Thursday, May 5, 2011

" MORBID THOUGHTS "

YESTERDAY IN JEST, OUR DAUGHTER ASKED MIKE "HOW LONG IS IT THAT YOU PLAN ON LIVING TO DAD-109??.  TO SEE THE HUMOR IN THIS YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT HE FIRST DECIDED HE WANTED TO LIVE TO 93-THAT WAS HIS GOAL FOR A LONG LONG TIME.  THEN HE WOKE UP SEVERAL WEEKS AGO WITH THE REVELATION OF "GOD'S PLAN" (WHICH I POSTED A BLOG ABOUT-VERY FUNNY).  SO YESTERDAY WHEN SHE ASKED HIM IF HE WANTED TO LIVE TO 109, HE SAID "YEAH, THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT"!! OF COURSE WE BOTH SMILED AT EACH OTHER, BUT WITH HIS DESIRE TO LIVE LONGER AND LONGER, THAT MAY HAVE TRIGGERED MY PANIC.  I DO  KNOW THAT WE SHOULDN'T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT TOMORROW-JUST KINDA TRY AND GET THROUGH TODAY.  YET, I'M REALLY NOT SURE IF I HAD A BAD DREAM AND THEN WHEN I IT JOGGED MY MEMORY WHEN FELINA ASKED MIKE THAT.  ALL I KNOW IS  I STARTED TO THINK SERIOUSLY ABOUT SOME OF THIS STUFF.  STUFF LIKE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN TO MIKE IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME FIRST.  I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW NO ONE EVEN KNOWS HIS PILL SCHEDULE OR EVEN WHAT PILLS HE TAKES.  THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT WHO WOULD TAKE CARE OF HIM.  WOULD HE WIND UP IN A HOME??  HE LOVES OUR HOME AND WORKING IN THE YARD AND TAKING CARE OF THE DOGS IS HIS LIFE-HE WOULD NOT FARE WELL IF HE HAD TO MOVE SOMEWHERE.  THEN THERE IS THE QUESTION OF THE DOGS.  HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW, WHEN, OR WHAT TO FEED THEM.. KNOWING HIM, THEY WOULD BE  EATING MOST OF HIS FOOD. WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER PROBLEM.  WHO WOULD FEED MIKE?  MAKE SURE HE ATE BREAKFAST, LUNCH, AND DINNER.  WHO WOULD KEEP TRACK OF HIS DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS, AND GET HIM THERE?  WHO WOULD BE ABLE TO CHANGE HIS OSTOMY BAG WHEN IT LEAKS?  SO MANY MANY QUESTIONS.  I THOUGHT I SHOULD START MAKING A LIST OF THINGS, THAT WOULD BE HELPFUL TO WHO EVER WOULD BE IN CHARGE OF HIS CARE.  A LIST OF DOCTORS AND THEIR PHONE NUMBERS.  WHERE I ORDER HIS SUPPLIES FROM AND WHERE I GET ALL HIS PRESCRIPTIONS FILLED.  I WOULD SO HATE TO LEAVE ALL THIS FOR OUR CHILDREN TO FIGURE OUT.  THERE IS A SAYING THAT "NO ONE IS INDISPENSABLE", BUT AFTER REALIZING ALL THE THINGS I TAKE CARE OF FOR MIKE-I DECIDED THAT CLEARLY THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THAT!!  I ALSO MADE ONE OTHER DECISION.  I NEED TO TAKE BETTER CARE OF MYSELF SO NONE OF WHAT I JUST WROTE ABOUT EVER HAPPENS!!  HAVE YOURSELF A WORRY FREE DAY-JUST ME

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