Tuesday, June 26, 2012

REFLECTIONS MADE ME SAD

I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS DWELLING ON THE LAST TWO DAYS OF MIKE'S LIFE, BUT YESTERDAY I WAS TRYING TO RELIVE WHAT ALL HAPPENED.  I WAS SAD BECAUSE I FELT I COULD HAVE/SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE TO PUT MIKE AT EASE.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT HELD ME BACK EXCEPT THE FEAR OF LOSING HIM.  SOMEWHERE IN MY MIND I WAS SAYING HE WOULD COME OUT OF THIS.  MIKE ALWAYS COMES OUT OF BAD SITUATIONS, SO WHY NOT THIS ONE?  WHEN IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, I BELIEVE I WENT INTO SOME FORM OF SHOCK.  I HARDLY REMEMBER ANYTHING FROM THE DAYS IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWING, EXCEPT HOW HARD MIKE JR., LAURA, AND FONDA WERE WORKING TO MAKE THE HOUSE LOOK BETTER, AND GET RID OF SOME PAINFUL MEMORIES.  I AM TRULY GRATEFUL FOR ALL THEY DID, AND FOR LILLY AND AUTUMN PLAYING GAMES WITH ME (LIKE HIDE THE BALL), TO KEEP MY MIND OFF THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION.  IT WILL SOON BE THREE MONTHS SINCE MIKE PASSED, AND IT MIGHT AS WELL BE THREE DAYS.  IT STILL HURTS TO LOOK AT & KISS  HIS PICTURE WHICH I DO EVERY MORNING AND EVERY NIGHT.   I REALLY THINK IT IS THIS DARN RAIN THAT HAS PUT ME IN SUCH A NOSTALGIC MOOD.  ANY HOW, ON A DIFFERENT SUBJECT, I HAVE ANOTHER DENTAL APPOINTMENT TODAY, AND I AM GUESSING THEY WILL NEED TO PULL ONE OF THE TEETH I THOUGHT HAD BEEN SAVED.  SO FAR THE OTHER TOOTH SEEMS TO BE HOLDING IT'S OWN-I SURE HOPE THAT ONE CONTINUES TO DO SO.  I AM TRULY LOOKING FORWARD TO MY TRIP TO SEE MIKE JR., LAURA, & MY TWO BEAUTIFUL GRAND BABIES.  THEY ARE GROWING LIKE WEEDS, AND I NEED SOME HUGS & KISSES BEFORE THEY OUT GROW THAT STAGE.  MY SISTER VICKIE AND MY GRAND SON CANYON WILL BE GOING WITH ME.  I'M SURE WE WILL HAVE A MARVELOUS TIME-CAN'T WAIT.  I AM ALSO PLANNING A TRIP TO SEE TERRY & DAR-TWO OF MIKE AND MY BEST FRIENDS FOR MANY YEARS.  TERRY IS THE ONE WHO INTRODUCED MIKE AND I FOR WHICH I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL.  WE HAD MANY UPS AND DOWNS (AS ALL MARRIED COUPLES DO), BUT WE DEEPLY LOVED EACH OTHER AND THAT IS THE GLUE THAT HELD US TOGETHER FOR SO LONG.  WELL, IN CASE YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY GUESSED IT-THERE IS MORE RAIN FOR TODAY.  MORE RAIN FOR TOMORROW, AND THE NEXT DAY TOO.  I LOVE THE RAIN, BUT ONLY WHEN I AM HOME, OR SLEEPING.  OTHER WISE, IT KEEPS ME TRAPPED INSIDE MY HOUSE, AS I CAN NOT DRIVE IN IT.  WELL, I THINK THAT IS ALL FOR TODAY.  I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING SINCE I TOOK MY MORNING PILLS.  HOPE IT IS DRY WHERE YOU ARE-TILL TOMORROW-JUST ME

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