING THE DAY), AND WHEN I KEPT SAYING IT WAS BED TIME HE MADE A FACE AT ME LIKE "LEAVE ME ALONE".  THAT'S WHEN HE STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE THREE LONDONS, AND HOW WE HAD BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  I TRIED TELLING HIM THAT I WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT, BUT HE KEPT SAYING OTHER STUFF, AND NOT LETTING ME GET HIM UP OUT OF HIS RECLINER.  I FORGOT HIS HOSPICE NURSE HAD GIVEN ME A PILL FOR SUCH TIMES, OR I SURE WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT TO HIM.  WHEN FELINA & TRESSA WERE HERE WATCHING HIM FOR ME SO I COULD GO TO MY SUN. MEETING, FELINA SAID HE KEPT TRYING TO PUSH HIS HIS PILL INTO HIS ARM.  SHE WOULD TELL HIM " NO DADDY, YOU NEED TO PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH AND SWALLOW IT", BUT SHE SAID IT TOOK HIM A WHILE BEFORE HE DID THAT.  HE IS HAVING MORE AND MORE SEDIMENT IN HIS OSTOMY BAG, AND HE HAS NOTICED IT AND THE BLOOD.  I TOLD HIM THAT IS WHY THEY PUT HIM ON THE ANTIBIOTICS, BECAUSE HE HAS AN INFECTION IN HIS KIDNEYS.  THE HOSPICE DOCTOR HAS TOLD ME THAT THE SEDIMENT IS THE CANCER COMING OUT IN HIS URINE.  ALL I KNOW IS THAT HE IS STILL HAPPY MOST OF THE TIME WHEN HE IS AWAKE.  STILL, NO MATTER HOW MUCH MED. THEY GIVE HIM, HE CONTINUES  TO BE IN A LOT OF PAIN WHEN HE IS AWAKE.  I WISH I KNEW THE ANSWER, BUT ALL I KNOW IS I DON'T WANT HIM TO SUFFER.  HOSPICE JUST INCREASED HIS PAIN MEDS., SO MAYBE THINGS WILL GET BETTER FOR HIM SOON.  THEY HAVE ALSO SAID THAT HE WILL MOST LIKELY SLEEP MORE, AND EAT LESS.  AT THIS POINT, I AM OK WITH THAT.  I KNOW THAT WHEN HE IS SLEEPING HE IS NOT IN PAIN, AND I KNOW IN MY HEAD THAT IS TRULY WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM.  IT IS THE HEART THAT I AM HAVING TROUBLE CONVINCING!!  I AM PRETTY EXCITED THAT THIS MONTH WE WILL HAVE OUR FIRST GREAT GRAND BABY!!  JAKKI WAS HAVING SOME CONTRACTIONS YESTERDAY DURING OUR BIBLE STUDY!!  IT WON'T BE LONG NOW!!  I WOULD LOVE IT IF MIKE IS HERE TO SEE HER BIRTH.  HOPE YOUR WEEK END WAS SPECIAL, AND THAT TODAY WILL BE GOOD TO EACH ONE OF YOU!!  JUST ME