GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS BY ROUT

EVERYDAY NO MATTER WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND ME-I KEEP SEEING MIKE'S FACE, AND I JUST WANT TO BREAK DOWN AND CRY.  THIS MORNING WHEN I WENT INTO THE BED ROOM I TOLD HIM HOW PROUD HE WOULD BE TO SEE HOW ALL THE KIDS ARE WORKING TOGETHER SO HARD TO FIX UP THE HOUSE FOR ME.  TO GIVE IT A LITTLE DIFFERENT LOOK, AS WELL AS GOING THROUGH ALL THE PAPERS THAT HE HAD ACCUMULATED FOR YEARS!! IT'S HARD TO TRY AND BE "UP" ALL THE TIME, BUT I GUESS IF I COULD DO IT FOR THE PAST SIX MONTHS FOR MIKE-I CAN DO IT A LITTLE LONGER FOR MY GRAND BABIES.  I MAY EVEN HAVE A GREAT GRAND BABY ANY DAY NOW-POOR JAKKI IS JUST MISERABLE AND WANTS THAT LITTLE RUG RAT OUT OF THERE NOW!!  MY SISTER'S DAUGHTER DAWN WILL KEEP THE GIRLS OVER AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE THIS A.M. WHILE THEY FINISH ALL THEIR PAINTING.  I'M SURE THINGS WILL BE LOVELY WHEN THEY ARE ALL FINISHED. THIS MORNING I  HAVE A DOCTOR'S APT. ART (FONDA'S HUSBAND-THE P.A.) IS PLANNING TO GO WITH ME. I HAVE BEEN HAVING SOME HEALTH ISSUES SO THEY MAY WANT TO RUN SOME TEST.  PERSONALLY I THINK IT IS JUST THE STRESS OF LOSING MY LIFE TIME PARTNER, BUT THEY WANT TO BE SURE.  BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY AS THE SAYING GOES.  THEN I THINK MY SISTER VICKIE AND I WILL TAKE A LITTLE TRIP DURING THE WEEK TO A BEACH SOMEWHERE, AND BOTH HAVE OURSELVES A GOOD CRY!!!  SHE IS STILL NOT IN A GOOD PLACE (EVEN AFTER ALMOST A YEAR AND A HALF) AFTER LOSING HER HUSBAND OF 46 YEARS-I DON'T IMAGINE I AM GOING TO BE  "O.K." FOR A LONG WHILE YET MYSELF.  I AM REALLY TRYING HARD TO GET BACK INTO A ROUTINE.  I WILL BE WALKING THE DOGS EVERYDAY AS MIKE USE TO DO UNTIL HE COULD NO LONGER WALK.  I HAVE TO SAY I THINK MIKE DIED WITH SO MUCH GRACE, AND ALL HE EVER REALLY COMPLAINED ABOUT WERE HIS KNEES AND NOT BEING ABLE TO WALK ANY MORE.  I DON'T THINK HE EVER KNEW HE WAS THAT SICK, AND I AM REALLY THANKFUL FOR THAT.  HE WAS HAPPY EVERY DAY AND IN A GOOD MOOD. HE WAS NEVER STINGY WITH THE WORDS "I LOVE YOU".  I THINK WE COULD ALL LEARN A LESSON FROM THAT.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME