SUN, SAND, BEACH, AND TEARS!

THE WEATHER WAS BEAUTIFUL, AND THE WATER WAS GORGEOUS, BUT ALL I COULD THINK OF WAS MIKE.  HE WANTED TO GO TO THE BEACH SO BAD, BUT I COULD NOT THINK OF A WAY TO GET HIM THERE SAFELY.  HE COULD NOT WALK IN THE SAND, AND THE WHEEL CHAIR CAN NOT BE ROLLED IN THE SAND.  I TRIED NOT TO CRY, BUT T HE TEARS JUST FLOWED.  IT'S HARD TO UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE CAN BE HAPPY (I AM A GREAT GRAND MOTHER NOW), AND SO SAD AT THE SAME TIME.  WE ARE TRULY COMPLICATEDLY MADE!!  THE REST OF SAT. WAS OK.  I WENT TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, HAD DINNER THERE, AND WATCHED PART OF A MOVIE (THE CHIP MONKS NEW MOVIE ON A SHIP).  CAME HOME, AND WENT TO BED.  YESTERDAY WAS ANOTHER BAD HARD DAY.  I WAS UP SINCE 1:30AM, (SEVERE LEG CRAMPS) AND DECIDED I WOULD LISTEN AN EARLY AM MEETING, AS I WAS TOO TIRED TO DRIVE TO MY OWN.  ALSO I WAS STILL NOT FEELING ALL THAT WELL.  FONDA CAME OVER, AND WE BOTH HAD SUCH A GOOD CRY, THAT I COULD NOT BREATHE!!  SHE HAD TO RUN OUT TO HER CAR AND GET AN ASTHMA PUMP SO THAT I COULD .  WE HAD TO USE IT TWICE I THINK, AND I HAD TO TAKE SOME NERVE PILLS AS WELL.  I DON'T EVEN HAVE ASTHMA!!  HERE I THOUGHT I WAS DOING SO WELL, AND THEN THE WHOLE WORLD CAME CRASHING DOWN ON ME!!  I THINK IT STARTED WHEN I WOKE UP IN SUCH BAD LEG PAIN SAT. AM.. MIKE WOULD ALWAYS HELP ME BY GETTING MY QUININE WATER, PILLS, AND HEATING UP MY BED BUDDY.  I HAD TO CRAWL TO THE KITCHEN PRAYING ALL THE WAY TO REACH MY PILLS, AND THEN HEAT UP MY BED BUDDY MYSELF. I KNOW MIKE DID NOT CHOOSE TO LEAVE, BUT I COULD NOT HELP THINKING WHERE WAS HE WHEN I NEEDED HIM.  THEN THE TEARS STARTED AND TRULY HAVE NOT STOPPED COMPLETELY SINCE THEN.  I HAVE HAD A FEW GOOD MOMENTS IN BETWEEN, AND I AM SURE I WILL AGAIN, BUT FOR NOW IT IS SO HARD TO THINK OF THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH OUT HIM.  SORRY FOR THE DOWNER THIS AM.  I USUALLY TRY AND LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE, AND I'M SURE I WILL GET THERE AGAIN.  I WILL BE STARTING TO GO TO  THE "Y" THIS WEEK, AND THAT SHOULD HELP (ALL THOSE ENDORPHINS WE ALWAYS HEAR SO MUCH ABOUT).  OH, DOES ANY BODY KNOW OF A CHIHUAHUA RESCUE??  MY NEIGHBOR HAS DECIDED ONCE AGAIN THAT SHE NEEDS TO GET RID OF THE ONE I FOUND FOR HER.  I CHIHUAHUA !!!!  LIKE MIKE ALWAYS USE TO SAY "NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED"!!  WELL, THAT IS IT FOR ME THIS AM-I NEED TO GET DRESSED NOW, SO TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME