Wednesday, November 30, 2011

HELLO AGAIN, I'M BACK!!

MIKE IS STILL IN BED RESTING.  HE SLEEPS UNTIL AT LEAST 9 OR 10AM MOST DAYS.  THEN AFTER HE EATS SOMETHING, HE WILL OFTEN WANT TO GO BACK TO BED.  THE PAST TWO DAYS HAVE BEEN THE EXCEPTION.  HE IS ACTING MORE LIKE HIS OLD SELF, AND DOING A LOT MORE WALKING.  HE SAYS THE NEW MEDICINE THAT I RUB ON HIS LEGS IS HELPING WITH THE PAIN.   I AM HAPPY THAT HE IS IN LESS PAIN, BUT I DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN HE WANTS TO WALK WITH OUT HIS CANE.  HE IS STILL GIVING ME A HARD TIME ABOUT HIS NIGHT TIME FOLEY BAG, AND I AM NOT SURE WHAT I CAN DO ABOUT THAT.  I SURE DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO GET UP EVERY TWO HOURS OR SO TO EMPTY HIS STOMA BAG (LIKE I HAD TO DO WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL)!!  HE STILL SAYS MANY FUNNY THINGS AT NIGHT JUST BEFORE HE FALLS ASLEEP.  LAST NIGHT HE SAID (AMONG OTHER THINGS) "ARE ALL THREE DOGS HERE"? I SAID "WE ONLY HAVE TWO, BUT THEY ARE BOTH HERE IN THE ROOM".  TO WHICH MIKE SAID " I KNOW WE HAVE TWO REGULAR DOGS".  I GUESS HE WAS THINKING THAT  MAYBE PRISKA & PRESLEY  INVITED A DOGIE FRIEND TO SPEND THE NIGHT!!  WE ARE HAVING COMPANY ON FRIDAY, SAT. & SUN..  AN OLD FRIEND FROM N.C., DARLENE SWOFFORD.  MIKE HAS ALREADY SAID THAT IF JEHOVAH IS WILLING HE WILL BE GOING TO THE MEETING THIS SUNDAY.  I TOLD DARLENE THAT AND SHE SAID SHE WOULD LOVE TO COME WITH US!!!  I AM VERY EXCITED AND HAPPY-GREATLY LOOKING FORWARD TO HER VISIT.  I NEED TO GET READY NOW AS MIKE'S HOSPICE NURSE WILL BE HERE SOON.  HAPPY TO BE BACK ON LINE-HOPE YOUR DAY IS A HAPPY ONE TOO.  JUST ME

Monday, November 28, 2011

Saturday, November 26, 2011

GIBBERISH-MORE GIBBERISH-YOU GOT ALL THAT? L.O.L

IT SEEMS THAT EVEN MIKE REALIZED THAT HE WAS NOT MAKING ANY SENSE, SO THAT'S WHEN HE SAID "YOU GOT ALL THAT"? AND BEGAN LAUGHING.  I MUST SAY, HE HAS BECOME VERY ENTERTAINING AT NIGHT.  ABOUT 3AM I WAKE UP TO A VERY LOUD "MOM"!!!  "WHAT DID YOU DO"?  TO WHICH I REPLIED "NOTHING", "I HAVE NOT MOVED FROM THIS SPOT, AND I WAS SOUND ASLEEP.  WHAT'S WRONG"?  WELL, EVEN AFTER I GOT MIKE HIS NIGHT TIME FOLEY AND ASKED HIM TO PLEASE PUT IT ON, HE DID NOT. THEN HE MUST HAVE FELT THE BAG, AND IT MUST HAVE BEEN LIKE A BALLOON-READY TO POP. THAT'S WHEN HE YELLED FOR MY HELP.  THE NEXT FUNNY THING MIKE SAID LAST NIGHT WAS THAT WE WERE NOT GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT HERE!!  HE SAID THIS IS NOT MY BED AND THIS IS NOT MY HOME, AND I AM NOT GOING TO SPEND THE NIGHT HERE!!  I FELT LIKE L.O.L., BUT INSTEAD, I SIMPLY ASKED HIM WHERE HE THOUGHT HE WAS. I ASSURED HIM THAT IT WAS OUR BED AND IT WAS OUR HOUSE.  I TOLD HIM TO OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK AROUND-SEE ALL OUR THINGS-OUR PICTURE ON THE WALL.  I GUESS THAT MUST HAVE DONE IT, AS THAT WAS THE LAST I HEARD ABOUT THIS NOT BEING OUR HOME.  DESPITE ALL THE INTERRUPTIONS, I DID MANAGE TO GET A DECENT NIGHTS SLEEP, AND I EVEN THINK MY COLD (OR WHAT EVER I HAVE) IS EITHER GONE, OR MUCH BETTER THIS AM!!  MIKE GOT UP VERY EARLY FOR HIM-BY 8AM. SO NEEDLESS TO SAY-I GOT UP TOO.  HE CAN GET INTO A LOT OF TROUBLE IF NO ONE IS WATCHING HIM.  HE HAS GOTTEN TO WHERE HE THINKS IT'S CUTE TO SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE.  YES, HE IS A HANDFUL, BUT A LOVABLE ONE. WELL, I NEED SOME YUMMY CAFE' CON LECHE' AND A LITTLE FOOD TOO, SO TILL MONDAY-HAVE A SUPERB WEEK END!! JUST ME

Friday, November 25, 2011

FIGHTING BACK TEARS ALL DAY

I THINK IT WAS A COMBINATION OF THINGS THAT HAD ME SO STRESSED YESTERDAY.  JUST THE DAY BEFORE, I PAID FOR MIKE'S CREMATION AND HIS URN, WHICH WAS EXTREMELY HARD FOR ME.  ALSO I AM STILL SUFFERING FROM THIS HEAD COLD OR SINUS INFECTION AND WAS DIZZY AND NAUSEATED.  BESIDES ALL THAT, MY BLOOD PRESSURE WAS THROUGH THE ROOF (186/105).  ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS PLEASE GOD DO NOT LET ME DIE FIRST.  I KEPT THINKING (WRONG THING TO DO I KNOW) ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO MIKE IF I DIED BEFORE HIM.  IT WAS NOT PRETTY.  I KNOW HIS LIFE WOULD HAVE TO CHANGE A LOT, AND MOST LIKELY HOSPICE WOULD HAVE TO TAKE A MORE ACTIVE ROLL WHICH MEANS THAT HE WOULD THEN KNOW HIS TRUE HEALTH CONDITION.  IT WAS NOT EASY, BUT I FINALLY PULLED MY SELF TOGETHER, AND GOT MIKE INTO THE BATH TUB FOR A BUBBLE BATH.  HE REALLY ENJOYS THAT LITTLE CONTRAPTION I GOT FOR HIM-I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THAT.  I DID CALL MY SISTER FIRST BECAUSE OF MY B.P. AND THEN I CALLED ART.  ART GAVE ME SOME GOOD INFORMATION WHICH I HEEDED TO THE LETTER, AND WAS ABLE TO FINALLY GET SOME SLEEP LAST NIGHT.  IT IS JUST PAST 11AM, AND MIKE IS STILL RESTING.   WE DID LISTEN TO OUR MEETING LAST NIGHT, AND THAT ALSO HELPED TO CALM ME DOWN.  WE BOTH SAID "AMEN" AT THE END, AND THEN I TURNED OUT THE LIGHTS.  MIKE STILL SAYS FUNNY THINGS AT NIGHT EITHER JUST BEFORE HE IS SOUND ASLEEP OR JUST AFTER HE IS IN A DREAMLIKE STATE.  LAST NIGHT HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I GOT ALL THE MONEY. I ASKED HIM ALL WHAT MONEY? BUT THEN THE GIBBERISH TALK STARTED AND I COULD NOT MAKE OUT HEADS NOR TAILS OF WHAT HE WAS SAYING-SO I JUST SAY "UN HUH".  WELL, IT'S TIME TO GET MIKE UP AND START HIS DAY, SO TILL TOMORROW-MAY YOUR DAY BE FILLED ONLY WITH HAPPINESS.  JUST ME

Thursday, November 24, 2011

SADDEST/SWEETEST THING!!

MIKE WAS SITTING ON THE BACK PORCH, AND I WAS WATCHING HIM FROM THE WINDOW IN THE BACK DOOR.  WHAT I SAW NEARLY BROKE MY HEART, AND YET I HAD TO SMILE.  HE WAS RAKING UP LEAVES FROM HIS CHAIR WITH HIS CANE, AND THEN PICKING THEM UP AND PUTTING THEM IN THE BROWN BAG NEXT TO HIS CHAIR. ONLY THEN DID I FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW HARD ALL THIS HAS BEEN ON MIKE.  HE IS SUCH A TROOPER-ALWAYS HAPPY AND MAKING THE MOST OF WHAT HE CAN STILL DO, ALL THE WHILE, MISSING WHAT HE LOVES DOING MOST.  I HAD A PRETTY ROUGH NIGHT LAST NIGHT-NO SLEEP.  ON TOP OF HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING, AND COUGHING, MY BACK WAS KILLING ME.  YESTERDAY MY SISTER VICKIE AND I TOOK MIKE FOR A LONG RIDE AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD, BUT THE HOSPICE WHEEL CHAIR IS DEFECTIVE.  IT PULLS TO THE RIGHT, MAKING IT VERY HARD TO MANEUVER.  BOTH MY SISTER VICKIE AND I HAVE SORE BACKS TODAY.  I WILL HAVE TO USE THE ONE DAWN (OUR NIECE) RENTED FOR US UNTIL I CAN GET HOSPICE TO REPLACE THEIRS.  TODAY IS A HOLIDAY, SO MOST OF YOU WILL BE EATING TURKEY.  MIKE AND I HAD OURS YESTERDAY, AS OUR NEIGHBOR MARTHA BROUGHT OVER HER LEFT OVERS, AND WE ATE EM ALL GONE!!  I HOPE YOUR DAY WILL BE HAPPY, PEACEFUL, BUT MOST OF ALL SPENT TOGETHER.  MIKE AND I WILL ENJOY TODAY AS WE DO EVERYDAY-VERY THANKFUL TO STILL BE HERE-JUST ME

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

" DID HERE GO THERE AND COME BACK " ?

I OF COURSE KNEW EXACTLY WHAT MIKE MEANT WHEN HE SAID THE ABOVE.  HE WANTED TO KNOW IF FONDA (OUR DAUGHTER) LEFT FOR CALIFORNIA AND IF SO HAD SHE COME BACK YET. MIKE SPEAKS A LOT WITH HIS HANDS NOW, AND SOMETIMES NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, I JUST CAN'T GET WHAT HE IS TRYING TO SAY.  MOST TIMES-THANKFULLY-I CAN.  ANY HOW TODAY SO FAR WAS A VERY HARD MORNING FOR ME.  I HAD BALDWIN BROTHERS COME BY THIS MORNING EARLY (WHILE MIKE WAS STILL SLEEPING), AND SIGNED ALL THE PAPER WORK FOR THE CREMATION.  I HAVE A DEAR FRIEND WHO WORKS FOR THE MANUFACTURERS OF URNS, AND SHE IS GIVING ME HER PRICE FOR THE ONE I PICKED OUT, SO I WILL HAVE IT MAILED TO MY SISTER VICKIE'S HOUSE UNTIL LATER ON.  I WAS HOPING THAT ONCE THAT WAS DONE I WOULD WORRY LESS, BUT SO FAR IT HAS NOT WORKED OUT THAT WAY.   MIKE IS UP NOW, AND I HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN HIS BREAKFAST.  HE IS IN A GOOD MOOD, AND IS READING (SORT OF) THE NEWS PAPER.   FONDA IS HAVING HER THIRD OR FORTH EYE SURGERY TODAY-WE ARE SURE HOPING IT WILL BE HER LAST!!!  MIKE KEEPS ASKING WHEN SHE WILL BE BACK, SO I KNOW HE IS MISSING HER ALREADY.  MIKE TOOK OFF HIS PAIN PATCH AGAIN LAST NIGHT, I JUST FOUND IT ON HIS NIGHT TABLE.  I HAD TO TAPE IT BACK ON, AS HE IS NOT DUE FOR A NEW ONE UNTIL TOMORROW.  WE ARE ALSO SUPPOSE TO GET SOME NEW PAIN GEL FED X'ED TO US THIS AM, TO SEE IF THAT DOES ANY BETTER THAN THE LIDOCANE PATCHES THEY HAD HIM ON BEFORE.  I AM ALL FOR ANYTHING THAT WILL REDUCE HIS PAIN!!  WELL, I GUESS THAT IS ALL FOR TODAY-I HOPE IT RAINS TODAY, AS MY TOMATO, TANGERINE, AND AVOCADO PLANTS ALL COULD USE A GOOD DOWN POUR.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I'M UP AND READY FOR HOSPICE DR.'S VISIT.

YESTERDAY WAS A LITTLE ROUGH, BUT THE HOSPICE CASE WORKER CALLED ME BACK, AND AGREED TO OUR ORIGINAL TERMS-NO MENTION OF HOSPICE AND DEFINITELY NO MENTION OF THE "C" WORD!!  SHE WAS ACTUALLY NICE, AND WE SAT OUT SIDE ON THE BACK PORCH, AND  I ANSWERED ALL OF HER QUESTIONS.  IT'S ALMOST 8:30AM NOW, AND THE DOCTOR SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.  I WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW THAT GOES. THE DOCTOR CAME AND LEFT, AND I MUST SAY HE WAS VERY VERY NICE.  HE HAS SUGGESTED A COUPLE OTHER THINGS FOR MIKE TO MAKE HIM MORE COMFORTABLE, AND TOOK ONE PILL AWAY.  HE AGAIN EMPHASIZED THAT IF MIKE SHOULD FALL HE WOULD DIE.  I AM VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THAT, SO I AM FOREVER WATCHING HIS EVERY MOVE.  NOW HIS NURSE FROM HOSPICE IS HERE!!  I ONLY THOUGHT I WAS BUSY BEFORE!!  OUR DAUGHTER FONDA WAS OVER LAST NIGHT AGAIN TO RAKE ALL THE LEAVES IN THE BACK YARD-THREE MORE LARGE BAGS FULL, AND THEN SHE SPRAYED THE BACK AND FRONT YARD WITH THERMADORE (VERY STRONG BUG KILLER).  SHE IS AMAZING!!  SHE LEFT FOR CALIFORNIA FOR SURGERY THIS AM AT 5 O'CLOCK.  LIKE I SAID-SO MUCH GOING ON CONSTANTLY.  MIKE IS STILL SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ACTION-I'M READY FOR A NAP MYSELF, BUT SOMEHOW I JUST KNOW THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

Monday, November 21, 2011

BACK TO SQUARE ONE WITH HOSPICE!!

WE ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE A VISIT FROM MIKE'S REGULAR NURSE WHO WE THOUGHT WAS TERESA.  TURNS OUT SHE ONLY DID HIS REGISTRATION WITH RECOMMENDATIONS.  I KNEW A CASE WORKER WAS COMING OVER TODAY AT 2PM, BUT HAD NO IDEA THAT HIS REGULAR NURSE (SORRY-I DID NOT GET HER NAME), WOULD BE COMING OVER TOO.  I WENT OVER THE RULES OF ALLOWING HOSPICE TO TAKE CARE OF MIKE.  NO MENTION OF HIS BONE CANCER, AND NO MENTION OF HOSPICE.  THAT'S WHEN THE PROBLEM BEGAN.  SHE INSISTED THAT THEY ALL MUST IDENTIFY THEMSELVES TO THE PATIENT AS HOSPICE WORKERS, AND WEAR THERE NAME TAGS.  I EXPLAINED THAT THE ONLY REASON I HAD AGREED TO HAVING HOSPICE COME AND HELP WAS BECAUSE THEY AGREED NOT TO DO THOSE THINGS AROUND MIKE.  AFTER A LONG CONVERSATION, I TOLD HER THAT IF THAT IS THE CASE, I WOULD JUST KEEP ON TAKING CARE OF MIKE BY MYSELF 24/7 AS I HAVE BEEN DOING.  THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO LET ON TO HIM THAT HE IS DYING PERIOD.  EVEN IN GREAT PAIN, HE IS HAPPY AND JOKING WITH ME-I WILL NOT ALLOW ANY ONE TO TAKE THAT AWAY FROM HIM.  HOSPICE SAID THEY WILL HAVE TO CALL ME BACK, WHICH AT THIS POINT I DON'T REALLY CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.  MIKE DID SLEEP WELL LAST NIGHT, AND IS STILL IN BED.  HE WATCHED SOME FOOTBALL, BUT WAS NOT INTO IT AS IN TIMES PAST.  IF HE DOES NOT SEE ME FOR A MINUTE HE YELLS FOR ME.  "WHERE ARE YOU MOM"?  I THINK HE JUST DOES NOT WANT TO BE ALONE, AND I AM WITH HIM 99% OF THE TIME.  I WILL GO PUT SOME NEW PATCHES ON HIM TODAY WHEN HE GETS UP, AND HOPEFULLY THEY WILL HELP WITH HIS PAIN.  IF NOT I MAY NEED TO SEE HIS PCP AND SEE ABOUT GETTING HIM SOMETHING A LITTLE STRONGER.  WELL, HOPE YOU WEEK END WAS GREAT FUN-MIKE IS GETTING  UP SO I NEED TO GO SEE WHAT HE NEEDS FOR ME TO HELP HIM.  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

Friday, November 18, 2011

FIRST DAY WITH HOSPICE NURSE

I LEARNED A COUPLE THINGS YESTERDAY.  FIRST, YOU HAVE TO REMIND HOSPICE NOT TO MENTION "BONE" AS IN CANCER, AND SECONDLY, I NEED TO HAVE THEM USE ONLY MY CELL PHONE TO CONTACT ME.  I HAD ORIGINALLY SAID TO USE MY HOME PHONE NUMBER, BUT WHEN THEY CALLED YESTERDAY-HOSPICE SHOWED UP ON OUR T.V.. IT'S SOMETHING I GUESS BRIGHT HOUSE DOES SO YOU CAN SCREEN YOUR CALLS IF YOU WANT TO, BUT FOR ME IT WAS A HUGE RED LIGHT!!  SO MANY THINGS YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY HAPPEN.  ANY HOW, MIKE DID LIKE TERESA (THE HOSPICE NURSE), AND I DON'T THINK SHE SET OFF ANY ALARMS.  SHE PUT MIKE ON MORPHINE EVERY 4 HOURS AS NEEDED FOR PAIN, WHICH I DO THINK HELPED HIM SLEEP A LITTLE BETTER LAST NIGHT.  I ONLY GAVE HIM ONE OTHER HALF DOSE AROUND 3PM, AS HE WAS SAYING HIS LEG WAS REALLY HURTING HIM.  HE CONTINUES TO BE IN A GOOD AND HAPPY MOOD, TELLS ME CONSTANTLY WHAT A GOOD MOMMA/WIFE I AM (WHICH IS SO NICE TO HEAR).  IT MADE ME FEEL SAD FOR MY SISTER VICKIE WHO DID SO MUCH OF THE SAME FOR HER HUSBAND, BUT SINCE HE COULD NO LONGER SPEAK-SHE NEVER GOT TO HEAR ALL THOSE THANK YOU'S AND OTHER ACCOLADES.  MIKE STILL DOES VERY LITTLE COMPLAINING WHICH I GREATLY ADMIRE HIM FOR, AS I KNOW HE IS CONSTANTLY IN A LOT OF PAIN.  LAST NIGHT HE WANTED TO LISTEN IN TO MY MEETING WITH ME, SO WE BOTH WENT TO BED, AND HE WAS AWAKE FOR THE WHOLE THING-SURPRISINGLY.  I OFFERED TO HEAR MY MEETING IN THE LIVING ROOM SO HE COULD SLEEP, BUT HE SAID NO TWICE-HE WANTED TO LISTEN IN WITH ME.  WHEN EVER SOMEONE COMMENTED THAT HE KNOWS, HE WOULD SAY "I KNOW HER" OR "I KNOW HIM".  SO I KNOW HE WAS PAYING ATTENTION.  ANY HOW, IT IS JUST PAST 7:30AM, AND HE IS STILL RESTING.  I JUST PUT THE NEW PAIN PATCH ON HIM, SO THAT SHOULD HELP WITH HIS PAIN LEVEL AS WELL.  I GOT UP AROUND 3AM, AS MIKE WAS BURPING A LOT AGAIN, AND SO I GOT HIM THE NEW MEDICINE THE NURSE JUST ORDERED FOR HIM.  I STILL HAD MORE SLEEP LAST NIGHT, SO I AM FEELING MUCH BETTER TODAY MY SELF.  THIS AM THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO BRING HIM HIS FREE WHEEL CHAIR, AND TRY AND GET CREDIT BACK FOR DAWN (MY NIECE) WHO WAS SO KIND, AND RENTED ONE FOR MIKE BECAUSE OUR INSURANCE COMPANY WAS DRAGGING THEIR FEET.  I'M NOT SURE WHO ALL ELSE WILL BE COMING TODAY FROM HOSPICE, BUT I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE SOMEONE CALLING LATER, AND COMING OVER.  ALL I PRAY EVERY DAY (AND NIGHT)  IS THAT MIKE DOES NOT SUFFER.  HE IS A SWEET, KIND MAN, WHO ONLY REMEMBERS NOW THAT WE HAVE GREAT KIDS, WHO NEVER GAVE US ANY TROUBLE, AND THAT WE HAVE ALWAYS GOTTEN ALONG SO WELL (L.O.L.).  AGAIN, THERE ARE SOME REALLY NICE ASPECTS OF ALZHEIMER'S!!  TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

Thursday, November 17, 2011

"YOU KNOW I'M OLDER THAN 180 YEARS OLD, DON'T YOU"?

IT STARTED WITH A COMMERCIAL OF A WOMAN WHO WAS STILL WORKING AT AGE 84.  MIKE FIRST SAID "I'M OLDER THAN HER".  TO WHICH I SAID "YOU ARE"?  THEN MIKE SAID "YES, AND  I WILL BE CLOSE TO 90 PRETTY SOON".  I SAID NOTHING, I KNEW IT WAS ALREADY DARK OUTSIDE, AND SUNDOWNERS HAD SET IN.  HIS NEXT WORDS REALLY BAFFELED ME THOUGH-THAT'S WHEN HE SAID HE WAS OLDER THAN 180 YEARS OLD.   WHEN I SAID "YOU ARE"? HE SAID "YOU KNOW I AM".  AT THAT POINT,  I JUST LET IT GO.  HE WILL FORGET ALL ABOUT IT IN THE MORNING-I HOPE!!MIKE HAD ANOTHER ROUGH NIGHT-WHICH MEANS I DID TOO.  VERY LITTLE SLEEP FOR ME, BUT HE SAID HE SLEPT FINE.  IT MUST BE NICE IN SOME WAYS TO HAVE ALZHEIMER'S.  YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF THE BAD STUFF OR ANY OF THE ACHES & PAINS, TOO BAD IT ALSO TAKES AWAY THE GOOD STUFF TOO.  THIS MORNING THE HOSPICE NURSE WILL BE HERE AT 9AM.  IT IS A LITTLE PAST 7AM NOW.  MIKE DID NOT WANT TO EAT ANY DINNER LAST NIGHT, WHICH DID NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.  HE WANTED TO GO TO BED STARTING AT 6PM, BUT I GOT HIM TO HOLD OFF UNTIL 7PM.  I WAS SHOOTING FOR 8PM, AFTER WHEEL OF FORTUNE, BUT HE SAID HE COULD NOT WAIT-HE NEEDED TO GO TO BED RIGHT THEN.  RIGHT AT 7:30PM, HE YELLS OUT "MOM"! THINKING SOMETHING WAS WRONG I RUSHED TO SEE WHAT HE NEEDED-ONLY TO HEAR HIM SAY "AREN'T YOU GOING TO COME TO BED TOO"?  I SAID YES, AND I DID.  HE DOES NOT LIKE TO BE IN BED ALONE, AND IF I TRY AND LAY DOWN FOR A FEW MINUTES DURING THE DAY OR AFTER MY SHOWER-HE IS RIGHT THERE READY TO GET IN BED TOO. WHAT I DO KNOW (WEATHER HE REMEMBERS IT OR NOT) IS THAT HE IS IN A LOT OF PAIN DURING THE NIGHT.  HE KEEPS ROLLING OVER FROM ONE SIDE TO THE OTHER, AND MOANING.  THERE MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE THEY CAN GIVE HIM-JUST AT NIGHT THAT WILL HELP WITH HIS PAIN, AND HIS SLEEP.  I WILL CERTAINLY BE ASKING THE HOSPICE NURSE ABOUT THAT THIS MORNING WHEN SHE GETS HERE.  WELL, MY DOGIES ARE HUNGRY, AND I NEED MY CAFE' CON LECHE' (CUBAN COFFEE), SO TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

MIKE'S 1AM ESCAPE !!

I WOKE UP TO THE BATH ROOM LIGHT BEING TURNED ON AND THEN OFF AGAIN.  I FELT AROUND FOR MIKE IN THE BED, BUT HE WAS NOT THERE.  I SAT UP IN BED TO FIND HIM FULLY DRESSED-SHOES AND ALL, READY TO DO WHAT I DO NOT KNOW!!  I ASKED HIM DID HE KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS, TO WHICH HE REPLIED "NO".  I TOLD HIM IT WAS 1AM, AND THAT HE NEEDED TO GET BACK IN BED TILL THE MORNING.  HE WAS NOT OVERJOYED, BUT HE DID IT.  BEFORE I FELL ASLEEP LAST NIGHT, MIKE WAS ONCE AGAIN SAYING A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT MADE NO SENSE AT ALL.  HE SAID "WE'LL TRY IT, AND IF IT DOES NOT WORK, WE'LL JUST THROW IT AWAY".  I SAID "WE'LL THROW WHAT AWAY"? MIKE THEN SAID "DIRE KNIFE".  I REPEATED IT JUST TO MAKE SURE I HEARD IT RIGHT, AND HE SAID IT AGAIN.  THEN HE SAID "IT WILL NOT BE EASY TO GET RID OF THEM".  I'M LIKE "GET RID OF WHAT"? AGAIN HE TALKS ABOUT KNIVES.  HE SAID "THE KNIVES, THEY WON'T GO DOWN EASY".  I COULD HAVE KEPT THIS CONVERSATION GOING, BUT I NEEDED SOME SLEEP, SO I TURNED OVER, CLOSED MY EYES, SAID MY PRAYERS, AND WENT TO SLEEP.  HE MUST HAVE JUST BEEN TALKING IN HIS SLEEP, OR DREAMING-WHO KNOWS?  ANY HOW, IT IS NOW 8:30AM, AND I HAVE BEEN UP FOR OVER AN HOUR TRYING TO CATCH UP ON MY BIBLE READING AND BOOK STUDY.  MASSEY IS COMING OVER AGAIN TODAY TO SPRAY, AND OUR DAUGHTER FONDA WAS OVER AFTER WORK YESTERDAY AND SPENT TWO HOURS RAKING LEAVES IN OUR BACK YARD. SHE IS AMAZING!!!  I AM STILL NOT FEELING 100%, BUT AM DOING A LITTLE BETTER THIS AM.  I JUST GET WORN OUT SO EASILY THESE DAYS.  I NEED A DAY OR TWO OF BED REST, BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!   WELL, I WILL NEED TO CALL HOSPICE THIS AM, AND SET UP THE FIRST NURSES VISIT.  I AM HOPING AND PRAYING THAT IT WILL GO WELL, AND THAT MIKE WILL NOT GET SUSPICIOUS ABOUT HIS CONDITION.  TILL TOMORROW-SPEAK KINDLY TO ALL-JUST ME

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

BACK TO NORMAL ??

NO SLEEP!!  MIKE WAS IN A LOT OF PAIN LAST NIGHT-HE HAD SOME HOW MANAGED TO REMOVE HIS PAIN PATCH, AND THAT WAS NOT GOOD.  I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG IT HAD BEEN OFF-I JUST NOTICED IT YESTERDAY.  AT ABOUT 2AM I GOT OUT OF BED TO PUT A NEW PAIN PATCH ON HIM, AS I JUST COULD NOT LISTEN TO HIM MOAN AND GROWN ANY MORE.  THANKFULLY, HE WAS DUE TODAY FOR A NEW ONE ANY HOW.  HE WAS UP VERY EARLY THIS AM.  I TRIED TO STAY IN BED A LITTLE LONGER, BUT WITH TWO HUNGRY DOGS NIPPING AT MY HEELS (I DID NOT GET HOME IN TIME TO FEED THEM DINNER YESTERDAY), I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO GET OUT OF BED AND FEED THEM.  I AM NOT FEELING ALL THAT GREAT TODAY MYSELF-I HAVE A LOW FEVER, AND AM JUST PRETTY TIRED.  MIKE AND I HAD THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME WITH MIKE JR. & HIS FAMILY THIS WEEK-IT IS SO HARD TO SAY GOOD BYE TO THEM.  LAURA & MIKE ARE SUCH GREAT PARENTS-THOSE GIRLS ARE THE SWEETEST, CUTEST, MOST LOVABLE, MOST ACTIVE PAIR YOU CAN IMAGINE-AND SO WELL MANNERED!!!  THEY JUST LEFT THIS MORNING, AND WE MISS THEM ALREADY!!!  WELL, I NEED SOME COFFEE TO FULLY WAKE UP, AND SEE WHAT MUST BE DONE TODAY.  BTW, I SIGNED MIKE UP WITH HOSPICE YESTERDAY-THAT WAS HARD-BUT I WAS WELL SUPPORTED BY ALL THREE OF OUR CHILDREN.  THEY WILL BE CALLING ME TODAY TO FINISH THE PROCESS. I HOPE I CAN HANDLE IT BY MYSELF!!  TILL TOMORROW-I WILL TRY AND REMEMBER-ONE DAY AT A TIME!!  JUST ME

Monday, November 14, 2011

A WONDERFUL FEW DAYS !!

AS I MENTIONED ON LAST TUES. OR WEDS., OUR SON, HIS WIFE AND THEIR TWO ADORABLE GIRLS ARE IN TOWN VISITING, AND TAKING A NEW FAMILY PHOTO.  THE PHOTOGRAPHERS CAME TO FONDA'S  HOUSE, AND DID A MAGNIFICENT JOB!!  WE WERE ABLE TO GET GRANDPA (MIKE) WITH ALL THE GRAND KIDS IN ONE PHOTO, AND OUR BASE FAMILY IN ANOTHER, OUR THREE CHILDREN IN ANOTHER, AND EVEN ONE OF MIKE BY HIMSELF.  THEN WHILE OTHERS WATCHED MIKE FOR ME, FELINA, CANYON, AND I WERE ABLE TO TAKE THE GIRLS TO MONKEY JOE'S FOR A COUPLE OF NON STOP ACTION!!!  NOT SO MUCH ON OUR PART-ALTHOUGH CANYON DID HIS FAIR SHARE OF RUNNING AFTER THEM, BUT ON THEIRS !!!! THE ONE THEY CALL "GO GO GODZILLA" IS ONLY 2, AND SHE IS LIKE A TORNADO!!  SHE IS ALSO AS STRONG AS ANY 5 YEAR OLD, AND IT WAS JUST A LOT OF FUN WATCHING HER KEEP UP WITH THE BIGGER KIDS!!  ON A NOT SO GREAT NOTE, MIKE HAD A LOT OF PAIN LAST NIGHT-EVEN THOUGH HE DID NOT COMPLAIN TO ME, HE WAS MOANING AND GROANING WITH EVER TURN.  HE WAS UP AROUND 5, AND APPARENTLY COLD, AS HE HAD A COAT ON, WINTER GLOVES, AND A BLANKET WRAPPED AROUND HIM IN HIS RECLINER!!  HE WAS RUNNING A FEVER LAST NIGHT, AND STILL HAS A BIT OF ONE THIS AM.  MY CHILDREN HAVE ARRANGED FOR HOSPICE TO MEET WITH US AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE (ACROSS THE STREET) THIS AM TO SEE HOW THEY MAY BE ABLE TO ASSIST ME WITH OUT ALARMING MIKE AS TO HIS TERMINAL BONE CANCER.  I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE TO DO.  ANY HOW, OUR SWEET NEIGHBOR MARTHA WILL BE WATCHING MIKE WHILE I GO TO MY SISTER'S THIS AM.  WHAT EVER WOULD WE DO WITHOUT DEAR NEIGHBORS, GOOD FRIENDS-AND GREAT FAMILY SUPPORT???  TILL TOMORROW-CHERISH THE DAY-JUST ME

Friday, November 11, 2011

GREAT NEWS !!

OUR SON AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY ARE HERE!!  MIKE AND I WILL BE STAYING OVER AT OUR DAUGHTERS MOST DAYS AS WE ONLY GET TO SEE THEM ONCE OR TWICE A YEAR!!  OUR WONDERFUL NIECE DAWN GOT US A LOANER WHEELCHAIR SINCE OUR INCOMPETENT INS. CO. (CITRUS CARE) HAS NOT.  IT WAS ORDERED OVER THREE WEEKS AGO, AND MIKE CAN HARDLY STAND MUCH LESS WALK. SHAME ON THEM!!  WELL, I WILL BE AWOL FOR A FEW DAYS, BUT WILL DO MY BEST TO CATCH UP AFTER THEY LEAVE.  ONE FUNNY THING MIKE SAID BEFORE I GO.  HE SAID (WHILE WE WERE IN BED-MAYBE SLEEPING), "I WAS THINKING ABOUT FELINA-SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE PRESIDENT ABOUT A YEAR AGO".  I COULD HARDLY KEEP FROM  L.O.L. BUT I SAID "AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED"?  AND MIKE SAID "I'M NOT SURE, WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE".  HE HAS NO IDEA HOW MANY FUNNY THINGS LIKE THAT HE SAYS LATELY-I'M SO GLAD OF THAT, AS IT KEEPS MY MIND OF THE OTHER BIG ISSUE.  WELL, THAT'S IT TILL LATER-MAKE IT A GOOD DAY!!  JUST ME

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

MIKE WAS WASTED ALL DAY YESTERDAY!

MIKE AND I  WERE SUPPOSE TO GO TO OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S FUNERAL YESTERDAY, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT THAT WAY.  WHEN IT WAS TIME TO GO, MIKE WOULD NOT, OR COULD NOT MOVE.  I TRIED AND TRIED TO WAKE HIM-AS DID MY SISTER AND OUR DAUGHTER FONDA WHO WAS ALSO THERE, BUT HE DID NOT BUDGE. HE HAD ALREADY BEEN SLEEPING ON MY SISTER'S SOFA FOR ABOUT TWO HOURS, SO NONE OF US COULD UNDERSTAND WHY HE WAS SO TIRED.  SADLY I HAD TO MISS THE FUNERAL, AS I COULD NOT LEAVE MIKE ALONE.  AT AROUND 3:30PM WHEN MY SISTER GOT BACK HOME FROM THE FUNERAL, AND PICKING UP OUR DOGS AT THE GROOMER FOR US SHE AND I WERE FINALLY ABLE TO GET MIKE UP.  HIS LEGS WERE SO SHAKY THAT WE BOTH  HAD TO HOLD HIM UP-ONE ON EACH SIDE OF HIM. ONCE WE GOT BACK HOME IT WAS RIGHT BACK TO BED.  HE SLEPT UNTIL AROUND 6PM AND I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO WAKE HIM UP AND GET HIM TO EAT SOME DINNER.   HE THEN WAS TOTALLY CONFUSED AND THOUGHT IT WAS MORNING.  WHEN I TOLD HIM IT WAS PM NOT AM, HE SAID "GET OUT OF HERE"!! HE DID NOT BELIEVE IT WAS IN THE PM TILL HE SAW THE NIGHT TIME NEWS.  AFTER I TOOK MY SHOWER I WAS DONE-I FELT LIKE A WET NOODLE.  I TOLD MIKE I WAS GOING TO GO TO BED,  HE SAID OK, AND THEN PROCEEDED TO COME TO BED ALSO.  HE IS STILL SLEEPING THIS AM, BUT IT IS ONLY 9:30AM, SO I AM NOT CONCERNED AS YET.  I SURE AM HOPING FOR A BETTER DAY TODAY.  I DID GET ONE BIT OF GOOD NEWS, OUR NEIGHBOR SAID MIKE COULD HAVE HIS MOTHER'S LIFT CHAIR (THEY ARE VERY COSTLY), HE SAID HE AND HIS BROTHER WILL BRING IT OVER ONE DAY NEXT WEEK.  I AM TRULY APPRECIATIVE!!  THERE IS ALWAYS A SILVER LINING IF YOU LOOK HARD ENOUGH!!  JUST ME

Monday, November 7, 2011

HE'S UP- AND IT'S NOT EVEN 10:AM !!!

MIKE SEEMS ALMOST LIKE HIS OLD SELF TODAY-YIPPEE!!  I ATTRIBUTE THAT TO THE FACT THAT HE KNOWS HIS SON, DAUGHTER LAURA, AND THE TWO SWEETEST GRANDDAUGHTERS EVER, WILL BE HERE SOON.  EVERY DAY HE ASKS ME WHEN THEY WILL GET HERE, OR WILL THEY BE HERE TODAY.  HE EVEN WENT TO SLEEP LAST NIGHT TALKING ABOUT THEM, SO I KNOW HE IS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THEIR VISIT AS ARE WE ALL!!  IF ANY ONE HAS ANY IDEAS HOW WE CAN GET A STRIKE GOING WITH S.W. AIRWAYS, PLEASE LET US KNOW.  WE ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WAYS TO KEEP THEM HERE A LITTLE LONGER!!  MIKE SLEPT WELL, AND THE MYSTERIOUS BLOOD SEEMS TO HAVE LEFT AS MYSTERIOUSLY AS IT APPEARED-THANKFULLY.  WE SURE DO NOT NEED ANOTHER TRIP TO THE E.R.!!  MIKE IS STILL EATING PRETTY GOOD WHEN HE IS UP, BUT HAS MISSED A COUPLE MEALS OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS BECAUSE OF SLEEPING SO LATE.  HIS WEIGHT IS NOW 166. NOT GOOD FOR A MAN SIX FOOT TALL.  I THINK I MAY HAVE GOTTEN A LIFT CHAIR FOR MIKE FROM OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR.  I SPOKE WITH HER SON YESTERDAY, WHEN HE RETURNED MY POT (I MADE SPAGHETTI FOR ALL OF THEM).  HIS MOM (WHO JUST PASSED AWAY ON THURS.), HAD A LIFT CHAIR, AND HE SAID WE COULD HAVE IT FOR MIKE IF WE WANTED IT, AND I OF COURSE SAID YES!!  HOPEFULLY WE WILL GET IT TODAY.  WELL, MIKE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE I AM AND WHAT I AM DOING, SO I NEED TO GO SIT WITH HIM.  THERE ARE MANY GOOD THINGS AHEAD-IF WE JUST KEEP POSITIVE-JUST ME

Friday, November 4, 2011

DID YOU KNOW THAT TICKS COME FROM ANTS

MIKE HAD THIS AMAZING REVELATION WHILE WE WERE IN THE DRIVE WAY AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE YESTERDAY.  HE SAW TWO OR THREE ANT HILLS, AND THEN HE SAID THE ABOVE.  IT DOES NO GOOD WHAT SO EVER TO TRY AND CHANGE HIS MIND-TICKS APPARENTLY COME FROM ANTS-PERIOD!!  AT LEAST NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE SO DARN STINKING MANY OF THEM!!!    AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED, MIKE IS STILL IN BED.  I TRIED TO LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDER TO SEE IF THERE WAS ANY MORE MYSTERIOUS BLOOD STAINS, BUT I WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL HE WAKES UP AND GETS OUT OF BED.  TODAY WE DON'T HAVE ANY DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENTS, SO IT SHOULD BE A PRETTY SLOW DAY.  MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR OF 15 YEARS HAS ALSO BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH TERMINAL CANCER, BUT THEY ONLY HAVE GIVEN HER 3 OR 4 DAYS TO LIVE.  SOOOOOO SAD.  NOTHING BUT SADNESS IN THIS OLE SYSTEM-I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR THE NEW ONE TO GET HERE.  I'M SURE MANY OTHERS FEEL THE SAME WAY. I WILL BE TAKING HER FAMILY FOOD FOR DINNER TONIGHT (SPAGHETTI & MEAT BALLS), I JUST WISH I COULD DO MORE.  I DID STUDY WITH HER FOR A SHORT WHILE, AND ODDLY ENOUGH WE DISCUSSED FROM THE BIBLE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE, WHERE ARE THE DEAD, AND WHAT HOPE FOR OUR DEAD LOVED ONES.  SHE CHOSE THOSE SUBJECTS-MAYBE SHE ALREADY HAD AN INKLING OF HER CONDITION.  WELL, ONCE AGAIN, I HAVE MUCH TO DO, AND I TRY AND GET ALL I CAN DONE WHILE MIKE IS SLEEPING, SO I CAN SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH HIM.  SO TILL MONDAY-HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK END AND DON'T FORGET TO TURN YOUR CLOCKS BACK, FOR ONE EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP/FUN !!!  JUST ME

Thursday, November 3, 2011

STRANGE BLOOD!!

FOR TWO DAYS IN A ROW, THERE HAS BEEN QUITE A LOT OF BLOOD ON MIKE'S PILLOW, CLOTHES, & SHEET.  I CAN NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT WHERE IT IS COMING FROM, AND MIKE SAYS HE HAS NO IDEA EITHER.  THAT REMAINS A MYSTERY.  MIKE & I BOTH WENT TO BED QUITE EARLY AGAIN LAST NIGHT-AROUND 8:30PM.  I HAVE BEEN STAYING TIRED LATELY-MAYBE DUE TO THE ADDED ROUTINE, OR JUST MY TIRED OLD BLOOD.  ANY HOW, MIKE IS STILL IN BED.  HE HAD ANOTHER LEAK, SO I GAVE HIM A NEW STOMA BAG, BUT HE WANTED TO STAY IN BED FOR A LITTLE LONGER.  NOT UNUSUAL AFTER GETTING HIS BAG CHANGED.  I WAS UNDER THE MISTAKEN IMPRESSION THAT I WAS GOING TO GET SOME ANSWERS FROM MIKE'S DOCTOR YESTERDAY, BUT INSTEAD, THEY GAVE ME A BUNCH OF TEST!!  ALSO THE DOCTOR WAS IN A CRANKY PANTS MOOD BECAUSE HE WAS HAVING TROUBLE WITH HIS ALLERGIES, AND WAS TIRED & SLEEPY (HIS WORDS).  SO NEEDLESS TO SAY, I DON'T HAVE THE UPDATE ON MIKE THAT I HAD HOPED FOR. THE DOCTOR DID SAY THAT MIKE HAS A FOLLOW UP APPOINTMENT ON THE 8TH, AND HE CAN DISCUSS HIS CASE WITH ME THEN.  I TOLD HIM THAT MIKE STILL DOES NOT HAVE HIS WHEEL CHAIR, SO IF HE HAS IT BY THE 8TH WE WILL BE THERE OTHER WISE I WILL HAVE TO CANCEL!!  MIKE CONTINUES TO BURP CONSTANTLY SINCE HE HAD THAT COLONOSCOPY.  I AM TRYING EVERYTHING I KNOW OF TO STOP IT, SO THAT HE DOES NOT WIND UP BACK IN THE HOSPITAL.  OUR SON AND HIS FAMILY WILL BE HERE IN JUST ONE WEEK, SO I AM HOPING AND PRAYING THAT I CAN GET THINGS UNDER CONTROL AT HOME.  WELL, I HAVE SO MANY PHONE CALLS TO MAKE, AND I AM SO FAR BEHIND IN MY STUDIES, I REALLY NEED TO SAY SO LONG FOR NOW.  HOPE YOUR DAY IS STRESS FREE-JUST ME

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

LONG DAY YESTERDAY

MIKE IS STILL RESTING IN BED DISPITE THE TWO PHONES CALLS WE HAVE ALREADY HAD THIS AM AND BOTH OUR DOGIES DOING THEIR VERY BEST TO WAKE HIM UP.  THEY STILL MISS THEIR WALKS IN THE AM, BUT NOT ONLY CAN MIKE NO LONGER DO THEM, BUT BECAUSE OF THE TICK SITUATION, MASSEY SAID THEY SHOULD BE CONFINED TO THEIR OWN YARD FOR THE TIME BEING.  I THINK MIKE MAY THINK THAT MORE IS GOING ON THEN MEETS THE EYE.  YESTERDAY HE HAD SOME BLOOD IN HIS OSTOMY BAG, AND WAS VERY CONCERNED ABOUT THAT. I TRIED TO MAKE LIGHT OF IT BY SAYING IT COULD BE FROM HIS LAST HOSPITAL STAY-TO WHICH HE REPLIED "WHEN WAS I IN THE HOSPITAL"?  I ALSO TOLD HIM I WOULD ASK THE DOCTOR ABOUT IT AT MY APPOINTMENT TODAY.  I TRY HARD TO KEEP HIM CALM, AND I THINK FOR THE MOST PART HE IS.  HE IS GOING TO BED EARLIER AND EARLIER, AND GETTING UP LATER AND LATER, BUT HE SAYS HE IS OK JUST TIRED.   HE IS ALSO VERY EMOTIONAL LATELY.  IT IS LIKE HE IS ON THE VERG OF CRYING WHEN EVER HE SAYS HE LOVES US, OR WHAT GREAT KIDS WE HAVE.  HE SAYS "WE MUST HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT-THEY SURE TURNED OUT GOOD". MY SISTER VICKIE HAS BEEN A HUGE HELPER IN ALL THIS.  NOT TOO LONG AGO THE ROLES WERE REVERSED, AND MIKE AND I WERE HELPING HER WITH HER TERMINALLY ILL HUSBAND NOW, I AM SURE THANKFUL TO HAVE HER SO CLOSE BY.  I FEEL GUILTY BECAUSE I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME FOR PERSONAL PHONE CALLS NOW.  MOST PEOPLE WHO CALL WANT TO KNOW HOW MIKE IS DOING, AND WITH HIM SITTING RIGHT BY ME, THERE IS NO WAY I CAN TELL THEM.  ANY HOW, ONE SUCH FRIEND IS ON HER WAY OVER RIGHT NOW (GAIL), SO I NEED TO GET DRESSED.  I HOPE I WILL HAVE MORE NEWS TOMORROW AFTER SPEAKING WITH MIKE'S DOCTOR TODAY.  TILL THEN-NEVER THROW IN THE TOWEL-JUST ME

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

GRIM TASK

YESTERDAY I SPENT A GOOD COUPLE HOURS WHILE MIKE WAS SLEEPING TO RESEARCH ALL THE THINGS INVOLVED WITH THE PASSING OF A LOVE ONE.  HORRIBLE DAY!!  MIKE AND I BOTH HAVE AGREED TO BE CREMATED, BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE THAT NEEDS TO BE DECIDED UPON AND DONE IN ADVANCE.   I DO NOT WANT MYSELF OR ANY OF MY CHILDREN HAVING TO MAKE THESE DIFFICULT DECISIONS AT ONE OF THE WORST TIMES IN OUR LIFE.  I HAD TO STOP AND LEAVE THE REST FOR THE DAYS AHEAD, AS IT WAS NOT PUTTING ME IN A HAPPY PLACE, AND THAT IS WHERE I NEED TO BE AT ALL TIMES AROUND MIKE.  THIS MORNING THERE WAS QUITE A BIT OF BLOOD ON MIKES PILLOW, SHEET, CLOTHES, AND EVEN THE MATTRESS PROTECTOR.  HE DID NOT SEEM TO KNOW WHERE IT CAME FROM, AND I SEARCHED HIS UPPER BODY, AND COULD NOT SEE ANY PLACE THAT THE BLOOD COULD HAVE COME FROM.  HE SAYS HE IS FEELING OK, SO I WILL JUST HAVE TO KEEP A CLOSER EYE ON HIM THEN USUAL.   I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH HIS PCP TODAY-NOT SURE WHAT HE WANTS TO SEE ME FOR.  I'M SURE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MIKE'S CONDITION, BUT EXACTLY WHAT-I DON'T KNOW.  WE ONLY HAVE NINE MORE DAYS TILL OUR WONDERFUL SON, HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE LAURA, AND THE TWO MOST GORGEOUS GRAND BABIES ON THE PLANET COME FOR A VISIT.  I KNOW IT WILL MEAN THE WORLD TO MIKE AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY AS WELL.  I NEED TO GET DRESSED NOW, AS OUR NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR IS IN THE HOSPITAL, AND MIKE WANTS TO GO SEE HER.  I STAY EXHAUSTED ALL THE TIME, BUT SOMEHOW, GOD GIVES ME THE ENERGY I NEED FOR EACH DAY.  TRY AND MAKE YOUR LOVED ONE SMILE TODAY-I KNOW I WILL-JUST ME