EMERGENCY FOR MY SISTER

HER DOG ROCKY NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN THIS AM, AND SHE NEEDS ME TO DRIVE HER TO THE VET.  SHE IS A BASKET CASE, AND I TRULY FEEL SO SORRY FOR HER.  I WILL HAVE TO FINISH MY POST WHEN I GET BACK HOME-SORRY.  JUST ME
HELLO AGAIN, I'M BACK HOME NOW.  IT WAS A PRETTY SAD MORNING AS MY SISTER VICKIE CRIED ALL THE WAY THERE AND BACK.  I SAID ANY AND EVERY THING I COULD THINK OF TO TRY AND MAKE HER FEEL LESS SAD, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OF IT HELPED.  I JUST DROPPED HER OFF AT HOME, AS HER DAUGHTER DAWN AND HER HUSBAND RICH WERE THERE.  THEY HAD ALREADY DUG A HOLE FOR ROCKY, BUT VICKIE DID NOT WANT TO BURY HIM JUST YET.  VERY VERY SAD.  ANY HOW, THE GOOD NEWS, IS I HAVE BEEN FEELING BETTER, AND TRYING TO GET MORE DONE AROUND THE HOUSE.  I PLAN ON CHECKING AIR FARES AS SOON AS I GET OFF MY BLOG..  I AM SO THANKFUL IN ONE SENSE TO HAVE MY DOGS, BUT IN ANOTHER, THEY HOLD ME BACK FROM DOING AND GOING MORE PLACES.  IT IS HARD TO FIND A GOOD PERSON TO WATCH THE DOGS HERE AT HOME.  I DO HAVE A COUPLE OF VOLUNTEERS, AS WELL AS MY GROOMER, BUT MY GROOMER WOULD BE TAKING THEM TO HER HOUSE.  THEY REALLY SEEM TO LIKE HER, SO THAT IS MOST LIKELY WHERE THEY WILL BE WHILE I AM IN C.A..  I THINK OF MIKE EVERY DAY-SO MANY TIMES A DAY.  I DON'T WANT TO STOP, BUT AT THE SAME TIME, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND SO MUCH TIME CRYING EITHER.  THERE HAS TO BE A HAPPY MEDIUM-I HOPE I FIND IT SOON.  IT HAS BEEN OVER A YEAR AND A HALF SINCE MY SISTER VICKIE'S HUSBAND PASSED, AND SHE STILL CAN'T TALK ABOUT HIM WITH OUT CRYING.  I THINK IT WAS JUST SO MANY YEARS TOGETHER, PLUS, THE LAST FEW SHE AND I WERE INSEPARABLE WITH OUR HUSBANDS BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAD ALZHEIMER'S AND CANCER, AND THEY REALLY NEEDED US FOR PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.  NOW WITH MORE FREE TIME ON OUR HANDS IT GIVES US TOO MUCH TIME TO REFLECT.  I PRAY THESE FEELING WILL TURN INTO JOY WHEN WE THINK OF OUR HUSBANDS AT SOME POINT-INSTEAD OF ALWAYS MAKING US CRY.  THIS WEEK END WILL BE VERY BUSY FOR ME AS I HAVE SERVICE SAT. IN THE AM, THEN I WILL BE PICKED UP AROUND 4 P.M. BY MY DAUGHTER FELINA TO GO TO JAKKI & JUDAH-BEN'S HOUSE FOR OUR FAMILY BIBLE STUDY (AND DINNER).  THEN SUNDAY,  I HAVE MY MEETING, THEN A CPR CLASS.  VICKIE IS SUPPOSE TO GO WITH ME, BUT WITH ROCKY JUST BEING PUT DOWN-I'M NOT SURE SHE WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.  ANY HOW THAT IS IT FOR ME TODAY-TILL TOMORROW-TREASURE YOUR GIFT OF LIFE.JUST ME

TOTALLY WASTED DAY!!

YESTERDAY I WAS A TOTAL COACH POTATO!!  I NEVER EVEN GOT OUT OF MY P.J.'S ALL DAY.  I WAS IN ONE OF THOSE  SOMBER MOODS, AND EVEN CALLS OF EACH OF MY THREE CHILDREN, MY SON IN LAW, AND MY SISTER DID NOT HELP.  I JUST WAS GOING TO WALLOW IN SELF PITY YESTERDAY NO MATTER WHAT.  SO I DID.  NO, IT DID NOT MAKE THINGS ANY BETTER, BUT I DO FEEL MORE RESTED THIS AM.  I GUESS WHAT I AM LEARNING IS THIS "THERE IS NO EASY WAY TO DEAL WITH THE LOSS OF SOMEONE YOU HAVE LOVED FOR SO MANY YEARS".  I STAY BUSY, IN FACT TODAY IS MY MORNING WATER AEROBICS CLASS.  I KEEP UP WITH MY BIBLE READING (EXCEPT FOR YESTERDAY), AND MY STUDIES FOR THE MEETINGS.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO TO MAKE THIS HURT ANY LESS-I GUESS I WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT ON TIME TO HEAL MY HEART.  OF COURSE THE RESURRECTION WOULD WORK TOO, AND I WOULD MUCH PREFER THAT, BUT AGAIN-IN TIME (JEHOVAH'S-NOT MINE)..  IT'S EARLY, ONLY AROUND 7AM, BUT THE DAY ALREADY LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER RAINY DAY.  MAYBE THAT IS PLAYING A PART IN MY DEPRESSED MOOD-NOT SURE.  I WAS HOPING FOR A BRIGHT AND SUNNY DAY TODAY, BUT I GUESS THAT TOO WILL HAVE TO WAIT.  OH, WE ARE HAVING OUR FAMILY BIBLE STUDY THIS SAT. BECAUSE ON SUNDAY IS OUR C.P.R. CLASS. MY SISTER VICKIE IS GOING WITH ME, AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT.  JAKKI WANTS TO MAKE SURE THAT ANY ONE WHO WILL BABY SIT FOR MINKA IS CPR TRAINED-NOT A BAD IDEA HUH?? SO MUCH IS GOING ON IN JUNE THIS YEAR.  MARTHA (OUR NEIGHBOR) HAS TO GET A NEW HIP.  I WILL HAVE MY TRIGGER POINT SHOTS IN THE NECK ON THE 11TH , AND MY COLONOSCOPY ON THE 14TH.  I KNOW THERE IS SOME OTHER STUFF GOING ON AS WELL, BUT I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER OFF HAND WHAT THEY ARE.  MY SON AND HIS WIFE LAURA JUST HAD ANOTHER ANNIVERSARY-I'M SO HAPPY THAT THINGS ARE GOING WELL FOR THEM.  ONLY WISH I OR THEY WERE CLOSER.  THOSE LITTLE GIRLS OF THEIRS ARE TOO CUTE FOR WORDS.  I HEAR THAT LILLY CAN OUT RIDE MY SON ON HER LITTLE BIKE ALREADY!!  WOW, TO HAVE THAT KIND OF ENERGY AGAIN!!  WELL, I AM SIPPING MY CAFE' CON LECHE', AND PRAYING FOR A BETTER MOOD TODAY.  I'M ALREADY AHEAD OF WHERE I WAS YESTERDAY, SO I HOPE THAT IS A GOOD SIGN.  WELL, TILL TOMORROW-CHIN UP-IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO SEE THE SKY.  JUST ME

SLEEPY HEAD DAY-MAYBE IT'S THE WEATHER

I FEEL LIKE I COULD SLEEP ALL DAY.  I WOKE UP TIRED.  I DID SLEEP LAST NIGHT, BUT IT FEELS LIKE I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN DAYS.  MY DOGS ARE TRULY THE ONLY REASON I GOT UP AT ALL-THEY JUST WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE.  I GUESS THAT'S A GOOD THING-TODAY-I'M NOT SO SURE.  MY SISTER VICKIE AND MY DAUGHTER FONDA BOTH CALLED THIS AM, BUT I STILL JUST WANT TO CRAWL BACK INTO BED.  I AM HOPING IT IS JUST THE WEATHER, BUT I HAVE NOT BEEN FEELING ALL THAT WELL THE PAST FEW DAYS EITHER.  I THINK I MAY HAVE ANOTHER EPISODE OF DIVERTICULITIS, BUT I CAN'T BE SURE.  I'VE HAD SOME PRETTY SERVER PAIN IN MY LOW TUMMY, AND A LOW GRADE FEVER (99.6-100.2).  ANY HOW I AM SUPPOSE TO SEE A DENTIST THIS AM, BUT THERE IS NOTHING I WOULD RATHER NOT DO RIGHT NOW. YESTERDAY WAS A REALLY SPECIAL DAY.  MY TWO FRIENDS AND I WENT TO THE TEA ROOM AT DISNEY.  PAM TREATED US TO SUCH A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE.  IT WAS GREAT, AND EVERYONE WANTED TO KNOW WHAT WE WERE CELEBRATING (BECAUSE WE EACH HAD PRESENTS FOR THE OTHERS).  WE TOLD THEM WE WERE CELEBRATING 37 YEARS SINCE WE WERE ALL BAPTISED TOGETHER!!  THEY GAVE US EACH ROSES.  THAT WAS REALLY NICE.  THEN WHEN I CAME HOME, I LAID DOWN WITH THE HEATING PAD ON THE SOFA-FELL ASLEEP TILL 11PM.  I LET THE DOGS OUT-TRIPLE LOCKED MYSELF IN, AND WENT TO BED.  I AM UP TEMPORARILY, BUT I THINK I WILL GO BACK TO BED FOR JUST A LITTLE WHILE.  TODAY IS ALSO MY STUDY DAY, BUT I THINK I WILL PUT THAT OFF AS WELL UNTIL TOMORROW.  MY MIND IS NOT WHERE IT NEEDS TO BE TO GET THE MOST OUT OF MY BIBLE READING.  IT'S ALREADY RAINING HERE, I KNOW THE GRASS AND THE TREES ARE HAPPY!!  WELL, I AM RUNNING OUT OF THINGS TO SAY, SO I WILL TAKE THE REST OF MY MORNING PILLS, DRINK THE REST OF MY CAFE' CON LECHE', AND HEAD BACK TO MY BED.  HOPE YOUR 3 DAYS OFF WAS FUN FOR YOU AND YOURS, TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

SURPRISING FIND

YESTERDAY WHILE I WAS STILL SEARCHING FOR MY LOST PASHMINA, I CAME ACROSS A LITTLE WORK BOOK OF MIKE'S IN THE CLOSET.  FOR THE MOST PART IT JUST HAD NAMES AND ADDRESSES OF SOME OF HIS LEADS (HE WAS A SALESMAN-REMEMBER?).  WELL, MIXED AMONG THE BUSINESS CARDS AND LOOSE PAPERS, I FOUND A FEW TREASURES.  FIRST OF ALL, HE HAD PICTURES OF ALL OF US TUCKED AWAY IN THE SIDE POCKET, THEN I FOUND THREE UN MAILED POSTCARDS.  ONE WAS FOR MY SON MIKE JR. THE OTHER HAD JUST THE NAME "THE BAGGETTS" ON IT, AND THE THIRD WAS ADDRESSED TO ME.  IT STARTED OFF WITH "HI BROWN EYES" THAT WAS HIS PET NAME FOR ME-UNTIL LATER IN LIFE WHEN HE CALLED ME "PATCHES" BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAIN PATCHES I CONSTANTLY WORE.  THE CARDS BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES, AS I KNEW HE WAS THINKING OF US.  I JUST WONDER WHY HE NEVER GOT TO MAIL THEM.  ANY HOW, ON A TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOTE, I AM GOING TO THE "TEA ROOM" AT DISNEY TODAY!!  TWO OTHER LADIES THAT I WAS BAPTISED WITH ARE TAKING ME THERE FOR OUR 37TH YEAR OF FAITHFUL SERVICE TO JEHOVAH.  WE HAVE ALL SUFFERED MANY TRIALS SINCE THAT DAY, BUT THANKFULLY THEY HAVE EACH ONE MADE US STRONGER AND MORE DETERMINED NOT TO LET SATAN WIN.  AT MY MEETING YESTERDAY I HEARD SOMETHING THAT I FELT WAS WORTH REPEATING, SO I CALLED MY SISTER AND TOLD HER WHAT IT WAS.  WE HAD JUST BEEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR THE DAY BEFORE.  ANY HOW IT WAS SIMPLY THIS "WHEN SATAN TRIES TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR PAST -REMIND HIM OF HIS FUTURE".  WE ALL HAVE REGRETS THINGS WE WOULD DO DIFFERENTLY IF WE COULD JUST GO BACK IN TIME FOR A SHORT WHILE, BUT EVEN THOUGH WE ALL KNOW THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE, SATAN LIKES US TO DWELL IN THE "WHAT IFS".  WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE DONE THAT DIFFERENTLY, OR WHAT IF I WOULD HAVE MADE THIS CHOICE INSTEAD OF THAT ONE.  DWELLING ON THE PAST PUTS UP RIGHT WHERE SATAN WANTS US.  WE CAN NOT MOVE FORWARD WITH OUR LIVES IF WE ARE SPENDING ALL OUR TIME IN THE PAST.  JUST A THOUGHT-IT REALLY DID MEAN SOMETHING TO ME, AND I HOPE IT WILL GIVE YOU A LITTLE DIFFERENT PROSPECTUS OF LOOKING BEHIND.  BTW THE TITLE OF OUR STUDY WAS "REMEMBER THE WIFE OF LOT".  THIS AM, I HAVE MY SWIMMING EXERCISES WITH MY SISTER VICKIE, AND THEN I WILL BE GOING TO THE TEA ROOM AT DISNEY.  IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER RAINY DAY, SO I WILL NEED MY UMBRELLA FOR SURE.  WELL, THE WEEK END WAS BETTER-I AM TRYING HARD TO DO WHAT I KNOW MIKE WOULD HAVE WANTED.  I LONG TO SEE MIKE AGAIN-BUT I NEED TO LEARN TO HAVE PATIENCE. AS THE OLE SAYING GOES " ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT".  TILL TOMORROW-TAKE AN UMBRELLA!!  JUST ME

NOTHING PAST 3:30AM !!

I HATE NIGHTS LIKE LAST NIGHT, WHEN YOU JUST WATCH THE CLOCK AND WAIT TILL A DECENT HOUR TO GET OUT OF BED.  I HAVE BEEN AWAKE SINCE 3:30AM AND JUST COULD NOT GET BACK TO SLEEP.  I PUT MOST OF MY THINGS AWAY YESTERDAY THAT HAVE BEEN IN RUBBERMAID TUBS SINCE I CHANGED BED ROOM SETS.  I NEVER COULD FIND ANY OF MY MAKEUP, OR MY PERFUME WHICH WERE ON TOP OF AND INSIDE MY DRESSER.  NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR LOOKING LIKE POOP, AND NOT SMELLING SO HOT EITHER L.O.L.!!!  I DON'T KNOW WHY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO DO THAT, EXCEPT THAT I HAVE NOT WANTED TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING SINCE MIKE PASSED.  I AM STILL DOING MY EXERCISES WITH MY SISTER VICKIE THREE TIMES A WEEK, AND I THINK THAT IS PROBABLY GOOD FOR BOTH OF US.  I WAS NOT FEELING WELL FOR SOME REASON LAST NIGHT-FELT LIKE A COLD WAS COMING ON, AND HAD A SLIGHT FEVER. SO I JUST LISTENED TO MY MEETING.  I DID MAKE SEVERAL CALLS YESTERDAY, AND I HAVE MORE TO MAKE TODAY AS I DID NOT GET VERY FAR ON ANY OF MY CALLS YESTERDAY.  WELLCARE (MY INS. CO.) HAD THEIR COMPUTER DOWN SO THEY COULD NOT ANSWER ANY OF MY QUESTIONS, AND MY PAIN DR. HAD TO CHECK ON SOMETHING BEFORE THEY COULD BOOK MY PAIN SHOTS.  I WILL HAVE TO CALL BOTH BACK TODAY.  SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN BUSY ALL DAY AND STILL GOT NOTHING ACCOMPLISHED.  I GUESS YESTERDAY WAS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.  I THINK TODAY IS FRIDAY (I GET CONFUSED A LOT THESE DAYS), SO I WILL MOST LIKELY HAVE DINNER AND WATCH A SHOW AT MY SISTER'S HOUSE TONIGHT.  SHE HAS REALLY BEEN SO MUCH HELP TO ME-I AM TRULY THANKFUL TO HAVE HER SO CLOSE BY!!  WE ARE SUPPOSE TO GET A LOT OF RAIN OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS-PERHAPS THAT IS WHY EVERYTHING IN MY BODY IS ACHING THIS AM..  THE WEATHER DOES SEEM TO HAVE A NOT SO GOOD AFFECT ON ME, AND MOST OTHER PEOPLE WHO SUFFER WITH ARTHRITIS.  WELL, I DO NEED TO GET DRESSED NOW, AND HOPEFULLY EAT A LITTLE SOMETHING SO I CAN START MY DAY.  MY YUMMY CAFE CON LECHE' IS GETTING COLD, SO I NEED TO WARM THAT BACK UP TOO.  I SURE HOPE I SLEEP BETTER TONIGHT-YES, I WILL BE TAKING A SLEEPING PILL TONIGHT!!  TILL MONDAY, STAY WELL, BE HAPPY-JUST ME

SLEPT THE WHOLE NIGHT AWAY!!

YESTERDAY WAS A BIT OF A ROUGH DAY-NOT SURE WHY, BUT I HAD TO RESORT TO TAKING A NERVE PILL.  I GOT A FEW THINGS DONE, LIKE BUYING THAT DENTAL PLAN SO I CAN SAVE 50 TO 60 % ON ALL MY DENTAL PROCEDURES.  I HOPE IT WORKS-I'LL FIND OUT NEXT TUES..  I FIGURE I WILL SAVE $30.DOLLARS RIGHT OFF THE BAT, AS A FULL DENTAL EXAM WITH OUT THAT INSURANCE COST $30 DOLLARS, BUT WITH IT-IT'S FREE.  PLUS, THERE IS NO WAITING TIME IN WHICH YOU CAN START USING IT, AND MOST OTHER PLANS YOU MUST WAIT SOME PERIOD OF TIME BEFORE YOU CAN START SAVING MONEY.  I SURE AM GLAD TO BE HAVING A MEETING TONIGHT-IT SEEMS LIKE WHEN I REALLY NEED A LIFT, IT IS A MEETING DAY OR NIGHT!!  I GOT A CARD YESTERDAY FROM SOME VERY DEAR FRIENDS.  TAMI AND BOBBY M., AND IT SEEMS THAT TAMI HAS ALSO HAD A LOT OF DEATH TO DEAL WITH.  HER DEAR GRANDMOTHER DIED AS DID HER FATHER-ALL WITH IN A SHORT SPAN OF TIME.  I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT-OTHER THAN KNOWING WHERE THEY ARE AND THAT SHE WILL SEE THEM AGAIN SOON.  HER SISTER CHARMAGNE (MY DEAR FRIEND) ALSO PASSED NOT THAT LONG AGO TOO.  SOOO MUCH SADNESS IN THIS OLE SYSTEM!!   TODAY, I AGAIN HAVE MANY CALLS TO MAKE (ALL DOCTOR'S AND DENTIST)!!  I HAVE FALLEN SO FAR BEHIND IN ALL AREAS OF MY CARE, THAT IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME TO FINISH WITH MY CATCHING UP.  VICKIE AND I WILL GET TOGETHER LATER AS WELL, AND MAYBE WATCH A SHOW TOGETHER.  IT SURE IS NICE TO HAVE HER AROUND-SHE HAS ALREADY BEEN HERE AND DONE THAT, SO SHE CAN BE OF SO MUCH HELP TO ME.  VICKIE AND I ARE STILL GOING TO THE "Y" THREE TIMES A WEEK FOR EXERCISE.  THIS PAST WEEK WAS HARD BECAUSE OF ALL HER COMMITMENTS, BUT WE STILL MADE TIME FOR OUR HEALTH.  I PLAN ON LOOKING UP PRICES FOR MY UP COMING TRIP IN AUG. TO C.A., AS THEY KEEP SAYING ON THE NEWS TO BOOK EARLY!! CANYON MY GRANDSON WILL BE GOING WITH ME, AND IT WILL BE HIS FIRST TRIP TO VISIT HIS UNCLE MIKE AND AUNT LAURA.  I THINK HE IS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT-I KNOW I SURE AM..  WELL THE WEEK END IS HERE, SO I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ON MONDAY-JAH. WILLING.  TILL THEN, PAT SOMEONE ON THE BACK-IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!!  JUST ME OPPS!!!  TODAY IS JUST THURSDAY-NOT FRIDAY!  WHERE OH WHERE IS MY HEAD???  SORRY-TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

I'VE BEEN ABLE TO CALL OLD FRIENDS-FINALLY

ONE OF THE HARDEST THINGS FOR ME HAS BEEN TO CALL ONES THAT ARE NO LONGER CLOSE BY.  THEY HEARD OF MIKE'S PASSING, AND HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CALL ME EVER SINCE.  I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO RETURN THOSE CALLS BECAUSE I KNOW THEY WILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND WHY IT WAS SO FAST, AND I CRY EVERY TIME THE SUBJECT GETS TO MIKE.  I DID MAKE A CALL AND I DID CRY, BUT I WAS HAPPY THAT I WAS ABLE TO TALK WITH AN OLE FRIEND AND THE CALL ENDED VERY NICELY.  I FELT LIKE I HAD MADE ANOTHER HUGE STEP TOWARDS MY RECOVERY.  I REALLY DO BELIEVE OUR SURVIVING OUR GRIEF IS DONE IN STEPS OR STAGES.  THERE ARE STILL THINGS I FEEL I CAN NOT BROACH, BUT IN TIME, I KNOW I WILL.  HOW MUCH TIME??  THAT I DON'T KNOW, BUT WHEN I AM READY, I WILL KNOW IT.  I HUNTED ALL DAY (ACTUALLY FOR SEVERAL DAYS) FOR MY BLACK PASHMINA.  I USE TO USE IT TO COVER MIKE'S STOMA WHEN HE SAT DOWN AT THE MEETINGS.  HIS STOMA BAG COULD NOT BE HIDDEN IN HIS SUIT PANTS, SO I DID MY BEST TO KEEP IT COVERED AT THE MEETING. IT DID NOT SHOW WHEN HE STOOD TO SING THE SONGS OR HEAR THE PRAYER-ONLY WHEN WE SAT DOWN.  I AM JUST SICK THAT SOMEHOW IT HAS BEEN LOST.  I HOPE I CAN STILL FIND IT SOMEWHERE IN ONE OF THE UNPACKED BOXES I HAVE.  ANY HOW, MY DOCTOR' S APPOINTMENT YESTERDAY MORNING WENT WELL-HE SCHEDULED MY COLONOSCOPY FOR JUNE THE 14th. MY SISTER VICKIE HAS ALREADY SAID SHE WILL TAKE ME THERE.  WHAT FUN!!  I ALSO HAVE AN APPOINTMENT ON NEXT TUES. TO GO TO A NEW DENTIST.  I BOUGHT A VERY INEXPENSIVE DENTAL PLAN THAT IS SUPPOSE TO TAKE AFFECT RIGHT AWAY.  IT IS ALSO SUPPOSE TO SAVE ME AT LEAST 50% ON ALL MY CAPS & CROWNS AND EVEN MORE ON OTHER STUFF.  WE SHALL SEE-I SURE HOPE IT DOES, AS ALL MY TEETH NEED HELP!!  WELL I SHOULD GO AND GET DRESSED NOW, AND EAT A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR BREAKFAST.  HOPE YOUR DAY IS FULL OF HAPPY SURPRISES-TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

MY FIRST NIGHT WITH MIKE'S URN IN THE ROOM

I HAD A LITTLE ROUGH SPOT IN THE BEGINNING OF THE NIGHT.  I JUST KEEP LOOKING AT HIS PICTURE, AND FOR NO OTHER REASON THE TEARS STARTED TO FLOW.  I COULD NOT HELP BUT REMEMBER JUST A SHORT TIME AGO HE WAS NEXT TO ME IN BED HOLDING MY HAND TILL HE FELL ASLEEP.  I SURE DIDN'T KNOW THEN HOW SHORT A TIME WE WOULD HAVE LEFT.  I AM THANKFUL THAT I DID NOT ENTRUST HIS CARE TO ANY ONE ELSE EXCEPT ON MAYBE TWO OR THREE OCCASIONS WHEN I HAD DR.'S APPOINTMENTS, OR SERVICE.  MOST OF THE TIME HE WAS WITH ME OR WITH FAMILY, AND THAT COMFORTS ME.  HE NEVER HAD TO LEAVE HIS HOME EITHER, WITCH IS ANOTHER HUGE PLUS.  SO MANY IN HIS CONDITION HAVE TO WIND UP IN A HOSPICE HOME, BUT MIKE NEVER DID. IN FACT, HE NEVER EVEN KNEW HE WAS IN HOSPICE CARE UNTIL MAYBE THE VERY END.  I DON'T KNOW WHY SOME DAYS ARE JUST HARDER THAN OTHERS.  I DO STILL TRY TO STAY VERY BUSY, AND I GO OVER TO MY SISTER VICKIE'S ALMOST EVERY DAY FOR A LITTLE WHILE.  MY DOGIES ARE ALSO A HUGE COMFORT TO ME.  THEY LOVE GOING OVER TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE, AND LOVE GOING ANY WHERE IN THE CAR.  THEY ARE REALLY SPECIAL.  MIKE SURE DID LOVE THEM!!  ANY HOW TODAY I HAVE A DR'S APPOINTMENT THIS A.M., SO I NEED TO START GETTING DRESSED.  MORNINGS GO FASTER FOR ME THAN ANY OTHER TIME OF THE DAY!!  I HAVE SO MUCH TO DO AND SO LITTLE DESIRE YET.  I FINALLY PUT ONE OF MY CLOTHES CONTAINERS AWAY YESTERDAY.  THEY ARE STILL STACKS ON TOP OF THE BEDS IN THE OTHER TWO GUEST ROOMS EVER SINCE WE CHANGED OUT MY BED ROOM SET.  I HAVE TWO PICTURES I WANTED TO RESTORE TOO, BUT I JUST LACK THE DESIRE.  I HOPE AND PRAY THAT AS TIME GOES ON MY PAIN WILL LESSEN AS EVERY ONE TELLS ME IT WILL.  HE WAS A HARD MAN TO UNDERSTAND AT TIMES, BUT HE NEVER WAVERED IN HIS LOVE FOR ME OR FOR HIS CHILDREN.  THE LAST YEARS HE WAS SO MELLOW, AND THAT IS HOW I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HIM.  WELL I REALLY DO HAVE TO GO NOW, SO TILL TOMORROW-DON'T FORGET TO PRAY-WE ALL NEED IT!!  JUST ME

I FINALLY DID IT!!

I FINALLY GOT UP THE COURAGE TO MOVE MIKE'S URN INTO THE BED ROOM WITH ME, AND THE DOGIES.  I WON'T KID YOU, IT IS TRULY HARD TO WAKE UP AND SEE HIS FACE FIRST THING, BUT IT WAS EVEN HARDER FOR ME  KNOWING  HE WAS IN THE NEXT ROOM AND NOT WHERE HE BELONGED.  SO I FOUGHT THROUGH SOME TEARS, AND PUT HIS URN ON HIS NIGHT STAND, AND HIS BEAUTIFUL PICTURE ON THE DRESSER.  I KNOW IT'S CRAZY, BUT I FEEL BETTER KNOWING THAT MIKE, ME, AND THE DOGIES ARE ALL BACK IN THE SAME ROOM.  I HAD A VERY NICE NIGHT LAST NIGHT.  MIKE B. PICKED ME UP AND WE WENT TO JAKKI & JUDAH-BEN'S HOUSE FOR DINNER AND OUR FAMILY STUDY NIGHT.  I AM REALLY THANKFUL THAT THEY INCLUDE ME, AND GO THROUGH SO MUCH TROUBLE TO GET ME THERE, AND THEN BRING ME HOME (EVEN WHEN THEY STILL PLAN ON SPENDING MORE TIME THERE).  I HAD GONE TO MY P.C.P. ON FRIDAY, AND HE FOUND SOME PROTEIN IN MY URINE.  ACTUALLY I TOLD HIM TO CHECK FOR IT, AS I HAVE HAD THAT PROBLEM BEFORE, AND I KNEW THE SIGNS.  HE SAID YES, AND NOW HE WILL SEND IT OUT TO THE LAB TO SEE THE EXACT NUMBERS, AND THEN DECIDE IF I NEED TO GO BACK TO MY OLE NEFROLOGIST (KIDNEY DR.)..  TOMORROW I GO SEE THE GASTRO DR. SO THEY CAN SET ME UP WITH A DATE FOR MY COLONOSCOPY.  THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET YOURSELF GO FOR SO LONG-IT ALL CATCHES UP WITH YOU SOON OR LATER!!  I HAD FINALLY MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A DENTIST, AND NOW I WILL HAVE TO CHANGE IT BECAUSE DUMMY ME SET IT FOR THE SAME TIME I HAVE THE GASTRIC. DR.'S APPOINTMENT TOMORROW!!  I AM SUCH A MESS THESE DAYS.   I DID THE WORST (STUPIDEST) THING I THINK I HAVE  EVER DONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE ON SAT. WHEN I CAME HOME FROM SERVICE!!  MY SISTER AND I HAD SHOPPED AT ALDE'S ON FRIDAY, AND I BOUGHT SOME RIBS.  THEY HAD B.B.Q. SAUCE ON THEM, SO I JUST ASSUMED THEY WERE COOKED-WRONG!!!!! AS IT TURNED OUT, I WAS SO HUNGRY I ATE THREE RIBS BEFORE I REALIZED THAT THEY WERE RAW!!!  I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT!!  OH WELL, I COULD PULL ANY ONE OF A NUMBER OF EXCUSES OUT OF THE EXCUSE HAT, BUT THE TRUTH IS, I MISS MIKE SO MUCH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING AT LEAST HALF OF THE TIME.  WELL, IT IS TIME FOR ME TO GET DRESSED, AND CALL UP THE DENTIST TO RESCHEDULE.  I LOST ONE OF MY GOLD EARRINGS LAST NIGHT TOO-JUST WALKING FROM THE LIVING ROOM TO THE BED ROOM.. STUFF LIKE THAT SEEMS TO BE HAPPENING A LOT LATELY.  OH WELL, THEY ARE ONLY THINGS-I HAVE NO ATTACHMENT TO.  HOPE YOUR WEEK END WAS JUST PICTURE PERFECT, AND THAT YOUR DAY WILL BE AS WELL-TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

JUST TWO PILLS AND I SLEPT LIKE A LOG!!

I WAS SUPER TIRED LAST NIGHT AFTER MY MEETING, BUT DID NOT WANT TO TAKE A CHANCE OF WAKING UP IN A COUPLE HOURS LIKE THE NIGHT BEFORE.  I HAVE SOME PRESCRIPTION LUNESTA, PLUS A VERY STRONG PAIN PILL, WHICH I TOOK JUST AS I WAS GETTING INTO BED.  BELIEVE IT OR NOT, NEXT THING I KNEW IT WAS 7AM, AND THE DOGIES WANTED TO GO OUT SIDE!!  I KNOW I AM SUPPOSE TO BE THE MASTER OF THEM AND ALL THAT, BUT BELIEVE YOU ME-THEY RUN THE PLACE!!  I TRULY DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITH OUT THEM. I WOULD MOST LIKELY STAY IN BED ALL DAY FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF-NOT POSSIBLE WITH THOSE TWO AROUND!!   WELL, I HAVE POSSIBLE NEW DATES FOR MY TRIP TO C.A., AS THE KIDS DO NOT WANT ME TO BE HERE ALONE DURING MY ANNIVERSARY.  SO IT LOOKS LIKE I WILL BE LEAVING FOR C.A. ON AUG. 1, AND RETURNING ON THE 7TH.  I DO LOVE AND APPRECIATE THAT MY KIDS WORRY ABOUT ME SO MUCH-I AM TRULY BLESSED.  TODAY I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH MY P.C.P. AFTER MY SISTER VICKIE AND I DO OUR EXERCISES A TRIP TO COSTCO, AND MAYBE A GARAGE SALE OR TWO.  I ALSO GOT AN APPROVAL FROM MY P.C.P. FOR SOME SHOTS IN MY NECK AT MY PAIN CLINIC.  I SURE HOPE THEY HELP, AS I HATE HAVING HEAD ACHES AND SO MUCH PAIN IN MY NECK AND SHOULDERS.  I AM FEELING PRETTY GOOD THIS A.M.-MUST BE FROM THE FIRST REALLY GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP I HAVE HAD IN A WHILE.  I ALSO AM GOING TO SEE AN ORAL SURGEON FOR AN ESTIMATE AND CONSULTATION ON FIXING ALL THAT IS WRONG WITH MY TEETH.  AT LEAST THE CONSULTATION WILL BE FREE!!!  I KNOW I DO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING SOON, AS THEY KEEP BREAKING OFF ONE AT A TIME OR GETTING ABSCESSED-IT  STINKS!! BTW, DOES ANY ONE KNOW A JOSE VALDEZ?? I HAVE GOTTEN A TON OF CALLS FOR HIM AND HIS WIFE ON MY NEW PHONE #.  IT IS PRETTY FUNNY AFTER A WHILE.  I WILL BE SO GLAD TO GET MY OLE # BACK AGAIN-I HAVE HAD IT FOR ABOUT 20 YEARS!!  PLUS, IT IS SO EASY TO REMEMBER, AND I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET!!  REMEMBER THAT OLE SONG-( "I'M A NUT") ?? IT SAYS IN PART "CALLED MYSELF UP ON THE PHONE JUST TO SEE IF I WAS HOME"?  I CAN ALMOST SEE ME DOING THAT AT THIS POINT!!  I DON'T KNOW WHY TIME SEEMS TO FLY BY FASTER IN THE A.M. THAN ANY OTHER TIME DURING THE DAY.  I NEED TO GET DRESSED, AND READY FOR THE DAY.  I THINK IT WILL BE A GOOD ONE-I FEEL INVIGORATED AFTER MY MEETING AND A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP!!  TILL MONDAY-REMEMBER, YOU CAN NOT SAY I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!!  JUST ME

ROUGH NIGHT

HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE SLEEPING AGAIN LAST NIGHT.  SOME REALLY STRANGE DREAMS, PLUS A LITTLE CONGESTION MADE FOR A NOT SO HOT NIGHT.  I'M SURE THIS DREARY WEATHER DOES NOT HELP EITHER.  I GOT A LITTLE WET YESTERDAY, BUT IT RAINED PRETTY MUCH ALL DAY.  I AM HOPING IT WILL GET CLEARER AS THE DAY GOES ON.  MY SISTER VICKIE JUST CALLED AND SHE IS IN THE SAME SHAPE, SO MAYBE WE BOTH PICKED UP A LITTLE GERM SOME WHERE AS WE SPEND A LOT OF TIME TOGETHER THESE DAYS.  SHE HAS SOME HOMEMADE SOUP SHE JUST TOOK OUT OF HER FREEZER, SO SHE WANTS ME TO BRING THE KIDS (PRISKA & PRESLEY) OVER AND HAVE SOME DINNER WITH HER. I PROBABLY WILL, AND THEN I WILL NEED TO COME HOME AND GET READY FOR MY MEETING.  IF I GET ANY WORSE, I WILL JUST HAVE TO LISTEN IN, BUT I REALLY HATE TO HAVE TO DO THAT.  I REALLY ENJOY GOING TO MY MEETINGS.  THE FRIENDS HAVE MADE A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN MY TIME OF SORROW.  THEY ARE LOVING AND SUPPORTIVE AS TRUE FRIENDS SHOULD BE.   I WISH I WOULD FEEL LIKE I AM GETTING CLOSER TO PUTTING MIKE'S THINGS (HIS PICTURE AND HIS URN) IN THE ROOM WITH ME, BUT IT IS A STEP I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO TAKE THUS FAR.  I GUESS I AM STILL NOT READY FOR THAT ONE JUST YET.  I PRAY THAT IN TIME I CAN GET THERE.  I FEEL SO BAD HAVING HIM IN A DIFFERENT ROOM THEN ME AND THE KIDS, BUT FOR NOW ALL I SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DO IS PAY HIM A MORNING AND EVENING VISIT.  I WAS AFRAID TO GET ON THE SCALE THIS A.M. EVEN THOUGH I DID EAT HEALTHY YESTERDAY.  I DON'T WANT TO GET UPSET IF I GAINED A POUND BACK OR IF I JUST STAYED THE SAME.  I WANT TO WAIT A FEW DAYS, AND HOPEFULLY GET A NICE SURPRISE.  SUNDAY I THINK I WILL BE GOING TO JAKKI AND JUDAH-BEN'S HOUSE AGAIN FOR OUR FAMILY STUDY NIGHT.  THEY WERE SUPPOSE TO COME HERE, BUT I DON'T THINK JAKKI IS QUITE READY YET, PLUS THE WEATHER MAY STILL BE YUCKY.  I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MINKA AGAIN-SHE IS SUCH A CUTE LITTLE BUNDLE.  I HAVE TO MAKE MANY PHONE CALLS TODAY TO TRY AND ARRANGE A DOG SITTER WHILE I AM IN C.A..  IF YOU KNOW OF A GOOD ONE-E-MAIL ME PLEASE!!  BTW, IF ANY OF YOU ARE TRYING TO REACH ME BY PHONE-USE MY CELL.  I GOT SWITCHED BACK TO BRIGHT HOUSE YESTERDAY, BUT MY OLD PHONE # WILL NOT BE AVAILABLE TILL THE 26TH OF THIS MONTH.  I KEEP GETTING CALLS FOR JOSE VALDEZ ON MY NEW PHONE # (WHAT EVER THAT IS), AND THEY ARE BILL COLLECTORS-NO WONDER HE CHANGED HIS NUMBER!!!  WELL, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, TILL TOMORROW-STAY AWAY FROM STRESS.  JUST ME

YUCKY YUCKY WEATHER!

IT HAS BEEN SO DREARY AND YUCKY THE PAST TWO DAYS.  I THINK EVERY ONE WITH ARTHRITIS IS IN PAIN-ME TOO.  I AM GLAD FOR THE GRASS AND THE TREES THOUGH-THEY WERE SURE THIRSTY!!  TODAY WILL BE A BUSIER THAN USUAL DAY FOR ME.  I HAVE MY EXERCISE CLASS THIS A.M., AND THEN A BIBLE STUDY TO GO ON, AND THEN BOTH BRIGHT HOUSE CABLE AND MASSEY PEST CONTROL WILL BE HERE THIS AFTER NOON.  I AM TIRED JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THAT ACTION!!  I AM STARTING TO FEEL A LITTLE BETTER, AND I HAVE LOST ABOUT 4 POUNDS, SO I HOPE I CAN KEEP THIS ROUTINE UP.  IT SEEMS LIKE THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING OR SOMEONE THAT WANTS TO DO SOMETHING ON MY EXERCISE DAYS.  BOTH VICKIE AND I ARE HAVING THAT SAME ISSUE, BUT WE ARE DETERMINED TO CONTINUE NO MATTER WHAT.  MY SON MIKE JR. PREFORMED A MIRACLE, AND SOMEHOW GOT ME OUT OF MY DIRECT T.V. CONTRACT!!!  I SURE TRIED, BUT GOT NO WHERE.  THEY ARE A HEARTLESS BUNCH!!  I WISH I WOULD HAVE CHECKED THEM OUT BEFORE I SIGNED UP FOR TWO YEARS, BUT IT WAS A HORRIBLE TIME FOR ME, AND I HAD MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DEAL WITH AT THE TIME.  MY KIDS HAVE CONTINUED TO LOOK AFTER ME, AND DO WHAT EVER THEY CAN TO GET ME THROUGH THIS HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE.  I KNOW I WILL BE O.K. AGAIN AT SOME POINT, BUT FOR NOW IT IS STILL ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I JUST NOTICED TODAY THAT PRESLEY IS HAVING A HARD TIME GOING POTTY.  HE ALSO HAS A LARGE LUMP BY HIS WEE WEER.  I HOPE IT IS NOTING SERIOUS-I WILL HAVE TO TAKE HIM TOMORROW TO THE VET.  I HAVE LOTS OF DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS MYSELF THIS MONTH.  I GUESS I HAVE PUT STUFF OFF AS LONG AS POSSIBLE-NOW I NEED TO PLAY CATCH UP WITH MY HEALTH..  EVEN THOUGH IT IS GLOOMY OUTSIDE, I AM DOING BETTER EMOTIONALLY.  I FINALLY CALLED MY SISTER (FLESHLY) IN WYOMING YESTERDAY.  I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT UNTIL NOW.  THERE IS STILL A SISTER (SPIRITUAL) THAT I NEED TO CALL, AND I THINK I WILL TRY AND CALL HER TODAY.  DREARY WEATHER AND ALL, I AM STILL SO THANKFUL TO HAVE THIS DAY OF LIFE. WELL, THAT IS IT FOR ME THIS A.M., I NEED TO GET MY SWIM SUIT ON, AND GET READY TO FACE THE DAY.  HOPE YOUR DAY IS FILLED WITH GOOD GIFTS, AND THAT YOU GIVE THOUGHT AS TO WHO TO THANK-JUST ME

NOW, ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP!!

I SEEM TO BE TIRED ALL THE TIMES THESE DAYS.  I WAS UP BY 7A.M., AND HAD TO GET BACK IN BED UNTIL A LITTLE AFTER 8.  I WENT TO BED AT AROUND 10P.M., SO THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLENTY OF SLEEP-RIGHT??  NINE HOURS BY MY COUNT, AND I STILL NEEDED MORE!! ALSO YESTERDAY AFTER OUR EXERCISE CLASS I CAME HOME AND LAID DOWN ON THE SOFA, AND PRETTY MUCH STAYED THERE ALL DAY.  I BASICALLY WENT FROM MY SWIM SUIT INTO MY PAJAMAS. I AM HOPING FOR A MUCH BETTER DAY TODAY.  I WILL BE DOING THE COOKING TONIGHT FOR MY SISTER AND MARTHA, SO I NEED TO SNAP OUT OF WHAT EVER THIS IS, AND FAST!!  I THINK THAT THE RAT SITUATION IS GONE, THEY HAVE NOT CAUGHT ANYTHING MORE FOR SEVERAL DAYS.  I GUESS MASSEY WILL SEAL UP THE HOLE AND TAKE ALL THE TRAPS AWAY TODAY-SURE HOPE SO.  I HAVE TO CHECK WITH THE GROOMER TODAY TO SEE IF SHE CAN KEEP MY DOGIES FOR ME WHILE I GO TO C.A. IN JULY.  I REALLY AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING MY SON AGAIN, AND LAURA & OF COURSE THOSE BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES OF MINE.  I AM TRULY BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH A LOVING FAMILY AND SO MANY FRIENDS IN THE TRUTH.  THEY ARE ALL SO ENCOURAGING, AS MANY HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT I AM DEALING WITH, SO THEY CAN TRULY SYMPATHISE, AS WELL AS TELL ME WHAT HAS HELPED THEM COPE.  I DON'T REMEMBER IF I ALREADY WROTE THIS OR NOT, BUT WE DID FINALLY GET RID OF BUDDY-THE CHIHUAHUA.  SADLY WE HAD TO TAKE HIM TO A RESCUE PLACE, BUT THEY DID TELL US THEY WOULD MAKE SURE HE WAS KEPT SAFE UNTIL THEY FOUND A GOOD HOME FOR HIM.  I SURE HOPE SO, BUT I JUST COULD NO DEAL WITH THREE DOGS ANY LONGER.  HE WAS STARTING TO REALLY WARM UP TO US, AND HE REALLY LIKED PRISKA AND PRESLEY-SO SAD.  OH WELL, WE ALL GAVE IT OUR BEST SHOT, SO MAYBE HE WILL FIND A GOOD HOME-WE HOPE.  I HAVE SOME BILLS TO PAY, AND MANY MANY CALLS TO MAKE TODAY, SO I NEED TO GET ON THE BALL AND GET TO IT.  I WILL TRY HARD TO BE IN A BETTER MOOD TOMORROW-I GUESS FOR NOW IT IS LIKE A ROLLER COASTER RIDE FOR MY EMOTIONS, SO I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT HOW BEST TO DEAL WITH IT.  SO TILL TOMORROW-TRY AND FOCUS ON THE GOOD, AND I WILL DO THE SAME-JUST ME

NOW I'M GETTING TOOO MUCH SLEEP!!

I WENT FROM BARELY SLEEPING AT ALL TO NOW ALL I WANT TO DO IS LAY DOWN AND GO BACK TO SLEEP.  MY SISTER SAID THAT IS FROM DEPRESSION.  I AM NOT SURE-IT COULD ALSO BE FROM MY CLL WHICH ALSO KEEPS YOU TIRED.  I WILL CALL MY DR. TODAY AND ASK A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS.  IT SEEMS THAT MY ANKLES ARE ALSO SWOLLEN MUCH OF THE TIME, AND MY DAUGHTER (FONDA) SAID IT COULD BE A PROBLEM WITH MY KIDNEYS OR MY HEART.  I HAVE SWIMMING EXERCISES TODAY AGAIN WITH MY SISTER VICKIE, SO THAT SHOULD WAKE ME UP!!  I GOT TO SKYPE MY BEAUTIFUL GRANDDAUGHTERS IN C.A. YESTERDAY, AND SPEAK WITH MY SON FOR A WHILE.  THE GIRLS ARE SO CUTE AND SWEET YOU WISH YOU COULD JUST GRAB THEM RIGHT THROUGH THE COMPUTER AND KISS THEIR LITTLE FACES OFF!!  MY SON STILL LOOKS A LITTLE DOWN, BUT HANDSOME AS EVER.  I KNOW THIS IS PROBABLY HARD ON HIM TOO, EVEN WITH THOSE CUTE DAUGHTERS OF HIS AND THAT SWEET PRETTY WIFE HE HAS TO DISTRACT HIM.  FOR A WHILE, NOTHING IS GOING TO TAKE AWAY THE PAIN WE ALL FEEL.  I COULD CRY AT THE MENTION OF HIS NAME SOME DAYS.  BUT I KNOW MIKE WOULD NOT WANT US TO GO ON SUFFERING OVER HIM LIKE THIS, SO I KNOW WE ALL TRY IN OUR OWN WAY TO MOVE FORWARD.  I DON'T EVEN THINK HE WOULD BE UPSET WITH ME FOR LETTING THE DOGS SLEEP IN BED WITH ME.  I JUST NEED TO FEEL THEIR WARMTH, AND IT HELPS ME TO GO TO SLEEP.  I'M SURE EVENTUALLY I WILL GET USE TO MY "NEW NORMAL" AS EVERY ONE CALLS IT, BUT I'D GIVE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR JUST ONE MORE DAY OF THE OLD NORMAL.  WELL, ON A DIFFERENT NOTE, I THINK WE HAVE SEEN THE LAST OF THE RATS.  WE GOT TWO, AND I THINK THAT MAY BE THE END OF IT.  WE HAVE LEFT THE TRAPS OUT WITH THE PEANUT BUTTER IN IT FOR TWO MORE DAYS, BUT STILL NO MORE VICTIMS.  I SURE HOPE THAT MEANS WE ARE DONE!!  I HAVE HAD SUCH A BUSY BUSY WEEK END, THAT WHEN MY HEAD HITS THE PILLOW, I HARDLY HAVE TIME TO WATCH ONE SHOW BEFORE I START TO DOZE OFF.  SOME NIGHTS I DON'T EVEN NEED TO TAKE MY SLEEPING PILLS!!  LIKE I SAID, I AM SO TIRED ALL THE TIME LATELY.   I WILL CALL MY P.C.P. THIS A.M., AND SEE WHEN SHE CAN SEE ME.  WELL, THAT'S ABOUT IT FOR ME THIS A.M..  I KNOW MY SISTER VICKIE WILL BE CALLING ME ANY SECOND NOW ASKING ME IF I AM READY TO GO TO THE POOL.  NOT!!  I AM NOT DRESSED NOR HAVE I CHANGED INTO MY SWIM SUIT YET.  I HAD BETTER GET A MOVE ON, SO TILL TOMORROW, SURE HOPE YOUR WEEK END WITH A GOOD ONE!!  JUST ME

ANOTHER DAY-ANOTHER RAT!!

YES, WE GOT ONE MORE LAST NIGHT THANKS TO MY PEANUT OR PEANUT BUTTER IN THE TRAPS IDEA.  I WANT MASSEY TO DO IT AGAIN UNTIL NO TRAPS HAVE A RAT.  I WANT TO MAKE SURE THIS NIGHTMARE IS OVER WITH-JUST LIKE THE ONE WITH THE TICKS!!  IT IS SO HARD STILL TO GO INTO THE ROOM WHERE MIKE'S PICTURE AND URN ARE.  HIS BEAUTIFUL EYES SEEM TO BE LOOKING RIGHT AT ME.  I ALWAYS KISS HIS PICTURE AND SAY THE SAME THINGS, WE LOVE YOU, WE MISS YOU, AND SLEEP WELL-I HOPE FOR NOT TOO MUCH LONGER.. I AM DOING MY VERY BEST TO DO WHAT I KNOW MIKE WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO.  STAY BUSY-CONTINUE GOING TO MY MEETINGS (I CARRY HIS PICTURE IN MY BIBLE SO HE IS STILL WITH ME AT "OUR PLACE").  I MISS HIM EVERY DAY AS DO MY SON AND DAUGHTERS.  I KNOW SOME ARE HAVING A HARDER TIME WITH HIS LOSS THAN OTHERS, BUT STILL WE ALL LOVED HIM VERY MUCH.  I HAVE TO CUT THIS SHORT TODAY BECAUSE MY SISTER VICKIE AND I MUST GO DO OUR WATER EXERCISES EARLY SO WE CAN TAKE OUR NEIGHBOR MARTHA TO HER ORTHOPEDIC DR. THIS A.M..  I ALSO NEED TO CALL MASSEY AGAIN, AND HAVE THEM REMOVE THE RAT, AND SET ANOTHER PEANUT BUTTER TRAP.  I AM REALLY HOPING THAT THE ONE THE TRAP GOT LAST NIGHT IS THE LAST ONE, BUT I JUST WANT TO BE DOUBLY SURE!!  I SLEPT BETTER LAST NIGHT WITH OUT BUDDY BARKING-THAT WAS A PLUS, AS I SURE HAVE BEEN TIRED AS OF LATE.  I'M SURE PART OF IT IS STRESS, AND THEN I HAVE NOT BEEN SLEEPING ALL THAT WELL EITHER.  WELL, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO DINNER TONIGHT-I WILL BE COOKING YELLOW RICE AND CHICKEN WITH PLANTAINS, AND FLAN FOR DESERT.  I HOPE I REMEMBER HOW TO MAKE IT-IT HAS BEEN A LONG LONG WHILE SINCE I MADE SO MANY SPANISH MEALS!!  I ALSO HOPE MY SISTER VICKIE AND MARTHA WILL ENJOY A LITTLE TASTE OF CUBAN FOOD!!  THE WEEK END IS UPON US, SO SPEND IT WITH THE ONES YOU LOVE IF AT ALL POSSIBLE-JUST ME

COULDN'T SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT

IT WAS ANOTHER STRANGE NIGHT FOR ME.  I DID GET TO DOZE OFF, BUT THEN THE CHIHUAHUA STARTED BARKING LOUDER AND LOUDER UNTIL I GOT UP TO SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS.  I COULD NOT FIND ANY REASON FOR HIM TO BE BARKING SO AFTER A WHILE I TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS AND WENT BACK TO BED.  THEN THE BARKING STARTED UP AGAIN.  I THINK BUDDY (THE CHIHUAHUA) MUST HAVE BEEN HEARING THE RAT/RATS, AS HE WOULD NOT STOP BARKING.  I FINALLY GAVE BUDDY A MILD MUSCLE RELAXER ON A MARSHMALLOW AND THAT FINALLY DID THE TRICK-AT LEAST FOR BUDDY.  YESTERDAY WAS MARTHA'S TURN TO COOK, AND EVEN AFTER BEING IN THE E.R. THE FIRST HALF OF THE DAY, SHE STILL WANTED TO COOK FOR US.  WHAT A TROOPER!!  FRIDAY IT WILL BE MY TURN TO COOK.  I AM STILL IN A FOG THIS A.M., I HATE WHEN I HAVE NIGHTS LIKE LAST NIGHT.  I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH LIFE HAS CHANGED WITH OUT MIKE.  LAST NIGHT I WAS LOOKING AT THE BACK YARD, AND THOUGHT MIKE WOULD NOT BE VERY HAPPY TO SEE THE CONDITION IT IS IN.  I AM SO GLAD WE FINALLY GOT SOME MUCH NEEDED RAIN.  MAYBE THAT "PERFECT PATCH" GRASS SEED I BOUGHT WILL START TO FILL IN SOME OF THOSE BARE SPOTS.  MASSEY WAS OVER AGAIN YESTERDAY TO CHECK THE RAT TRAPS, AND MAY BE BACK AGAIN TODAY.  THEY STILL HAVE NOT CAUGHT THE CRITTER, SO RICK (FROM MASSEY) SAID HE WILL HAVE THE SUPERVISOR COME WITH HIM TO SEE IF HE HAS ANY IDEAS ON WHAT TO DO NEXT.  WE DID OUR EXERCISES YESTERDAY AGAIN, BUT I STILL HAVE NOT LOST A POUND.  IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING WHEN YOU ARE EATING HEALTHY AND EXERCISING, AND TAKING ALL THE STUFF DR. OZ SAYS WILL HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, AND STILL HAVE NOT LOST A POUND.  I KNOW EVERY ONE SAYS THAT I AM GAINING MUSCLE, AND THAT MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT, STILL NOT HELPING!!  ANY HOW, TODAY MY SISTER VICKIE WANTS ME TO GO WITH HER TO PICK UP SOME NEW GLASSES, AND THEN GO TO COSTCO WITH HER.  I ALWAYS FIND STUFF THERE-EVEN WHEN I WAS NOT PLANNING TO BUY ANY THING.  ONE GOOD THING IS THAT WE SPLIT THE PRODUCTS AND THE COST, SO THAT HELPS US BOTH OUT ON OUR GROCERY BILLS.  WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE ANOTHER RAINY DAY, OR AT LEAST MY ARTHRITIS IS TELLING ME THAT.  I HAVE MY MEETING TONIGHT, AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING WITH ALL THE FRIENDS.  I THINK ABOUT HALF THE CONGREGATION (OR MORE) HAS SENT CARDS ABOUT MIKE'S PASSING.  I AM GOING TO GET A LITTLE BOOK TO PUT THEM ALL IN AND SAVE THEM.  WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ME THIS THURS. MORNING.  I HOPE YOUR DAY WILL BE FILLED WITH SUNSHINE-TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

EEEEYE CHIHUAHUA!!!!!

THIS IS THE STORY OF THE LITTLE DOG THAT WOULD NOT GO AWAY!!  I GOT THIS LITTLE DOG FOR MY NEIGHBOR MARTHA WHO WAS LONELY AND NEEDED A PET.  THE CHIHUAHUA HAD NEVER BEEN AROUND LOVE OR SOMEONE WHO TOOK GOOD CARE OF HIM BEFORE, SO WE (I) THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A PERFECT FIT.  RESCUE A DOG, AND HELP OUT A NEIGHBOR-RIGHT??  WRONG!!!  THE TWO OF THEM NEVER SEEMED TO BOND, AND MARTHA AFTER TRYING FOR TWO OR THREE MONTHS TO GET BUDDY TO LOVE HER GAVE UP.  SHE WAS GOING TO CALL THE POUND WHICH BASICALLY PUTS THE DOGS DOWN. SO LONG STORY SHORT, BUDDY IS BACK HERE WITH ME, AND I AM BUSILY LOOKING FOR A NEW HOME FOR HIM.  HE IS POTTY TRAINED, AND I FEEL SURE WOULD WARM UP TO SOMEONE WHO HAS THE TIME TO WORK WITH HIM.  ANY HOW, THAT'S MY CHIHUAHUA STORY FOR THE DAY.  I DID NOT SLEEP TO GREAT LAST NIGHT, I THINK MY BODY IS JUST SORE FROM ALL THE EXERCISE IT IS NOT USE TO.  STILL, I WILL GO AGAIN THIS A.M. AND MAYBE JUST DO THE TREADMILL TODAY. I WAS OUT OF SORTS A LOT YESTERDAY, IT SEEMS THAT THE LOSS OF MIKE HITS ME IN SPELLS-SOMETIMES WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT.  YESTERDAY I HEARD SOMETHING ON T.V. THAT REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING THAT MIKE HAD SAID, AND DOWN CAME THE TEARS.  MY SON SAID SOMETHING THE OTHER DAY THAT IS ALSO TRUE.  "WHAT DOESN'T KILL ME HURTS LIKE HEQQ"!!  TODAY I HAVE THE GROOMER COMING OVER TO SHAVE MY DOGIES, AS THEIR HAIR GROWS OUT FASTER THAN MINE!!  WE ARE SUPPOSE TO GO OVER TO MARTHA'S FOR DINNER, BUT SHE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO COOK TODAY, AS SHE HAD TO GO TO THE E.R. FOR EX-RAYS OF HER HIP.  HER CHIROPRACTOR SAID SHE THOUGHT THAT MARTHA HAS A FRACTURE EITHER OF THE HIP OR THE PELVIS.  IT IS ALWAYS SOMETHING.  ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED, IS THAT LIFE GOES ON WITH OR WITH OUT OUR PERTICIPATION.  I KNOW I HAVE MANY REASONS TO KEEP ON LIVING, AND I WANT TO (FOREVER EVEN), BUT IN SOME WAYS, I ENVY MIKE.  HE IS NOT SUFFERING ANY MORE-I GUESS NOW IT'S OUR TURN.  WELL, I NEED TO GET DRESSED, AS MY SISTER VICKIE WILL BE HERE SOON TO PICK ME UP FOR THE "Y"-YEAH!!  TILL TOMORROW-STAY STRONG, OLD AGE IS NOT FOR WEAKLINGS!!  JUST ME

STILL DEALING WITH THE RATS!!

MASSEY CAME OVER TWICE YESTERDAY.  RIGHT AFTER THEY LEFT, I FOUND THE HOLE THEY WERE COMING IN FROM.  I CALLED THEM RIGHT BACK (I HAD HIS CELL PHONE #), AND HE CAME BACK TO FILL UP THAT HOLE WITH FOAM.  WELL, THE FOAM CAME OUT ONTO MY SPLASH BOARD, SO I SHOVED IT BACK UP INTO THE HOLE AS BEST I COULD.  LAST NIGHT THAT RAT WAS CLAWING AND SCRATCHING SO HARD TO GET THROUGH THE FOAM THAT I COULD ACTUALLY HEAR IT FROM MY BEDROOM WITH THE DOOR SHUT!!  I GUESS IT COULD NOT EAT IT'S WAY THROUGH ALL THE FOAM, SO IT FOUND IT'S WAY INTO MY CUPBOARD WHERE I KEEP THE BIRD FOOD.  YOU GUESSED IT.  IT ATE RIGHT THROUGH THE PLASTIC AND ATE SOME OF THE BIRD FOOD.  ALL I KNOW IS MASSEY HAD BETTER GET THAT DARN RAT SOON, CAUSE IF I WOULD HAVE HAD A PISTOL, I'D HAVE SHOT THE THING RIGHT THROUGH MY WALL LAST NIGHT!!  CAN YOU TELL MY NERVES ARE FRIED????  ANY HOW, I TOOK A PILL SO I COULD SLEEP, AND I ONLY GOT UP ONCE LAST NIGHT, SO I AM STARTING TO DO MUCH BETTER IN THAT DEPARTMENT.  I SLEEP WITH MIKE'S JACKET IN BED WITH ME BECAUSE IT STILL SMELLS LIKE HIM.  FOR THE FIRST TIME I WISH I WAS FURTHER BEHIND IN MY LAUNDRY, SO I WOULD HAVE SOME OF THE CLOTHES HE WORE LAST.  IT IS ODD THE THINGS I FIND COMFORT IN I KNOW.  I AM HAVING MY GROOMER COME OVER WEDS. TO BATH AND SHAVE MY DOGS AGAIN.  SINCE I PUT THEM IN BED WITH ME, I WANT TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE CLEAN AND BUG FREE.  I NEVER SEE ANY BUGS ON THEM, BUT IT NEVER HURTS TO BE DOUBLY SURE.  TODAY I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT WITH S.S..  I HAVE TO TAKE ALL SORTS OF STUFF WITH ME INCLUDING MY ORIGINAL BIRTH CERTIFICATE, AS THEY SAID I HAVE TO PROVE TO THEM HOW OLD I AM!!  CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??  THEY HAVE BEEN SENDING ME CHECKS FOR YEARS, AND THEY CLAIM THEY DO NOT KNOW HOW OLD I AM.  UNBELIEVABLE!!  WELL, MASSEY IS SUPPOSE TO BE HERE SOON TO CHECK THE TRAPS THEY SET.  I COULD SAVE THEM THE TROUBLE-THE RATS ARE NOT IN THE TRAPS-THEY ARE IN THE WALL!!  OH WELL, ENOUGH ABOUT THE RATS!!  IT WAS MY SISTER VICKIE'S TURN TO COOK DINNER FOR US YESTERDAY, AND IT WAS VERY HEALTHY, AND VERY YUMMY.  IT WILL BE MY TURN AGAIN ON FRIDAY.  I THINK THIS WILL WORK OUT WELL FOR ALL THREE OF US.  WE ALSO DID OUR TIME AT THE "Y" YESTERDAY-45 MIN. IN THE POOL AS IF I WAS NOT WRINKLY AND PRUNEY ENOUGH!!  I DO ENJOY IT THOUGH, AND I AM SURE IT IS GOOD FOR ALL OF US.  WELL, THAT'S IT FOR NOW, MAKE A CHOICE TO BE HAPPY TODAY-I DID.  JUST ME

VERY BUSY WEEK END~!!

I HAVE TO SAY OTHER THAN FOR A COUPLE "MOMENTS", I HAD A NICE, ALSO VERY BUSY WEEK END.  SAT. A.M. I WENT OUT IN SERVICE FOR TWO HOURS, THEN I WENT TO MY FRIENDS FROM 3-7:30P.M..  THAT WAS ENJOYABLE, AND SHE FOUND A WINE (WHITE) THAT I REALLY LIKED.  SUNDAY A.M. I WROTE A POEM FOR  MY FRIEND (IRMA) TO THANK HER FOR HER KINDNESS, STUDIED THE W.T. FOR MY MEETING THEN WENT.  AFTER THE MEETING I WENT ALL OVER LOOKING FOR THE THE CUTE LITTLE LAMB THAT I GOT FOR OUR OTHER GRAND DAUGHTER LILLY,  SHE LOVES IT SO MUCH I WANTED ONE FOR MINKA (GREAT GRAD DAUGHTER).  I WENT TO MACY'S, DILLARD'S, STINEMART, ROSS, AND FINALLY  FOUND ONE WITH A TEDDY BEAR AT J.C. PENNY'S!!  THEN I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE, CAME HOME CHANGED CLOTHES, AND WAITED FOR MIKE B. (SON IN LAW) TO TAKE ME TO SEE MINKA AT JAKKI'S AND HAVE OUR FAMILY BIBLE STUDY.  DID NOT GET HOME UNTIL 9:30P.M. AND THEN MIKE B. CAME IN TO TRY AND FIND THE RAT OR RATS FOR ME.  HE DREW A BLANK JUST LIKE MASSEY PEST CONTROL DID, BUT IT OR THEY ARE  STILL TAKING MY POISON BATE!! I HAVE TO GET READY NOW AS WE ARE GOING TO SWIM CLASS AT 10A.M. THIS MORNING.   IT WILL BE VICKIE'S TURN TO COOK TODAY, SO I WON'T HAVE TO FIX DINNER-EXCEPT FOR MY DOGIES.  ANY HOW, WE STILL GIVE OUR GOOD MORNING AND GOOD NIGHT KISSES TO DADDY'S PICTURE.  IT IS STILL SO HARD, AS HE LOOKS SO GOOD IN THE PICTURE, AND I (WE-THE DOGIES DO TOO) MISS HIM SO MUCH.  I AM SO THANKFUL TO JEHOVAH FOR THE PROMISE OF THE RESURRECTION-I KNOW IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD TO LIE, SO I KNOW IT WILL WITH OUT FAIL TAKE PLACE.  I JUST PRAY THAT NOTHING OR NO ONE KEEPS ME FROM BEING THERE TO WELCOME MY DEAR SWEET HEART BACK TO LIFE.  WELL, I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING AS I TOOK ALL MY A.M. PILLS A WHILE AGO.  A THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME WHILE I WAS SHOPPING AT PUBLIX FOR BREAD.  I AM SHOPPING FOR THE RATS!! I WAS ACTUALLY TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING I THOUGHT THEY WOULD LIKE!!  YES, I TOO THINK I AM LOSING IT!!  BTW, I DID SLEEP BETTER LAST NIGHT, SO THANK YOU OXYCONTIN!!!  TILL TOMORROW-DECIDE TO FORGIVE AND FORGET THE WRONG ONE PERSON HAS DONE TO YOU-YOUR INSIDES WILL THANK YOU!!

YIKES!!! WE HAVE A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE!!

I PUT OUT A FAVORITE TREAT FOR IT OR THEM WITH RAT POISON INSIDE, AND THIS A.M. ALL THE BATE WAS ALLGONE!!  HOPEFULLY THAT MEANS I HAVE A DEAD MOUSE OR RAT NOW.  GUESS THOSE YEARS OF WORKING FOR ORKIN PEST CONTROL TAUGHT ME A LITTLE SOMETHING.  WELL THE MEETING WAS GREAT, AS WERE ALL THE FRIENDS.  I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE SUPPORT SYSTEM.  I DID VERY WELL LAST NIGHT TOO, AND SLEPT UNTIL 6AM.  THAT IS PROBABLY THE BEST NIGHTS SLEEP I HAVE HAD IN A LONG LONG TIME.  TONIGHT IS MY TURN TO COOK FOR OUR LITTLE GROUP.  I AM MAKING IT A SPANISH NIGHT WITH BLACK BEANS AND RICE, SPANISH STYLE TURKEY, YUCCA, AND PLANTAINS.  FOR DESERT, GUAVA SHELLS & SLICED MANGO WITH A SLICE OF CREAM CHEESE ON TOP.  FONDA CALLED IN MASSEY PEST CONTROL, SO THEY SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE.  I SURE HOPE THEY CAN FIND MY DEAD LITTLE CRITTER.  MY SISTER VICKIE AND I ARE ALSO GOING TO COSTCO THIS A.M., AS WE BOTH NEED A FEW THINGS.  THEN TO THE SPANISH STORE, AND MAYBE IF THERE IS TIME BEFORE MY EXERCISE CLASS AT THE "Y", WE MAY HIT A GARAGE SALE OR TWO.  THEN I NEED TO GET IN THE KITCHEN AND START COOKING. I AM FEELING O.K. THIS A.M., MAYBE BECAUSE I GOT SUCH A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP.  I STILL CRY OFF AND ON DURING THE DAY-THEN I TAKE A NERVE PILL-THAT DOES SEEM TO HELP.  STILL GETTING THOSE AWFUL HEADACHES TOO, BUT MAYBE IT IS JUST A SINUS PROBLEM.  THE DR. SAID SHE WILL DO AN MRI OF MY HEAD IF THEY DO NOT STOP AND IF I DO NOT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY SINUSES.  THEN THE WEEK END WILL BE HERE AND I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO A FRIENDS HOUSE FOR DINNER.  I DID NOT REALLY THINK I COULD HANDLE A SOCIAL EVENT JUST YET, BUT SHE IS PRETTY INSISTENT THAT I COME.  SO I GUESS I WILL NOT HAVE TO COOK ON SAT. EITHER.  THAT'S A GOOD THING RIGHT??  WELL WE ALL KNOW WHERE I WILL BE ON SUNDAY, AND THEN I THINK I WILL JUST STAY HOME AND SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH MY DOGIES.  MAYBE EVEN TAKE THEM FOR A WALK-I KNOW THE DOGIES WOULD LOVE THAT, AND MIKE WOULD HAVE APPRECIATED IT AS WELL.  I WILL HAVE TO START DOING THAT MORE OFTEN.  WELL TIME FOR ME TO EAT A LITTLE BREAKFAST, AND GET MY DOGS OVER TO MY SISTERS AS THEY CAN NOT BE IN THE HOUSE WHEN MASSEY IS HERE.  SO TILL MONDAY, HOPE YOUR WEEK END WILL BE FILLED WITH HAPPY MOMENTS TO REMEMBER ALWAYS-JUST ME

HOW OUR EYES CAN PLAY TRICKS ON US

I WAS STILL HALF ASLEEP WHEN I WAS STARTING TO GET UP AND I THOUGHT I SAW MIKE IN THE ROOM SO I CALLED OUT HIS NAME.  IT TURNED OUT TO BE A PAIR OF MY WHITE SHOES AT THE TOP OF MY SHOE RACK ON THE DOOR OF MY BEDROOM.  HOW I LONG TO SEE THAT WHITE HEAD OF HAIR AGAIN!!  I KNOW HE WAS SO ILL AND IN A LOT OF PAIN, SO I WOULDN'T WANT HIM TO STILL BE HERE JUST SO I COULD SEE HIM AGAIN.  I PRAYED THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIED THAT JEHOVAH PLEASE LET HIM GO TO SLEEP UNTIL THE RESURRECTION DAY.  MIKE USE TO SAY "JEHOVAH SURE TAKES GOOD CARE OF YOU".  I ALWAYS BELIEVED THAT TOO.  I DON'T KNOW WHEN I WILL GET PAST THE TEARING UP STAGE.  I HATE GOING ANY WHERE AS I AM AFRAID SOMETHING OR SOMEONE WILL TRIGGER A MEMORY OF MIKE AND THE TEARS WILL COME DOWN LIKE RAIN.  I KEEP HEARING THAT IN TIME THINGS WILL GET BETTER.  THAT THE PAIN WILL LESS, AND ONLY THE GOOD MEMORIES WILL REMAIN.  I AM FINDING THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE WATCHING MY SISTER VICKIE.  HER HUSBAND (GEORGE) PASSED AWAY A YEAR AND A HALF AGO, AND SHE STILL TEARS UP, AND IS IN A LOT OF PAIN.  ALL OUR MARRIED LIFE I HEARD "NO HAYES MAN HAS EVER LIVED PAST 59".  I TRY TO REMEMBER THAT AT 78 WHEN HE PASSED, WE WERE BLESSED TO HAVE NINETEEN MORE YEARS WITH THIS MAN.  LIKE MY SON SAID IN A POEM THAT HE WROTE  "STILL, I THOUGHT WE'D HAVE MORE TIME".  NOW I AM THANKFUL FOR THE PETS THAT WE HAVE.  THEY ARE A LOT OF COMFORT TO ME, AND KEEP ME GOING.  I DID GET STARTED ON OUR EXERCISE PROGRAM, AND WAS DOING EXERCISES IN THE POOL FOR ABOUT 45 MINUTES YESTERDAY.  THEN IT WAS MY SISTER VICKIE'S TURN TO FEED BOTH MARTHA AND ME.  MY TURN WILL BE THIS FRIDAY.  THAT SEEMS TO BE GOING WELL, AND I THINK HELPFUL FOR ALL OF US.  I HAD EX-RAYS OF MY SINUSES YESTERDAY AND THEN ALSO HAD A DENTAL APPOINTMENT.  SEEMS I HAVE ANOTHER PROBLEM TOOTH.  IT HAS AN APSES, SO THE DR. GAVE ME SOME ANTIBIOTICS FOR IT.  THEN IT WILL NEED TO BE PULLED OUT.  WHY IS IT THAT ONLY THOSE TEETH THAT SUPPORT AND HOLD IN MY PARTIAL ARE THE ONES THAT GIVE ME SO MUCH TROUBLE??  ANY HOW, I AM UP AND AT LEAST I DID SLEEP MUCH BETTER LAST NIGHT.  THEN ANY SLEEP WOULD BE BETTER THAN LAST NIGHT!!  WELL, TIME TO DO SOME STUDYING FOR MY MEETING TONIGHT, AND GET DRESSED.  IT HURTS THAT I AM NOT ABLE TO KISS THIS BOO BOO AND MAKE IT GO AWAY FOR MY KIDS.  I HATE KNOWING HOW MUCH PAIN THEY ARE IN AS WELL.  IT IS TRULY JUST AS THE BIBLE SAYS-"DEATH IS OUR ENEMY".  WELL, THAT IS IT FOR ME TODAY-SORRY IF IT WAS A DOWNER, BUT I WRITE WHAT IS IN MY HEART.  SOME DAYS IT JUST HURTS MORE THAN OTHERS.  TILL TOMORROW-KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND BE THANKFUL WE HAVE THIS DAY-I KNOW I AM. JUST ME

11,12,236,339,417,543,610,711. WHAT DO THESE NUMBERS MEAN?

THEY ARE TIMES.  EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT MY CLOCK LAST NIGHT.  YES, I DID TAKE A SLEEPING PILL.  NO I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL KEPT ME FROM SLEEPING.  MANY THINGS I GUESS-JUST AN INCREDIBLY LONG LONG NIGHT.  I FINALLY GOT UP AT 7:11A.M. AS I DID NOT SEE MUCH CHANCE OF ME GETTING ANY MORE SLEEP PAST THAT.  ALSO BY NOW THE DOGS WERE GETTING ANTSY TO GO OUTSIDE, SO WE ALL GOT UP.  I HAVE TO SAY THIS (EVEN THOUGH MOST PEOPLE WILL THINK I AM NUTS ), BUT WHEN I DO MY MORNING ROUTINE OF HOLDING MIKE'S PICTURE AND KISSING IT-THE DOGS ALSO LICK HIS PICTURE!!  THEY TOO KNOW HE IS GONE AND THEY MISS HIM AND HIS DAILY WALKS WITH THEM.  MIKE WOULD SAY "GOOD DOGIES", I KNOW HE WOULD!!  I ALSO HAVE TO BRAG ABOUT MY SON A LITTLE BIT THIS A.M..  HE WROTE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL POEM I THINK I HAVE EVER READ IN MY ENTIRE LIFE ON HIS LONG DRIVE BACK TO C.A..  HIS DAD WAS ALREADY PROUD AS PUNCH OF HIS KIDS.   HE ALWAYS SAID HE HAD THE BEST KIDS IN THE WORLD.  IF HE COULD ONLY HAVE SEEN HOW WELL THEY HAVE DONE AND HOW MUCH THEY HAVE DONE FOR ME SINCE HIS PASSING, I KNOW HE WOULD EXPLODE FROM PRIDE AND GRATITUDE (AS I DO).  I KNOW THEY HAVE NO REGRETS WHEN IT COMES TO DOING ALL THEY COULD FOR THEIR DAD (WHEN HE WAS ALIVE AND AFTER), AND STILL DO FOR ME.  IT'S JUST LIKE THE BIBLE SAYS "CHILDREN ARE AN INHERITANCE" AND WHAT AN INHERITANCE MINE HAVE PROVEN TO BE!!  TODAY I NEED TO SEE A DENTIST AGAIN. I HAVE A TOOTH ACHE ON YET A DIFFERENT TOOTH!!  I STILL THINK I SHOULD JUST GET THEM ALL PULLED OUT AND GO WITH THE FALSIES.  I ALSO HAVE TO GO HAVE EX-RAYS DONE ON MY SINUSES.  SO MANY THINGS TO ALWAYS KEEP ME BUSY.  GUESS I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL HUH?  SAT. I AM GOING OVER TO A SISTER'S HOUSE FOR DINNER-SHE LIVES HERE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD-IF IT IS A HALF WAY DECENT DAY FOR ME EMOTIONALLY.  I WILL BE GOING TO DO EXERCISES THREE DAYS A WEEK (MON. WEDS. & FRIDAY).  MY SISTER, OUR NEIGHBOR MARTHA, AND MYSELF ARE NOW TAKING TURNS COOKING FOR THE THREE OF US ONE DAY A WEEK.  WE FIGURE IT WILL GIVE US SOME COMPANY, AND PROBABLY SAVE US A FEW BUCKS ON GROCERIES..  BTW, THE GARDEN THAT LAURA (MIKE JR.'S WIFE, FONDA, AND I PLANTED IS GROWING OUT OF CONTROL!!!  ANY BODY NEED TOMATOES????  TILL TOMORROW-KEEP YOUR CHIN UP-THAT WAY YOU CAN SEE THE SILVER LINING IN THE SKY.  JUST ME

WE DID IT!! WE WENT TO THE "Y" TO START OUR EXERCISE ROUTINE!!

MY SISTER VICKIE AND OTHERS HAVE BEEN ENCOURAGING ME TO START TAKING BETTER CARE OF MY SELF.  SO VICKIE AND I AND POSSIBLY ANOTHER NEIGHBOR (MARTHA) WILL BE GOING THREE TIMES A WEEK TO THE "Y".  HOW DID MY FIRST VISIT GO??  WELL, THE STRETCH CLASS WENT PRETTY WELL, BUT WHEN WE WENT TO THE BALANCE CLASS-I HAD A MINI EPISODE OF THE MENIER'S, BECAUSE OF ALL THE MOTION IN THE ROOM IN FRONT OF A WALL TO WALL MIRROR.  WE HAVE A PLAN IN PLACE FOR NEXT TIME, AND WE WILL TRY THAT AND SEE IF I CAN STILL DO THAT CLASS.  IF NOT, THERE ARE PLENTY OTHER CLASSES TO CHOOSE FROM FOR SENIORS. I GUESS THE MAIN THING IS TO START DOING SOMETHING!!  I SLEPT OK FOR THE MOST PART LAST NIGHT.  GOT UP AROUND 2 OR 3A.M., AND DECIDED TO TAKE A SLEEPING PILL AS I WAS WIDE AWAKE.  I THEN SLEPT TILL AROUND 6:30A.M., AND AM FEELING PRETTY GOOD (SO FAR).  I HAVE A DOCTORS APPOINTMENT THIS AM, AND THEY WILL DRAW MORE BLOOD (ON A COMPLETE FAST THIS TIME) AS THEY DID NOT LIKE THE RESULTS OF THE LAST ONE.  ANY HOW, I HAVE ALSO BEEN TRYING TO EAT HEALTHIER, AND MY DAUGHTER FONDA, MY SISTER VICKIE, AND MARTHA, ARE DOING THEIR BEST TO HELP ME.  I HAD A BETTER DAY MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY YESTERDAY, BUT I KNOW I STILL HAVE A LONG ROAD AHEAD.  WHEN YOU SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH THE SAME PERSON FOR SO MANY YEARS, THERE ARE NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE FEELING OF LOSS.  I EVEN THOUGHT I SAW MIKE WHEN I FIRST WOKE UP YESTERDAY (STILL HAD SLEEP IN MY EYES I GUESS, AS IT TURNED OUT TO BE A WHITE PAIR OF SHOES HIGH UP ON MY SHOE RACK.  I FELT SO STUPID FOR CALLING OUT HIS NAME ONCE I REALIZED I WAS TALKING TO A PAIR OF SHOES!!! I HOPE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND WHY I DON'T DO TOO MUCH PHONE CALLING RIGHT NOW-I JUST HAVE A HARD TIME TALKING ABOUT MIKE, AND HOW I AM DOING.  THAT'S WHY I WRITE THE BLOG, SO PEOPLE CAN STILL SEE THAT I AM STILL DOING WHAT I CAN, AND HOLDING OFF ON THINGS THAT I KNOW WILL MAKE ME CRY.  I WAS HAPPY TO HEAR THAT JAKKI AND BABY MINKA WENT HOME YESTERDAY.  I KNOW THEY WERE ALL HAPPY TO GET OUT OF THE HOSPITAL-ESPECIALLY LITTLE MINKA.  WELL, I DO NEED TO GET READY FOR MY DR.'S VISIT, SO TILL TOMORROW-HANG IN THERE-THAT'S WHAT I PLAN TO DO!! JUST ME